The Contest
by the7joker7
Summary: The Sailor Scouts have faced off against the greatest threats the world has ever seen and won every time...but a little wager forces all of them to face their greatest challenge yet. Raunchy comedy, post-canon, rated M for language and themes. [COMPLETE]
1. A Friendly Wager

AN: Hey everybody! So I just wrapped up my big epic The Million Dollar Grant a few days ago, and I figured I'd just swing right into my next project. This one will be significantly shorter, I imagine I'll plow through it pretty quickly, I want something easier to write to decompress a bit. This one is pure raunchy comedy, and as always leans heavily on my many inspirations.

I should warn my readers, that this fic is rated M for a reason. While it's not a lemon or a gorefest, it will use moderate-to-heavy inappropriate language and contain highly suggestive and adult content, with a plot centered around sexual themes. If you can't handle this, or simply don't want to, then you don't have to read it. That strikes me as fair warning, so hopefully I don't have to get any reviews or private messages complaining about how I soiled virgin and innocent eyes with my story. Beyond that, I welcome any reviews and feedback, good bad or indifferent, so don't be shy.

Special thanks to _Seinfeld_ for inspiring the plot of this story, as should be obvious to anyone familiar with that show. Fans of_ Curb Your Enthusiasm _may also notice a thing or two copped from there.

Final note, I am making the switch from the English dub of Sailor Moon to the original works, meaning I will be using the Japanese names and nomenclature. If I err in some ways, it's because I am still adjusting, and apologize in advance.

This fic is intended to fit into canon, that that's largely inconsequential, and fits in sometime two-three years after Sailor Stars, putting the girls somewhere in the eighteen-to-nineteen years old range. I am generally utilizing the anime characterizations of the girls, though there is a little bit of the manga Usagi and Ami in my depictions.

Summary: The Sailor Scouts have faced off against the greatest threats the world has ever seen and won every time...but a little wager forces all of them to face their greatest challenge yet. Raunchy comedy, post-canon, rated M for language and themes.

"

The Contest

"

Chapter 01: A Friendly Wager

"

"Well, congrats on the intercourse." Rei tapped the small circular button on the left panel of the shiny silver elevator, prompting the doors to silently slide shut, ready to elevate the three teenage girls more than half-a-dozen stories. She stepped back, placing her hands behind her back and looking over to her right, the spitting image of a dark-haired vixen in a red one piece, projecting all the professionalism of a Shinto shrine miko even out of uniform.

To her immediate right stood Usagi, the glue of their little group of girls. Perpetually stuck in the 'adorable' stage no matter how much older she got, Usagi was nevertheless the only one of the five friends who had gone steady with someone, so naturally no intimate detail of her love life remained intimate for long. "Thank you," she replied as the metal box zoomed upward.

And on the right side of the chamber was Makoto, a mountain of a woman, a hundred and eighty centimeters tall even without the benefit of shoes. In other countries, she'd be a supermodel, height and curves making her a sex icon if she chose such a life path. In Japan, it actually made her a little scary. In fairness, fear wasn't the worst reaction to have when meeting Makoto, given her combination of strength, speed, and martial arts training. But five open-minded minutes with the brawny schoolgirl would reveal her to be the sweetest girl you've ever seen.

A bit of an oddly matched trio, going to couple an additional pair of girls to their little team, but the bonds that tied them together were stronger than most friendships.

"I mean, it's good, right?" Mako asked, glancing at Usagi out of the corner of her eyes. "Like...you enjoy it?"

"Oh yeah, of course I enjoy it, it's great." Usagi nodded, the numbered lights above blinking in rapid succession, adjusting her purse strap on her shoulder. "Not that I've had sex with anyone else to compare, but—"

"Well, how does it compare to other things you do that you like?" Rei asked. "Like...eating a donut?"

"I don't know if it works like that," Mako mused. "I don't think you can compare having sex to eating a donut. Just an educated guess."

"Yeah, it's...it's just kind of...I can't compare it to things like that. It's good, it's good." Usagi adjusted the collar of her thin, light blue dress, tugging on her little crescent moon necklace.

"Like, we don't need to...talk to Mamoru about his technique or anything?" Rei questioned.

"No, no...don't...don't do that, ever," Usagi said quickly. "Please. No, it's great, it's just...well, there is this one thing that I could do without."

"Can't say that and not tell us," Mako quickly responded as the elevator halted and the doors slid open, revealing a wide hallway with a long persian rug, doors on either wall all the way down to the other end of the building.

The trio began a trek down that hall as Usagi continued. "Well...he does this thing, it's...he talks during sex."

"Mamoru talks during sex?" Rei said. "What's wrong with that? I figured you'd be...into that."

"Well, no no, it's not...that's the thing, it's not dirty talk, he...he chit-chats," Usagi explained as the three padded across the carpet.

"Mamoru chit-chats during sex?" Makoto looked over at the back of Usagi's head. "Really?"

"Yeah, it's weird, every time," Usagi added. "Like last night, I'm getting into it, things are getting good, and then he just...he starts talking about how he can't believe that some of his classmates at college can't tell...real crab from...from fake crab. Really weird."

"Oh." Rei pondered this for a moment as the three neared the end of their trek. "Well, people should be able to tell real crab from fake crab."

"Yeah, you gotta be a moron if you can't tell the difference," Mako concurred.

"Well, obviously, but...it's just not...yeah," Usagi trailed off. "Oh, Rei, how are things at the shrine?"

"Almost wrapped up, actually," Rei answered. "They're finishing the major work late tonight, so we can all hang out there tomorrow, no problem." The three of them stopped in front of one of the many doors. 825, announced the gold lettering above the peephole.

"Sounds good to me," Usagi said, absentmindedly grabbing the knob and twisting it. It gave, the door clicking open.

"Huh," Mako mused. "Leaving her door unlocked. You'd think she would have learned her lesson on that."

Usagi took one step inside before the telltale sounds became apparent.

"—absolutely unbelievable to me that you were raised by human beings, and not by wolves in the wild with the way you behave!"

"Knock it off, you're being ridiculous and paranoid like always!"

"All of society would benefit if it was legally required for you to be supervised at all times—"

The three girls looked down at the floor by the front door they had just walked in through. A few pairs of shoes were there as usual, but there was one that didn't quite belong. A set of blue sandals of a slightly different size than the rest. The voices had already made it fairly obvious, but that settled it.

"Oh boy," Usagi sighed, pursing her lips.

"No studying tonight, I see," Rei moaned, listening to the bickering penetrate the walls of the apartment. It was a beautiful domicile, befitting the residence of a wealthy doctor. Wide halls and expansive rooms with lush carpeting and fine furniture. All sorts of baubles hung from the walls, ornamental masks and little shining figures hanging from the walls in perfect symmetry. End tables with statues and antiques. The apartment of someone who wanted everyone to know that they stood within the home of someone exceptional.

The argument provided a jarring contrast to the beautiful scene around them.

"Wanna take bets on what she broke this time?" Mako groaned. "Shit, maybe we should just go."

"No, we're not leaving," Rei insisted, shaking her head. "Good friends try to help make peace. Besides, as we all know...nothing good happens when those two are alone in this apartment."

Rei stepped forward down the wide hall after removing her heels. Usagi was quick to follow.

Makoto gave a small shrug. "Yeah...that's true."

A short trek down the hall, then off to the right, brought them to a white door with a golden knob. The voices were even clearer now.

"—really nice to know that my word means nothing to you. Some friend you are!"

"It's a cruel joke that someone like you would be the reincarnation of a Sailor Scout, I would gladly trade you for any one of the hundreds of other students at Juuban High."

"Are you even listening to me? Have you heard a word I said?"

Rei pushed the door open, revealing the unsurprising scene. Ami, the brains of the squad and host of the gang for the night, seated at her desk. Her head was down, right hand up by her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose, forehead wrinkled in apparent frustration. Minako, the fifth member of their band, stood behind her, hands on her hips, frowning in Ami's direction.

"Any chance you guys are rehearsing for a play?" Rei asked hopefully, gingerly stepping into the room and waving.

"Oh, good, you guys are here," Minako said, pointing at Ami. "You guys need to talk to her, she's gone crazy, saying a bunch of weird stuff."

Makoto crossed her arms over her chest, approaching Minako with a judgemental look. "What did you do this time?"

Minako scoffed. "Nothing! I did nothing! She's just being impossible to deal with!"

"Yeah," Mako said dubiously. "The vase just cracked all by itself. Come on, what did you break?"

"She didn't break anything," Ami said, voice strained and vaguely neurotic, still pinching the bridge of her nose and squeezing her eyes shut. "How I wish it was that simple. Broken things can be replaced, but some things...some things can not be undone." She gave a tiny little shudder.

Rei walked over to Ami, eyebrow raised and right hand up on her chin. "I don't get it, w-what did she do?"

Ami gave a rattled sigh, shaking her head back and forth slowly.

"Ami?" Rei leaned in over her, trying to look at her face. "What's wrong?"

Ami swallowed down hard. "Minako arrives to our gathering a half-hour early. I, being a gracious host and good friend, let her in. I allow her to stay in my room, alone, while I go out to get food. I come back with food. And...and...while I was away..."

Ami paused, falling into silence, tilting her head further downward.

"Ami? Come on, spit it out," Rei asked.

"She...ugh..." Ami just sighed again.

A light tapping at the bedroom window interrupted whatever Ami might have said, drawing turned heads from all of the girls outside of Ami. None other than a pair of cats sat on the windowsill, having ascended the fire escape with a deft precision that came only to members of their species, now requesting shelter from the setting sun. Luna, Usagi's dark-colored cat, and Artemis, Minako's stark white one. Usagi quickly swept over to the window and pulled the latch, pulling the window back a bit to admit the two felines.

"Beautiful outside, really," Artemis began, looking around at the quintet of teenage girls. He may have had more to say, but Ami picked that moment to rocket up from her chair and stiffly march over to the window, hands clenched into fists by her sides.

She stopped just in front of where Artemis was standing, pointing an accusatory finger right into his small face. "You!"

Artemis faltered under the steely gaze and emphatic finger, recoiling slightly. "E-eh?"

"Where have you been?" Ami demanded.

"U-uh..." Artemis glanced over at Luna for a brief, revealing moment. "W-who wants to know?" he muttered, blushing slightly.

"You need to either keep a better eye on your human, or housetrain her!" she hissed. Dropping her finger, she spun back around and marched back to the desk.

Artemis sighed. "Mina, what did you do?"

"Yeah, Ami, what did Mina do?" Rei asked as Ami resumed her angry pouting session at her work desk.

Ami remained silent.

"God, what, did she molest you or something?" Makoto walked over, reaching up onto the shelf above Ami's head and grabbing a small Sailor Mercury plushie doll from it. "Is it too scarring to talk about?" She lowered the plushie down to Ami. "Ami, non-verbally indicate where Minako touched your body using the doll."

"I didn't do anything!" Minako continued to protest from the other side of the room. "Probably why Ami won't say it. She feels guilty because she knows I'm being unfairly accused."

Usagi sighed, coming up to Minako's side and crossing her arms over her chest. "Mina, come on, just spill it. What did you do?"

"Oh, oh, everyone just take her side," Minako said dryly. "That's just great, thanks so much everyone!"

"I'm not taking anyone's side, I...okay, sorry," Usagi closed her eyes and thought for a moment. "What does Ami _think_ you did?"

Minako bit the inside of her cheek. "Y'know, it's so ridiculous, I hardly even want to say it...when I do you're all gonna laugh at her for...being paranoid. And this is not an admission of guilt by any means."

"Yeah, yeah, what is it?" Rei asked, both she and Makoto approaching her, eager to hear.

She sighed. "She thinks, for God knows what reason, that while she was out to get food, I...well...I was...tossing the pink salad."

"Ooooh SHIT!" Makoto immediately murmured, a grin breaking out on her face that she quickly hid. "Oooooh yeaaaahhh...yeah, wow, wow Mina." Makoto turned around, shaking her head in disbelief. "That's a new low."

"Again, not an admission of guilt!" Mina grunted, hands back on her hips.

"What the...what the hell is tossing the pink salad?" Rei questioned, a blank look on her face.

"Yeah, I don't get it," Usagi agreed, hand on her chin, deep in thought.

"Uhh...you know..diddling the skittle?" Minako said, shrugging. Rei's eyes flicked down to the floor as she pondered. "Double-clicking the mouse? Uhhh...checking for squirrels?" Minako thought for a moment. "Sweeping the chimney, tapping the tuna, waxing the canoe—"

The lightbulb went off, Rei's face immediately molding into shocked amusement. "Nooo! Noooo! Oh, you bitch!" She reached forward and lightly pushed Minako's shoulder, causing her to take a half-step back. "You...yeah, that's...whoo." She turned around, walking over to Ami. "God, I am...so sorry for your loss."

"Still didn't do it, so shut up!" Minako whined.

"Uh...still don't get it," Usagi said, forehead wrinking in confusion.

Minako licked her lips, thinking for a moment. "Let's see..." she put her hands up in front of her, ticking one finger down with each phrase as she said it. "Sending muffin morse code, carpet bumping, plunging the happy hole, filling the pink taco, clam bake for one, nulling the void, opening the bottom drawer, driving miss daisy, reading the map of Tasmania, hitchhiking to heaven—"

"MASTURBATED!" Ami screamed, spinning around in her chair to glare at Minako. "She...she masturbated...in my room."

"Ohoho, no! No, you didn't!" Usagi giggled, fighting the urge to break out into laughter. "Mina, you...no, you freaking didn't!"

"Yes, thank you, Usagi," Mina said tartily. "I didn't."

"Oh, no no no, I don't mean it like that, I'm sure you did it, I'm just...a little surprised that you did it," Usagi corrected. Minako's shoulders sank and she gave a narrowing glare at her fellow blonde.

"She...she violated my bedroom," Ami moaned darkly, eyes narrowed into slits as she glared at the desk in front of her. "She polluted my bedroom with her...her debauchery." Her eyes darted from left to right as she sat, hunched over. "In my room...where I sleep. Where I study." She shuddered. "I feel..._unclean_."

"Okay, Ami, chill," Makoto chided, patting her on the shoulder. "Yeah, it's gross, but it's not like there's half a pint of Minako spooge dripping from the ceiling or something."

Ami jumped up again, glaring up at Makoto. "Oh, take _her_ side why don't you!"

Makoto put her hands up at her sides. "No I'm not, I agree that it's gross, but...you're acting like she had an orgy on your bed and filmed it."

"Oh, you don't _understand_!" Ami snapped. "I can _feel_ it...in the air." She looked around trepidatiously, disgust on her face. "My room has been forever stained. It can _never_ be undone." She crossed her arms over her chest, scowling. "I want to move."

"Ami. Cool it a bit," Rei ordered sternly, coming up behind her and setting her hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, cool it a lot," Minako added. "Like, cool it all the way, because I didn't do it!"

"Mina, Ami can't possibly be more upset than she already is, you may as well just admit it—" Usagi started.

"I have the greatest friends in the whole world," Minako said sarcastically. "Like, really, you guys are the best."

"Mina, come on...just cut your losses," Makoto said, waving her arms around a bit in front of her chest. "I mean, if Ami walked in on you with your hand down there, then—"

"Uh, she didn't?" Minako interrupted. "What makes you think she did?"

"Oh, well..." Makoto pursed her lips for a second, then cast a look over at Ami's hunched figure. "Ami, d-did...did you walk in on Minako masturbating?"

Everyone looked over at the blue-haired girl as she took a moment to reply. "No," she answered, vitrol still evident in her words.

"O-oh..." Rei trailed off. "Then how do you know she—"

"I smelled it," Ami said, clearly not enjoying being forced to recall the experience.

"Ooooh," Makoto grinned, giving Minako a little flick on the back of the head. "So close, Mina. You almost had the perfect crime. Just made one mistake."

"H-hey, that doesn't prove shit!" Minako insisted, shaking her head. "Circumstantial evidence, that scent could have been anything!"

"What do you mean anything?" Usagi asked. "I mean...that stuff has a pretty identifiable scent in my experience."

"I don't know!" She pointed up at a small vent in the wall of the room. "Maybe the next door neighbor was doing it and the scent wafted in through that!"

Ami huffed an angry breath from her nose.

"O-or, maybe, there were a couple squirrels outside your window having sex earlier!" Minako continued. "You know, they get their O face on, squirrel jizz goes everywhere, scent wanders in, and next thing you know, some poor innocent girl is taking the fall!"

"Squirrels," Ami said in a deadpan. "Had sex. Outside my window."

"It's a theory!" Minako exclaimed. "Just throwing stuff out there to explain—"

"My window. A good fifty meters away from the nearest tree."

Minako took a brief moment to glance out the window. Indeed, there didn't seem to be any topiary to speak of nearby, the building opting for a purely man-made look from the outside. There might have been a little tree somewhere down on ground level to decorate the sidewalk, but nothing close. Minako was never one to abandon a theory, though.

"Yeah, so _obviously_ you have a squirrel nest somewhere on the fire escape that you haven't taken care of yet, which is pretty irresponsible of you!" She leaned in close to Ami, eyes narrowed. "So who's at fault now, huh?"

Ami could only slowly shake her head, completely fed up.

"M-Mina, you're...you're not helping right now," Artemis said quietly. "J-just, look—"

"Okay, look around you!" Minako instructed, spreading her arms out to her sides and pointing at the interior of the room, swinging her arms around to indicate she was talking about everything. "How am I gonna masturbate in here?! How?!"

"...I don't follow," Rei said, looking around the room.

"Well, think about it! There's no TV, the computer's password protected, I don't know where she keeps her porn—"

"I don't keep porn!" Ami snapped.

"...I haven't figured out where she hides it yet...what kind of visuals can I use to masturbate with?!" She went over to the wall above the bed. "Even the fuckin' wall posters, look, like...the periodic table...map of the world...nothing to work with in here, I can't masturbate in here!" She jumped over to the bookshelf next to Ami's desk. "The only thing in here are books!" She pointed at the leather-bound rows of reading material. She grabbed a random one out and flicked it open, displaying it out towards the other girls. "Books with no pictures!" She closed it up and put it back where she had found it. "What am I gonna do, masturbate to Moby Dick?"

"Since when have you needed visual aids to masturbate?" Makoto countered, grinning to herself.

"Yeah, I kinda feel like you could make anything erotic in an emergency," Usagi joked, to Minako's decided lack of amusement.

Rei bent down to the lowest level of the bookshelf, pulling a fat white one out. "Hey. Maybe she used one of these anatomy books." She opened it up to a random page, hefting it up in her hands and showing it out to the other girls. "Got your juices flowin'?"

Minako rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Rei, I'm totally gonna masturbate to a..." her eyes found the page that Rei was displaying. "Whoa. Holy shit, they sell books like that at school?"

Ami pushed herself up into a standing position, then stiffly beat a path over to Rei. Roughly snatching the large anatomy book out of the taller girl's hands, she bent down and put it back on the shelf.

"Hey, looks like I found your porn stash," Minako said, grinning as Ami stood back up.

"Do I look like I'm in any kind of mood to hear your bad jokes?" Ami said darkly, glaring at Minako.

Minako sighed. "Look. Ami." She went up to her, leaning in close to her face. "Look at me. I didn't masturbate in your room, okay? I didn't!"

They stared at each other for a long moment before Ami broke eye contact, turning away in disgust and shaking her head again.

"Hey, y'know..." Usagi tilted her head back slightly, nostrils twitching slightly. "Ami, not calling you a liar or anything, but...I don't smell anything."

Makoto took a couple whiffs of the air as well. "Now that you mention it...yeah—"

"I sprayed lysol," Ami said, voice still a little rough and harsh.

"Oh." Rei smirked. "Shouldn't have done that, you destroyed the evidence. Now we'll never get a conviction—"

"I don't need a conviction," Ami interrupted. "This isn't a court of law."

"Well...now there's reasonable doubt," Makoto mused. "I mean now it's just...her word against yours. Why'd you spray—"

"BECAUSE, I had friends coming over, and as the host of a gathering, I did not want my room to smell like a whorehouse, because unlike SOME people, I have a certain level of minimum appropriate conduct that I feel needs to be upheld when around other people!" Ami barked.

"Ami, I didn't do it!" Minako said strongly, walking over to her friend. Ami simply turned away, still frowning deeply. "Ami! I did not masturbate in your bedroom!"

The room was dipped in silence for a couple seconds as Minako tried to draw some kind of response out of Ami, Ami unwilling to even look at her.

"And...and anyway...so what if I did?" Minako added. Ami straightened up slightly at this. The other girls all looked over at Minako.

"Yeah, what's the big deal? I mean, it's a normal bodily function that everyone does, if I did do it I would have cleaned up after myself...why would it be that bad? I mean, you've obviously masturbated in here before, what...what difference does it make if someone else does it once?"

Ami slowly turned around, glaring daggers at Minako as she talked herself into a continually deeper hole.

"Yeah, I mean...you could come to my place any time to masturbate!" Minako put her hands out to her sides. "I mean, we're friends, we've known each other for years, there's no problem! You don't even have to call ahead, just swing by! I mean, maybe call ahead just to make sure I don't have something else going on, but...really, just come by, make yourself comfortable on the bed, or whatever, I'll hit you up with some of my private stash, and just do what you do!"

Ami continued to attempt to bore a hole through Minako's forehead with her fiery gaze, but Minako was not to be deterred.

"You wouldn't even have to ask me to leave the room! I don't mind! I'll just...do my own thing on my computer for ten minutes, no big deal! Hell, I'd let you borrow my equipment if you wanted, I keep that shit sanitary!" She nodded emphatically. "You could...turn the lights down, put on some music, hell, you can open the window curtains if you want! Let the neighbors see, I don't give a shit, because you're my friend, and—"

"Okay, STOP!" Rei said, holding her palm out towards Minako, though she was quite obviously grinning and supressing laughter. "Mina, stop, you're...you're not helping yourself, really."

Minako finally fell silent, allowing the room to finally go quiet. Usagi put her right hand up to cover her mouth, forehead furrowed in thought.

"Well..." Makoto began, contemplatively looking down at the carpeted floor. "For whatever it's worth, she didn't do it yesterday."

"Wait, what?" Usagi questioned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Mina didn't masturbate yesterday...or, at least, probably not," Makoto said quietly.

"Do I even want to know how you know that?" Rei said cautiously.

"No no, it's...it's just, we hung out all day yesterday after school," Makoto explained quickly. "Went to the movies, ate out, checked out the arcade...bunch of stuff. And then she spent the night at my place." She shrugged. "So...unless she did it at school—"

"Not beneath her," Ami growled as she went back to her desk, sitting down heavily in the chair and hunching over the wood surface of her workspace.

"...or did it in the movie theater—"

"Also not beneath her," Ami reiterated as she opened up a blue notebook she had in front of her, hoping to escape from the absurdity of her immediate situation by burying herself in studies.

"...or, I guess...did it at my apartment while I was asleep—"

"_Definitely_ not beneath her," Ami jumped in.

"Okay," Minako said, clearly agitated. She pointed over at Ami's back. "One, Ami, don't editorialize. Two," she pointed at Makoto, "Mako, please cease you attempts to verbally write a novel about my private sex habits."

"I'm not!" Makoto said defensively. "I'm just...just pointing out that we were together all day yesterday, so logically, you...might have been running a little...behind on your maintenance."

Minako stood there for a second, mouth slightly agape. "And what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?!"

Artemis put his paw to his chin. "Actually, now that you mention it...it's been a little while."

Usagi, Makoto and Rei all turned to look at the stark white cat. Minako continued to look at Makoto, but was quickly building an appropriate reaction to her long-time partner's words.

"In fact, the last time she did that would be—"

"_**ARTEMIS!**_" Minako roared, spinning around, shaking with anger, nostrils flaring.

Whatever survival-instinct Artemis had either failed him, or he chose to ignore it entirely.

"...monday."

Quick as a flash, with the kind of speed and agility that only Minako was capable of, one of Ami's prized leather-bound books was whipped out from the bookshelf and flung directly at the feline. Artemis just barely managed to dive to the side and avoid a bone-crunching collison, but was also left completely unable to dodge when Minako jumped across the room to grab him. Helpless, Artemis quickly found himself hanging upside-down in Minako's iron-fisted grip, a hind leg in either of her hands, being pulled apart to the point of pain. He thrashed about, which only made it worse.

"OW, Oww, Mina, please, you're hurting me!" he yelped, flailing back and forth. Minako just glared down at him.

"Go on, Arty. Keep talking. Keep. Talking. See what happens," she dared, voice dripping with venom, holding Artemis's hind legs split out wide to keep him in pain as he hung there.

"Mina, I'm sorry, please, please put me down, I'm sorry!" Artemis begged.

"Okay, that's enough," Usagi said, coming over with her hands out. "Mina, put him down—"

"This is between me and him," Minako whispered, glancing over at Usagi out of the corner of her eyes. Her gaze returned to Artemis, bringing his legs closer together by a couple millimeters to reduce the pain. "So. Little buddy. Keeping...track of things that are none of your business, are you?" The rage was apparent in every syllable she spoke. "Perhaps I need to...give you something else to think about in your spare time? Say, how you're going to continue to live the rest of your life with only three functioning limbs?"

"I'm not keeping track of anything!" Artemis protested, finally realizing that struggling only made it worse. "I...I just can't help but notice! C'mon, Mina, we live in the same room together, of course I'm gonna be aware of something like that, especially when you don't even bother to kick me out before you—"

Artemis's hind legs were stretched wide again, this time to their breaking point, the skin around his backside threatening to split open. "AHHHH! MINA!"

"Oh my God, I'm gonna do it!" Mina seethed to herself as Artemis again began flailing around. "I'm actually gonna do it today! I'm splitting this fucker right down the prime meridian!"

"Mina, that's enough," Rei chided, coming over. "Just...don't. Put him down."

Minako held her cat companion for a few tense seconds, still fuming, as he continued to whimper and moan. Finally, she released his right leg, but maintained a firm grip on his left. Dangling awkwardly, Artemis continued to release little moans. Mina lifted him up higher so his face was level with hers.

"Reporting intimate details of my sex life to my friends," Minako continued. "Is that an acceptable thing to do, dear Arty?"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I told them!" Artemis said. "I'm sorry! Now please, put me down!"

"Sex life?" Makoto repeated, unable to avoid a wide grin. "That's what you call it?"

"Shut it!" she hissed, again appraising Artemis as he wiggled about in her grip.

"Okay, fine, but...put him down," Makoto ordered. "We needed his testimony, he was just doing his civic duty by telling us."

"Civic duty..." Minako shook her head, but nevertheless dropped her cat to the floor. Artemis just barely managed to land on his feet, immediately wincing in pain as he tried to stretch his hindquarters to and fro. Minako, however, was not done, and bent down low to the ground, glaring at the cat. "Now, you listen to me, and you listen good, okay, buddy? From this moment forward, all of your activities regarding keeping track of my personal...bedroom activities will completely cease. Comprende?"

"Lay off, Mina," Makoto said, coming over and giving her a little light push in the behind. "What do you expect, of course he's gonna notice?"

"Y-yeah, Mina, it's...kind of hard not to notice," Artemis protested, curling up and cowering away from his very angry partner, though not quite possessing enough courage to attempt dashing away.

"I don't care _how_ hard it is!" Minako snapped. "Effective immediately, you will _find_ a way to not notice, or so help me god, I will get a shoebox, tie it to a tree in the backyard, and _that_ will be your new room from now on!"

"Mina, when you think about it, it's...it's kind of part of having a hyper-intelligent cat living with you," Makoto protested on Artemis's behalf. "There's a lot of good things, and...some bad things. One of them being...less privacy."

"No!" Minako sprung back up into a standing position, still scowling. "No, I am not accepting that! This is unacceptable! My partner, roommate, and friend keeping track of my personal masturbation habits? Reporting them to my friends?" She waved her arms around to her sides. "That's not good, okay?! It's...it's too much!" Minako spun around, slowly beating a stomping path over to the bedroom door.

Makoto pursued her. "C'mon, Mina, he lives in your room, what do you think he—"

Minako spun around, leaning her face right up to Makoto's, eyes enflamed with fires of anger. "I DON'T WANT MY CAT MONITORING MY MASTURBATION HABITS, OKAY?!"

"Okay, okay!" Usagi quickly ran over to Minako, putting her hand up on her shoulder. "Let's all just...chill. Calm down, alright?" She gave Minako a little shake. "Just be cool!"

The room finally fell silent for several seconds. Ami moping at her desk, Minako attempting to set Artemis's fine white coat on fire with an intense glare, Artemis retreating back to Luna and curling up to lick his wounds, Usagi trying to soothe Minako, and Makoto and Rei just waiting for the next shoe to drop.

"Five years that cat has lived with me, and now I find out that all this time he's been—"

"Mina! We're moving on now, okay?" Usagi patted her on the back a few times. "You've vented, he's apologized...done, okay?"

Minako was still quite clearly seething, but after a moment, her shoulders stopped heaving and her breathing returned to normal.

"Well...at least that settles that," Rei said to break the silence.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Minako turned to look over at Rei.

"I mean, I think we can close the case," Rei replied. "Monday was four days ago, so I think reasonable doubt just went out the window."

"Yeah, that's a pretty long time for _me_," Makoto agreed. "I'm actually kind of amazed you went that long—"

"Oh, are you...are you inferring that I...I can't hold off on masturbating?" Minako asked, hands back on her hips as she shot an accusatory glare at Makoto.

"Well...no, I'm _implying _it," Rei corrected. "You're inferring it from my implication."

"Also, I'm not implying anything," Makoto added. "I'm straight up _saying_ it, you...sorry, Minako, you did it."

"No!" Minako protested. "I didn't!"

"Mina," Usagi said, again patting her shoulder. "Look, I don't wanna take sides here, but...you masturbated in here!"

Minako slapped Usagi's hand away from her shoulder. "Okay...listen, bitches." Minako put her hands up in front of her, thumb and index fingers touching. "Clearly, you guys don't know me very well—"

"Uh, no, we...we know you really well, actually." Rei shrugged. "Which is pretty much why we know that you did it—"

"Listen!" Minako snapped. "You think I can't last four days without masturbating?"

"No." Makoto shook her head. "I mean, you _did_, I'm saying I think you can't last five days. Ergo..." she gestured over at the bed. "Yeah."

"Okay." Minako took in a deep, settling breath. "Let me set you people straight." She pointed both of her thumbs up at herself. "I am _more_ than capable of controlling my urges."

"Not after four days," Makoto said wryly.

"YES, after four days, thank you!" Minako snapped. "You seriously don't think I'm capable of holding off for less than a week?"

"No, I don't think you're capable," Makoto replied. "Honestly, it's amazing you lasted four days as far as I'm concerned."

"Oh, I can last a week," Minako insisted. "I can last a week, no problem! I've gone much longer than a week before!"

"Uh, yeah...when you were like nine," Rei countered, sitting down on the floor and laying back.

"No, no, no, no!" Minako insisted. "Don't get me wrong...I very much _enjoy_ the process of self-pleasure. But, if the situation calls for it...I can control myself!"

"So, you're saying that...like, recently, you've gone a week without it?" Rei asked. "Like, sometime in the last...two years, let's say? And don't make me ask Artemis."

Artemis immediately buried his face into his crotch, still licking at the area that Minako had damaged.

Minako sighed. "Well...that's not the important part, the...the thing is, I _could_ go a week! I could. No problems!"

"How long could you go?" Makoto crossed her arms over her chest, awaiting her answer. "Like, what would be your...outer limit?"

"I don't have an outer limit!" Minako shouted. "Whatever I needed to do, like...decades! Rest of my life!"

"Ohhh, Mina..." Mako let loose a couple chuckles, wrapping her right arm around Minako's shoulders. "You...you were actually doing pretty well there for a second."

Rei flopped back down on the ground, laughing to herself. "Always gotta find a way to say that one stupid thing, Mina."

"Well...more than one," Makoto squeezed Minako in tighter. "But that's why we just...love you so much, your...your absurdity!"

"Hey, hey!" Minako pushed herself away from Makoto's embrace. "I'm not saying I would want to swear off it or anything! But, if I _had_ to for some reason, then I'd swear off it for the rest of my life!"

"Yeah...good luck with _that_," Usagi mocked, shaking her head and laughing a bit herself.

"Mina, darling...are you not the same person who _routinely_ brags about how you masturbated...ten or twelve times in one day?" Makoto reminded her. "Is that not you who that? You, who won't shut up about...your special, secret masturbation techniques that provide superior stress relief? Yeah, sorry Mina...you _couldn't_ go the rest of your life without it. We know you. You couldn't." Makoto gave her a couple reassuring pats on the back.

"Oh," Minako said, looking up at Makoto with a dry glare. "And I suppose _you_ could?"

Makoto gave a little burp of laughter, then thought for a second. "No. Not saying that. I couldn't. I wouldn't claim to be able to. But...I sure as shit could outlast you."

"Is that so?" Minako questioned, raising an eyebrow and folding her arms over her chest.

"Uh, yeah, it is so. Hey, I like it, not gonna lie. And I'm sure that, eventually, I'd have to...take care of it. But...I don't like it as much as you, and...come on, Mina. I've been doing martial arts for, like...twelve years. That shit's intense!" She nodded to herself. "And it's all about discipline! Every instructor I've ever had is all, discipline this, discipline that...it's not always fun! In fact, it's rarely fun! But I put myself through it, and I am where I am today, which counts for something. And, hey, while we're at it...no source of income!" She spread her arms out to the sides. "Every day of my life since I was six! The only thing between me and some bullshit orphanage is my inheiritance and a couple very, very lazy government employees. I need discipline just to make it to the end of the day with my independence. I lose my discipline for one second, boom, I'm broke. So, yeah. I could outlast you." She waved her hands around the room. "And...anyone else in this room."

Rei perked up, sitting back up on the floor. "Uh, excuse me? Am I invisible?"

"No, I see you fine," Makoto shot back.

Rei scrambled to her feet. "Well, then I think you've made a...significant error in your little evaluation. Yeah, you could outlast her—" she pointed at Minako, "—but...come on, that's amateur hour." She pointed her thumb at her chest. "This is _my _domain, you two can just visit."

"Rei, step off, you're embarrassing yourself," Makoto said dismissively, waving her hand at Rei.

"Uh, hello? Two words, girls. Shrine and Miko. Yeah, that's me. Ever since I was a little girl, studying rituals, reading scripture, maintaining the shrine...that's basically my life! And let's not forget the whole...social prestige element. I can _never_ slip up in front of the people who visit the shrine, like...they can't see me like you girls see me!" She tapped the side of her head. "And I'm always thinking about stuff like that when I'm out in public places, it's...it's tough! I come from a well-respected family, we run a well-respected shrine, and I gotta play the part constantly!" She smacked the back of her right hand into the palm of her left. "So, yeah, discipline may as well be my middle name. And you wanna talk about...holding off on masturbating...I'll admit it, I know how to enjoy myself, but if it came down to it, I'd run laps around anybody here!"

"Yeah, Rei, that's real cute, good for you, but...don't even step to me here," Makoto replied, again waving her off. "You're out of your league."

"Huh," Rei said, mouth open slightly in mild disbelief. "Well, then, Mako. Ole buddy of mine." She approaching Makoto menacingly, just a few steps away now. "Would you care to make it...interesting?"

Makoto looked Rei up and down, processing her words. "Make it interesting?"

"Yeah...interesting. You know...put your money where you mouth is?" Rei nodded, smirking. "I'll put down five hundred yen that says my discipline beats your discipline like a red-headed stepchild!"

"I thought you said _interesting_," Makoto countered snidely.

"W-wait...are we doing what I think we're doing?" Minako jumped inbetween the two, pointing at either one of them.

"Uh...well, 'we' isn't the exact right word to use here," Makoto said, pursing her lips at Minako.

"No, no, I want in on this!" Minako insisted. "If you two are throwing down, I'm in too!"

"Mina..." Rei leaned in to Minako's face and wrapped her right arm around her shoulders. "We'd feel bad."

"Yeah, I'd kinda feel like I had just...taken money from you," Makoto agreed.

"Nuhuh!" Minako shouted. "You guys have been shit-talking me ever since you got here, so you have to let me in!" She put her hand up to her chest. "You guys think _I_ don't have discipline? I was doing big things as Sailor V a good _year_ before any of you bitches put on a fuku! You think I was just born with my speed and agility and...sick kickboxing moves?"

"Well...you kind of were born—" Rei jumped in.

"You think it's easy maintaining this kickass figure?" She indicated the length of her body. "I don't roll out of bed looking this fine! This takes hard work! You're gonna try to tell me I don't have discipline, with all the singing and dancing I do? I got discipline coming out my ass, so—"

"Okay!" Makoto snapped. "Okay, fine, just...you're in, just...don't say I didn't warn you when you're coughing up your allowance in two days."

"Oh, no, I'm winning this," Minako said assuredly. "You girls are about to learn a little something about...Miss Aino."

"...whatever," Rei sighed. "Anyway...you were saying, Mako?"

"I was saying that I don't even bother showing up for less than a grand," Makoto continued. "One thousand yen says I can outlast you two."

"Five!" Minako erupted, holding her hand up with all four fingers and her thumb out. "I'll put five thousand up!"

Rei gave a deep sigh. "Mina..."

"Five thousand yen says I last the longest!" Minako repeated. "Or are you two just cowardly, all-talk-no-walk bitches?"

"Hey, Mina, we don't want you to get hurt!" Makoto shrugged. "That's some pretty serious paper you're talking about, I don't wanna dent your life savings!"

"Yeah, don't worry about me, worry about yourself!" Minako snapped. "Now, are you two chicken?"

Rei gave her head a little shake. "Well...okay. Five thousand yen, sure. I mean, if Mako's okay with it."

Makoto pursed her lips for a moment, then nodded. "Uh, sure. Yeah, bring it. Five Gs, sure."

"Hey, I understand, we all got bills to pay, so if you wanna scale it back a bit—"

"Rei, she said she's fine!" Minako insisted.

Makoto nodded confidently. "No worries, I'm not losing anyway. Yeah, five thousand yen says I got this on lockdown."

"Wait, wait, wait." Usagi shoved her way into the grouping of three friends. "If we're doing this, then I want in too!"

The three stared at her for a few seconds, then quickly murmured disapproval.

"N-no, Usagi, this isn't for you," Makoto said quickly.

"Yeah, Usagi, sit this one out, it's for the best." Rei quickly swept her out of the huddle and over a couple steps. "Best for everyone involved."

"No, I want in on this!" Usagi insisted. "Five thousand yen says I last the longest."

"Uh...Usagi..." Rei leaned in a little closer to her ear. "Come on, you've...you've got a boyfriend, you don't want...this, there's no way."

"I know I have a boyfriend!" Usagi said indignantly. "What's the big deal? It's my choice!"

"Well, you do realize that...you couldn't have sex either, right?" Rei said a little uneasily. "Like...basically, no orgasming, and...you don't want that. I don't you to have to do that. I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah, I realize that," Usagi said. "I know, I get it, that's fine."

Rei sighed, chewing on her lower lip. "Well...either way, I don't know if this is really your league, sweetie. No offense, but, I think it'd be for the best if—"

"Hey, last I checked, I'm the future Queen of the World!" Usagi insisted. "I have royal blood! So, I'm pretty sure that I have what it takes to hold back on...maintenance, if need be."

Rei grimaced, puffing a breath from behind her teeth. "Well..what about Mamoru?"

"It's fine, okay?" Usagi gave a quick nod. "He's fine, don't...don't worry about that."

Rei shrugged. "Well...alright, you're...you're in."

Minako turned over her shoulder to look at Ami, still hunched over her notebook at her desk. "Hey, Ami, how about—"

"I didn't hear _anything_ that you sick, disgusting people just said," Ami said tartily, flipping a page in her notebook.

"Oh." Minako walked up behind her, putting her hand on the back of Ami's chair. "Well, short version is we're gonna have a competition to see—"

"I was being sarcastic!" Ami spun around in her chair to stare up at Minako, revealing that her face had gone very red.

"Well, how I was supposed to know that?" Minako asked.

Ami shook her head, then turned back to her schoolwork. "No, I don't want to play in your disgusting game, thank you very much."

Minako's licked her lips. "W-wait...are you saying that masturbation is disgusting? Because...if that's what you're saying, then this contest is actually...the opposite of disgusting—"

"Let her be, Mina." Rei came over to grab Minako by the shoulder and tug her away. "She doesn't wanna play, that's fine." She smirked as she lead Minako away. "At least she's willing to admit she wouldn't last to midnight."

Ami straightened up, ears practically twitching. She spun around in her chair. "I'm sorry, Rei, I must have misheard you."

"No, no, Ami, it's cool," Rei said mockingly. "We get it. Not everyone has five thousand yen they can afford to just throw away."

"Which you'd basically be doing if you joined, so...yeah," Makoto added. "I mean, you're just...in over your head in a contest like this."

Ami thought for a couple seconds, then sprung to her feet. "Okay. Let's get one thing very, very straight," she began, approaching her friends. "I'm not playing for two reasons. One, it's disgusting. And two, it wouldn't be fair for the rest of you." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You want to talk about discipline? I got dunked in a _river_ of discipline before my umbilical cord got cut! My mom's a famous doctor, my dad's a famous painter, do the math! My whole life has been about living up to my family's name!" She pointed her index and middle fingers at herself. "So much as a _single_ display of a possible knowledge gap within me, and everything turns into Sodom and Gomorrah at the dinner table! And so help me God if I get so much as a single B!" She shook her head. "If I stray from the path so much as a millimeter, I end up a disappointment, and I am _not_ ending up a disappointment! You girls, you merely adopted the discipline. I was born in it. Molded by it. So, don't even try to say—"

"Yeah, Ami. Okay. Which explains why you won't participate," Rei said sarcastically.

"This is absurd!" Ami snapped. "You don't want me in this contest. Nobody does! You...you really may as well just...give me the money right now if we're going to do that." She went back over to her desk. "You wouldn't ask Lionel Messi to play in a youth soccer league."

"Yap yap yap," Rei taunted. "Keep telling yourself that. Might manage to trick yourself into believing it."

Ami spun back around. "Also, I don't...I don't even really...do that, so me participating would be a sham anyway—"

"What does that even mean?" Minako questioned. "You don't 'really' do that? Either you do it or you don't, it's...it's a discrete thing."

The room fell into silence again, Ami's red face not at all fading as the uncomfortable topic would not leave the group.

"Well...do you?" Usagi asked timidly.

"I...I don't see why I should have to answer that," Ami said, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head.

"Yeah, she doesn't have to, we all already know what the answer is," Makoto said. "Waste of breath."

"I...I _have_ done it," Ami said with some effort. "But...not regularly, I've...it was only...only for research purposes."

The room immediately burst into a cackling laughter, Usagi falling back to the floor and Rei buckling over.

"Research purposes?!" Makoto repeated, face wrinkled and contorted as she laughed. "What the fuck does that even mean?!"

Minako hand her hands up to her face, giggling into them. "Yeah, what are you researching?! What the effect on your body is if you touch yourself while thinking about Channing Tatum?!"

"No, I'm serious!" Ami stomped her right foot down on the ground. "Not for pleasure, or anything, I just...needed to know the process!" Her face was not losing it's color anytime soon. "Honestly, it's...it's really nothing special, I actually find it to be a rather...stressful process!"

"Oh my God, Ami, you are so...so full of shit," Rei said throatily.

"No, I'm not!" Ami insisted. "I mean it, I don't...do it just to do it, I—"

"Fuuullll oooof shiiiiiiit, full of shiiiiiiiiiit," Rei continued, going into a mild singsong.

"It's honestly been...months since the last time—"

"Fulllllll...ooooof...shiiiiiiiiiiiiit," Rei continued. "Fuuuuuullll of shiiiiiitttttt."

"I don't...don't get urges to do it or anything, it's just—"

"Full...of...shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit," Rei finished with a flourish.

"Yeah, I thought Minako was the biggest liar in the room today," Makoto said wryly. "I guess you can never underestimate Ami."

"NO!" Ami bellowed. "Listen! I don't do that! I...I don't even _need _to be in a stupid contest to...not do that, so it's a pointless exercise that isn't fair for you four! I'm trying to be fair about this!"

"You know what I think, Ami?" Minako teased, walking up to her and grinning. "I think you do do it. I think you do it all the time."

Ami pointed at Minako maliciously. "Tread lightly, I'm _still_ mad at you."

"You know what I bet?" Makoto said. "I bet that Ami, somewhere in the back of that big brain of hers, is _counting _down the seconds until we all leave so she can go get acquainted with Buzz Lightyear over a...nice spread of assorted doujinshi, maybe a couple choice anatomy books for good measure." She grinned. "And that's why she won't play."

"Oh, spare yourself the embarrassment and expense!" Ami said pompously. "If I join, you're going to get annihilated! The fact that you'd even ask me is a joke!"

"Oooh, I'll bet she's gonna light some candles too," Rei added, nodding knowingly. "She totally needs the proper mood lighting for a good fap session...yeah, it's just...too big a part of her life to try to cut out, I understand—"

"OKAY!" Ami roared, stomping over to where the group was huddled. "Fine! Guess there's only one way to teach you guys a lesson! I'm in!" She put her hands on her sides. "You guys want to lose your money to me?! Fine! We'll do this the hard way!"

"Alright," Usagi grinned. "That's the spirit."

"Well. Looks like it's on," Rei said, sounding almost proud. "Okay..." the girls all came together in the center of the large bedroom.

"Should we start tomorrow?" Makoto suggested. "So we can all...reset tonight? If we start now, Mina gets a head start because she did it twenty minutes ago—"

"NO, I didn't!" Minako roared.

"I'm good with starting now," Rei said, shrugging. "Minako can have her head start, it's not gonna help her."

Usagi raised her hand. "I had sex last night, I'm good to go."

"Okay, we'll start now..." Makoto thought for a moment. "So...how do we...police this?"

The girls all opened their mouths to reply, but then all quickly closed them and thought. The huddle broke a little bit as the girls strayed around a bit.

"Well..." Usagi clapped her hands together in front of her. "We've been friends for years now, we've saved the world together many times...we tell each other everything, so...I think that the honor system is what we do."

"Honor system?" Rei repeated. "I dunno...I mean, maybe..."

"Do you have a better idea?" Makoto asked. "What, chastity belts?"

"I mean, we're talking...five thousand yen a piece, so...maybe...how about you two prove you even have five thousand yen?" She pointed at Makoto and Minako. "For starters."

"Oh, what does _that_ mean?" Makoto glared at Rei. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm...I'm just trying to make sure that everyone can hold up their ends of the bet!" Rei protested. "And I'm not worried about those two!" She pointed at Usagi and Ami.

"Hey!" Minako snapped. "Usagi slings cheddar around just as much as me, so if you're gonna hassle me—"

"Yeah, but Usagi has 'Mamo-chan'," Rei reminded her, putting air quotes around the pet name for Usagi's boyfriend. "You know, one hand on his crotch, other hand on his wallet? She'll pony up, no problem, one way or the other." She looked over at Ami. "And I'm pretty sure I saw about five million yen worth of Ming dynasty-era pottery alone on my walk from the front door to this room."

"Well, it's not hers," Minako pointed out.

"Yeah, but...she could steal one and sell it if she's hard up, and her mom would never notice," Rei said. "And me...believe me, if the Hinos were that low on cash, we would not be adding a whole new section to the shrine."

"Okay, okay," Usagi said. "How about we _all_ prove we have five thousand yen, and then we do the honor system." Usagi quickly reached down into her purse, fishing around in it with her right hand.

"S-sure, that's fair," Rei agreed, going over to the corner of the room and grabbing her own purse. Minako and Makoto were quick to follow, though Ami stayed rooted to the spot.

"Hey, Ami, she said all of us," Makoto chided.

Ami rolled her eyes. "This somehow implies that...I might actually lose—"

"Ami!" Rei said warningly. With a sigh, Ami went over to her bookshelf.

Usagi produced a quintet of thousand-yen bills from her purse's money pocket, holding them up in a rough fan to showcase all five notes. "Five big ones, right here!"

Minako had gone over to the desk with her purse and was in the process of digging down into it and dumping yen coins onto the wooden surface next to two wrinkled thousand-yen bills.

"Okay...thirty-eight sixty, thirty-eight seventy..." she muttered to herself as she searched every nook and cranny in her pack. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ami remove a small book from the middle of the second level of her shelf. She stopped to watch as Ami opened it, revealing that all the pages had a rectangular hole in them, and that the gap had a small stack of yen bills in it.

Ami took the top one out, a five thousand yen note, and displayed it out to the room. Minako raised her eyebrows at the hiding place. "Are you a dope dealer on the side or something?" she asked.

"I was hiding it from you," Ami said coldly. "Figured a book would be the one place you'd never look."

"Oh, you are just _so_ determined to not be cool about this," Minako said darkly, shaking her head.

Ami pointed at the bill in her hands. "Okay, am I good?"

"Yup!" Makoto called out, fishing a tightly-rolled five thousand-yen note from her purse. "Always keep a little...emergency stash in here." She managed to get it out of it's hiding place in the seam of the purse, displaying it out to the room. "Got my buy-in!"

Rei dug around in her purse for several seconds. "Y'know, I...I don't think I...actually, I don't carry cash much anymore, but..." she pulled a cloth band from her purse and held it up, displaying a row of silver coins embossed with a Torii Gate fastened to the fabric, "I got these, which are just as good."

"Oh yeah, I got one of those from your shrine a few months ago, remember?" Usagi said, leaning in and looking at the imprint of the Shinto symbol on the coin. "Yeah, what was it...forty-five hundred?"

"Pure silver, you could melt them down and sell it for two grand each if you wanted," Rei commented, holding the dozen coins up. "Is that good enough?"

"Yeah, I'm good with that," Mako said, looking up at the pieces of silver.

"And I got cash at home," Rei said assuredly. "Not gonna be a problem."

The occasional little tink of a coin dropped on Ami's desk was the only sound that remained in the room, everyone waiting for Minako to produce her assurance of adequate funds. They gathered around behind her as she searched every inch of her purse.

"Forty-five seventy...forty-six seventy...forty-six eighty...forty-six ninety...forty-seven hundred..." she continued to quietly count to herself. "Forty-seven...hundred...uh..." She stuck her head into her purse. "Let's see."

"Problem?" Makoto asked.

"Uh...y'know...I'm positive I have at least...three hundred yen laying around my bedroom," Minako said, pulling her head out of her bag. "I mean, that's just a few coins, I'm...yeah."

"Uh-huh," Rei replied, looking over Minako's haphazard collection of money on the desk.

"And this purse, for what it's worth is...definitely worth more than three hundred—"

"Okay okay, y'know, that's...good enough, I'm convinced, I'm good," Makoto said, walking back towards the center of the room.

"Uh...yeah, close enough, forty-seven hundred...let's not split hairs," Rei agreed, also turning to walk away from the desk. Usagi, Ami and Minako quickly followed, Minako roughly shoving her money back into her purse. "Just don't spend it on anything!" Rei added.

"Well then!" Makoto nodded happily. "One final talk-through. Contest starts now. Terms are, nobody can achieve orgasm via masturbation, sex, or whatever else. Winner takes all the money."

"And remember." Rei put her right hand up in the air, pinky extended. "If you lose, you lose. Just come clean about it. Promise?"

Quickly, Makoto, Usagi and Minako extended their own hands and pinkies, wrapping them all together in the middle of their little huddle.

"Ami..." Minako said expectantly.

Ami gave a little sigh, but ultimately plunged her hand into the grouping and placed her own pinky finger in. "Yes. I promise."

"Good." Rei looked up at the five-fingered entwinement. "So, then...let the games begin!"

0 weeks, 0 days, 0 hours, 0 minutes, 1 second...

"


	2. Temptation

Chapter 02: Temptation

"

0 weeks, 0 days, 15 hours, 13 minutes, 18 seconds...

"

"Hey, I'm just saying, bad idea to get your hopes up," Makoto said, casually strolling down the sidewalk, hands in the pockets of her shorts. "I've already made plans for that twenty grand, you girls can just forget it."

"Hey, there's maybe some stuff you don't know about me," Usagi replied tartily. "You underestimate me, you're gonna regret it."

"Whatever," Minako said dismissively. "I'm expecting a nice little windfall sometime in the next...two or three weeks."

"Well, unless windfall is some kind of new euphemism, I'd forget it," Makoto joked.

"Hey!" Ami hissed. "Let me remind you people of something! You guys are talking _way_ too loudly about this...ridiculous and embarrassing...contest, in public!"

"Hey, climb on down from Mount Pious," Minako countered. "Last I checked, you're in the contest, same as us."

"That doesn't mean I want to advertise it to everyone!" Ami said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah," Makoto relented. "Maybe. So anyway, what are you guys doing later?"

"Uh, I'm gonna...hit the town with Mamo-chan later today. It's couples' night at karaoke, probably that." Usagi nodded. "Not for another...five or six hours though."

"Yeah, I got Wing Chun at four," Makoto said. "I might be dropping out of that, though, every time I spar, takes like...twenty seconds before the other guys starts screaming like a bitch, and then it's...over."

"I told you, you need to go easy on them," Ami chided. "You'll hurt somebody, like...really hurt them!"

"I do go easy on them!" Makoto insisted. "They just don't...pay attention to the proper technique."

"Well, I'm going swimming later," Ami said. "We got a meet coming up."

"Oh yeah, how's that butterfly coming along?" Usagi asked, as the four girls turned to their left and ascended the large stone staircase up to the Hiwaka Shrine, an imposing structure of worship owned by the Hino family.

"Need to get my hundred meter on that down to around...seventy seconds," Ami mused as she walked up the steps. "I'm still on...seventy-one and a half, not good enough."

"You could always just...y'know..." Minako hinted, making a furtive motion with her eyes.

"For the hundredth time, no!" Ami snapped. "I'm not...no. I don't need to. With great power comes...great responsibility, remember?"

"To hell with that," Minako said, grinning. "You know how many guys I've picked up over the years by showing them my trademarked le parkour skills?"

"Apparently zero," Makoto teased.

"Hey, you don't know me," Minako insisted. "Trust me...zippers head south when they see me jump up to a ledge on the third story of an apartment complex."

"You shouldn't do that," Ami said quietly as they came up level with the temple entrance. "You're attracting unwanted attention."

"I just tell them that I...trained with ninjas when I was younger," Minako said, waving Ami off. "They buy it every time, they...ooh!"

Minako stopped dead in her tracks, head turned to the left, looking off at the area behind the main temple. Where there was previously a series of bushes that acted as a property divider, there was now an open expanse of grass with a brand-new _Haiden_ structure right in the middle. A man, perhaps in his early twenties, was down on his knees by the southwest corner of the new building, placing a tall, green fern-like plant into a small hole in the dirt.

The other girls quickly looked over, finding the source of Minako's interest.

"Why, hello sailor," Minako said under her breath. The man was shirtless, exposing a fairly impressive chest and abdomen that was already beginning to shine underneath the beating sun of the day.

"Not bad," Makoto admitted. "Yeah that's not...Yuuchirou, is it?"

"Not unless he got plastic surgery," Ami commented.

"And has been hitting the gym like a motherfreaker," Usagi added. "Alright. Let's go find Rei."

"

Makoto gave a quick courtsey knock before sliding the door open, revealing Rei's sizable bedroom chamber. Rei, in her traditional robes dictated by Shinto tradition, was standing by the window across from the bed, staring outside.

"Hey," Makoto said, stepping into the room. "What's shakin'?"

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Rei said absentmindedly. The girls all gathered around behind her to look out at the new shrine addition.

"Hey, that's not nice, he's a person!" Makoto scolded. "He's a _he_!"

Rei sighed. "I was talking about the temple, you dipshit."

Makoto gave a doubting little snicker as she crowded up closer to the window. The man was carefully going through the laborous process of planting an entire row of large plants all the way around the new building. "Well, that's not what you're _looking_ at, now is it?"

"Who is that?" Usagi gestured her head over towards the man as he lifted up a thick green plant with red flowers. "Easy on the eyes." From behind Usagi, Minako gave a couple of approving nods, licking her lips, peering over the top of her friend's head at the stranger outside the window.

"He's, uh, Nobu," Rei answered, eyes trained on him. "I think he goes to the same college as Mamoru, he's...volunteering for a few weeks to help get the new wing completely set up."

"Something wrong with Yuuchirou?" Makoto asked, standing on tiptoe over Rei's head so she could see him. Silently, Minako turned around and sprinted from the room, managing to open the sliding door without so much as a whisper, leaving it slightly open as she dashed through it.

"No, no, Yuuchirou's great, but...until we get everything set up, there's gonna be...a lot more work, so we brought him in," Rei explained.

"It's not even that hot out yet," Usagi commented. "He's just...showing off, y'know. Took his shirt off to show off."

"Yeah," Rei said, thoughtlessly wrapping a lock of her hair around her right index finger. "Not that...I'm complaining or anything."

Ami turned away from the window, a naughty little grin on her face as she walked away. "Oh, this is going to be the _easiest_ twenty thousand yen I'm ever going to make in my life."

"Yeah, holding your palm out towards your mother is a real laborious task," Makoto said sarcastically.

"Do you have any idea of the kind of bullshit that doctors charge for?" Rei added. "I think they charge twenty grand for...the paper sheet they put on the table before you lay on it."

"Oh, I know," Ami said, sitting down on the floor by the table across the room from the door, setting her bag down next to her, still giving a small smile. "This is going to be easier. I can tell."

"Hey, don't get your hopes up," Usagi said, turning around. "I...wait..." she looked around the room. "Where'd...where'd Mina go?"

Usagi, Makoto and Rei remained grouped around the window, and Ami was at the table, but Minako had seemingly disappeared from the room. The bedroom door was about a quarter-meter ajar.

"Bathroom maybe," Rei said dismissively, tearing her eyes away from the window.

"A-anyway..." Usagi slowly strolled away from the window, looking over at Ami. "Don't get me wrong." She pointed over towards the window. "Pretty nice. But I've seen better."

"We've all seen better," Makoto said, coming over from the window as well along with Rei.

"Yeah, but...I _see_ better," Usagi pointed out. "As in...I see better a couple times a week at least. Like, live and in-person, right in front of me."

"Okay, yeah, we get it," Rei said, sitting down at the table as Usagi took up a spot next to Ami.

"And, like, I can reach out and...and touch it, I mean, it's...it's mine, and—"

"Yeah, yeah, Usagi, we get the picture," Makoto interrupted. "And that's part of the reason why you...might not last through the weekend."

"Oh, you just wait," Usagi said, opening her bag and pulling out a large textbook. "Now, where were we?"

"Well, there's no way around it, you have to memorize these compounds based off the chemical formulas, there's no...trick to it," Ami said, flipping through her book. "You have to just do it, so—"

The door was violently thrown open and Minako haphazardly dashed into the room, right hand clenched around a little bundle of paper bills and coins. She quickly slapped it down on the corner of Rei's computer desk, then turned to look at her friends. "I'm out!"

The girls all turned to look at her. She just stood there, hand on top of the pile of yen, looking back at them, pupils slightly dilated.

"...what?" Rei asked, slowly getting back to her feet and walking over to her.

"I'm out!" She repeated, swinging her left hand around in front of her. "I'm out of the contest!"

The other girls, minus Ami, also got to their feet and walked over, eyes on the bundle of money.

"Seriously?" Rei said, sounding almost like she felt sorry for Minako.

"Yeah, I'm out!" Mina said again.

Rei's mouth was open a little bit in some mixture of confusion and shock as she looked down at Minako's money. "You...it's been...less than sixteen hours—"

"Well, I listen to my body, okay?!" Minako nodded emphatically.

Rei gave a great sigh. "Uh...okay." She shook her head slowly.

"Wow," Makoto muttered. "You know something. I actually really thought that you'd go at least a week to...prove a point."

Usagi grimaced at the pile of money. "So much for that."

Minako lifted her hand off the money, shrugging. "Shit happens." She quickly walked over towards the table in the corner.

"You know, you could just...keep it until tomorrow," Rei offered. "I mean, maybe you'll change your mind before you...get home."

Minako stopped midstep and looked back over at Rei. "Huh?"

"Well, I mean..." Rei's face went blank for a moment as she thought. "You're...you're paying ahead because you're gonna do it...tonight, right?"

"Uh...well—"

"W-wait a minute, did..." Rei pointed out towards the hallway outside her bedroom. "Mina, did..." her expression darkened, "Mina, did you just..._did you masturbate in my bathroom_?!"

Minako's face quickly contorted into a mask of fear, as she averted her eyes from her friends and looked over in the corner of the room. "Uh, well...it...it sure seems like...that, but let's talk about—"

"Oh, God _dammit!_" Rei snapped, spinning around and marching towards the door to the hall. "You—"

Minako dashed across the room and skidded to a halt in front of the door, throwing her arms out to her sides to block Rei's path. "Hey, hey buddy, where you...off to in such a hurry?" she said uneasily.

"Mina." Rei leaned in close to her face. "I had _better_ not smell ejaculate when I walk in there!"

"Uh...are you going in there...right now?" Minako asked uneasily, trying to force a smile on her face. "Because—"

"Oh, fucking..." Rei shoved Minako to the side and stormed out of the room, quickly marching down the hall. "You open your home up to people, and they just...oh, yeah! Yeah, she fucking did it!" The faint sound of a fan turning on from down the hall was heard from the bedroom. "God dammit!"

Minako got back to her feet and walked out the bedroom door. "You shouldn't be swearing like that in a Shinto shrine!"

"Oh, you want to talk about things that shouldn't be done in a Shinto shrine?!" Rei yelled back. A distant hiss could be picked up by the ears of the girls.

"Who cares, it's a bathroom!" Minako walked down the hall and stuck her head into the bathroom chamber, observing Rei spraying lysol all around the room. "People do stuff that's way more gross than that in there all the time! People including me, and you!"

Rei gave the can a good shake, then resumed spraying the freshener all about. "_This_ is a holy place, Mina!" Finally satisfied, she lowered the can down to her side and went over to accost Minako. "You do _not_ do that here!"

"Okay, but...that's how I get closer to _my_ God," Minako said lamely.

Rei could only give an exasperated sigh. "You are...so messed up, Mina. It'd be fascinating if it wasn't so fucking tragic!"

"Wait," Minako said, squinting in thought. "Wait, you...you're trying to tell me you've never masturbated on shrine grounds? Because if you are, I don't believe you!"

"That's _different_!" Rei countered, still glaring at her.

"Oh, _this _is gonna be good," Minako said. "How?"

"When _I_ do it, I have the good sense to be ashamed of it!" Rei got in even closer to Minako's face. "Unlike you, because you have _no_ shame!" She aimed the head of the can at Minako's chest and fired off a stream of gaseous freshener.

"Hey!" Minako yelped, turning around and running back towards the bedroom, arms thrown up over her head as Rei chased her, spraying up and down her back. "Knock it off!"

Minako danced back into the room, Rei in pursuit with the can.

"Hey, knock it off, Union Carbide!" Minako ordered, jumping up onto the bed in the corner of the room as Rei closed in.

Rei got her with one last good spurt before putting the can back at her side. "Y'know, Mina...and don't take this the wrong way, because I _will_ kill you if you do that again, but...the very, very least you could do is take a second to turn on the fan and spray some lysol when you're done!"

"I don't know where you keep your lysol can," Minako protested, shrugging.

"I'm gonna keep it in your colon from now on, how about that?!" Rei held the can up threateningly.

"Not so funny when it happens to you, is it?" Ami said cheekily, head still down in her textbook.

"Oh, for the love of...Ami!" Minako snapped. "I...okay, look, I did just now masturbate in Rei's bathroom, I...I admit that. But I did _not_ masturbate in your bedroom last night, okay?!"

Ami just kept her eyes on her book at the table, not saying or indicating anything.

"Look, why would I...I admit to one and not the other if I did both?!" Minako asked. "Think about it! Don't I get...any points for being honest here? Just one point, maybe?"

"I have no idea how things work inside that head of yours," Ami said coldly. "And I'm quite certain that if I tried to figure it out, I'd go insane."

Minako gave an exasperated sigh, walking over and sitting down on the floor at the table. "Whatever."

Rei threw the can over into the corner of the room and walked over to the table. "Why do I put up with you? Why does _anyone_ put up with you?"

"Well, sorry!" Minako said, though still sounding quite aggressive. "Y'know, it's...it's bad for your health to...not do it when you get the urge."

"Pretty sure that's urination you're talking about," Makoto argued. "And either way, didn't you just...join a contest where you would be doing...exactly that?"

"What are you bitching about?" Minako snapped. "I paid up!" She pointed over at the pile of money on the desk. "Best five grand I ever spent in my life too." She gingerly rubbed her crotch.

Rei gave a feral little snarl, ripping open one of the heavy textbooks in front of her. "Not even going to bother trying to ask you to think about that line of reasoning."

Ami sighed, then set her book down and turned towards Minako. "Actually...this reminds me of something. And you all should hear this too, just for your information." She cleared her throat, looking Minako in the eyes.

Minako immediately put her palm up towards her. "Ami, I'm not...don't, okay? We're cool and everything, but...I'm not listening to any more of your paranoid delusions."

"Mina!" Ami said sternly. "Listen to me, okay? Now...Mina, you're my friend...one of my best friends, in fact, and that will never change. We've been through so much together, and you're very special to me."

Minako dropped her hand to her side. "Ah, finally! An apology. Took you long enough."

"Well...no," Ami said cautiously. "I just don't want you think that I...no longer consider you a friend or in any way truly dislike you. This has nothing to do with that. I was angry last night, but...I'm not angry now. This isn't coming from a place of anger. And...okay, I apologize for what I just said about your...head just now, that was a little uncalled for—"

Minako rolled her eyes. "Not a great apology, but...I guess I'll accept it—"

"Mina!" Ami snapped. "Listen. You're still my friend, but...you are now banned from my apartment."

Minako gave a dismissive little chuckle, grabbing a textbook from the table in front of her. "Funny."

"Uh, no, Minako, you...you're banned. Meaning you can't be inside the apartment anymore, understood?" Ami gave a slow nod. "Okay?"

"Ami, please," Minako said casually. "I get that you're mad, but you've got no right to take it out on me."

"I'm not mad," Ami replied evenly. "I'm actually very calm now, and this changes nothing between us. But there are consequences for your actions, and this is the consequence for this action." She returned to her textbook, cracking it open. "So...please respect that, and don't make a big deal out of it."

Minako looked up from her book, glaring across the room at the wall, then turned to Ami. She gave a little snicker, but got no reaction from Ami other than a turned page. "Huh." She licked her tongue across the fronts of her teeth. "You're...you're serious, huh?"

"Yes," Ami said quietly.

Minako swallowed, closing her book loudly and setting it down on the table. "Alright, if it...makes you feel better, I guess," she said, laying her supposed hurt feelings on thickly. "Three days, a week, how long do I have to play along with this silly little...power trip of yours?"

"Indefinite," Ami said, not looking up, clearly checked out of the conversation.

Minako looked at Ami for several seconds. "Isn't...isn't indefinite a fancy word for...forever?"

Ami sighed. "In a way."

"Ami!" Minako jumped to her feet, hands on her hips and looking down at her blue-haired friend. "I asked you a straight-up question, I expect a straight-up answer! Are you...are you seriously banning me from your apartment for life?!"

Ami flipped a page in the book. "I...that's a fair assessment, yes, you are banned from...my apartment for the rest of your life."

Minako waited several seconds for Ami to announce that she was just joking around. When such a claim failed to come, she gave a disbelieving, harsh laugh. "Oh, so...wow. Wow!" She took a couple steps away from the table. "You're...you're banning me?!"

"Well, no, I'm...technically just enforcing the ban, I didn't institute it," Ami said, keeping emotion out of her voice, as if she was explaining the answer to a difficult math problem.

Minako's mouth gaped open, jaw going up and down a couple times. "T-then...then who instituted it?!"

Ami finally looked up at Minako, though she still betrayed no emotions. "My mother banned you. It was her decision."

Minako blinked a couple times, mouth still open in shock. "And why, pray tell, did she do that?!"

Ami turned her head back to her schoolbook, eyes quickly scanning the material in front of her. "I told her what you did yesterday, and she decided to institute a ban."

Minako just stood there, jaw clenched in anger. She expelled a violent breath.

"Wow. Wow! You...you brought your mother into this!" she said, seething.

"Mina, she has a right to know. It _is_ her apartment, and when something...noteworthy happens inside of it, I feel that she should be told. And she has a right to enforce whatever regulations she sees fit on her apartment." She set the book down and turned to Minako, who was angrily pacing in a circle. "Now, I should remind you that you very seldomly come to my apartment anyway, and we will not be shunning you from any group meetings or activities. I'm sure Usagi, Rei and Makoto will be more than willing to accomodate the fact that you're not allowed in my apartment anymore, and my mother has absolutely no control over who I decide to have as friends, so—"

"Your mother had **nothing** to do with this!" Minako snapped, pointing at Ami. "You've crossed the line, Mizuno! **You** tattled!"

Ami sighed, but her tone remained patient. "Mina, it's her property, I just told her what had been done on her property and she acted in a way that she saw—"

"No, no!" Minako roared. "You...you gossiped!" She emphatically pointed at Ami. "You gossiped about my private business! Last night was a private discussion between close friends, and you gossiped!" She raised her right hand up and began to mime a mouth rapidly speaking. "You're gossiping!" She shook her head. "What a little _yenta_!"

"Are you done?" Ami asked, flipping to the next page in her book.

Minako chewed on her tongue for a moment, looking down at Ami. "You're intent on going through with this, aren't you?!"

"I have to respect my mother's wishes about the apartment that she pays for, yes," Ami said quietly.

Minako scowled. "So, you're banning me?!"

"If you really want to call it that...go ahead," Ami said. "I can't say I disagree with—"

"You're banning me from your apartment?!" Minako seethed.

"Yes," Ami finally admitted. "I'm banning you, we'll call it that."

"Okay, fine!" Minako spun around towards the door, marching towards it. "I'm banned!"

"Yes," Ami said to her retreating back. "Please don't make things difficult by trying to stop by or anything—"

"DON'T WORRY, I WON'T!" Minako growled, shoving the door open and slamming it behind her.

The room was silent for a moment, all three girls looking at Ami as she emotionlessly read through her chemistry book.

"Huh," Usagi muttered. "You're pretty good at handling a child throwing a tantrum," she admitted. "Remind me to give you a call next time Chibiusa shows up."

"Still, though..." Rei leaned over the table, propping her elbow on the table and resting her head in her palm. "Don't get me wrong, I'm...sorely tempted to ban Mina from my house too, but...bringing parents into it...maybe a little out of bounds."

"She deserves to know what happens in her apartment," Ami insisted.

"You coulda handled it on your own, is all," Makoto said, looking over at the door. "Ban her yourself." She shrugged. "Parents might be...crossing the line a bit, yeah."

The door violently slid open, Minako stomping through the threshold over to the table, still scowling. "Unbelievable, the loose lips around here," she grumbled, heavily sitting down on the floor at the table and roughly grabbing her chemistry book. "Banning me from your apartment...friendship isn't what it used to be." She glared over at Ami, then leaned over towards her and repeated miming a fast-talking mouth with her right hand. "Gossip!"

Ami ignored her entirely.

"You don't even have proof...circumstantial evidence! That's all you got!" She shook her head. Nice to know that the Mizuno residence considers themselves above the law! Okay, fine...I don't care!" Minako ripped the book open. "Do not care. Dooo...nooot...care."

"

0 weeks, 0 days, 19 hours, 33 minutes, 47 seconds...

"

"Okay, you know what?!" Minako leaned in close to Ami again, trying to draw some kind of reaction from her. "You know what I just decided?! _You _are now banned from _my _house! How about that?!"

"Okay," Ami replied, pencil dancing around in her hand as she scribbled equations onto a sheet of paper in front of her.

"Yeah!" Minako nodded. "That's how I roll, bitch! You're banned from my house, so you can just—"

"Mina," Rei said suddenly, voice flat and soulless. "Stop. Talking."

"Hey, Rei, I'm trying to have a conversation here, so—"

Rei reached forward, grabbing Minako by the collar and yanking her close, so their noses were nearly touching. Rei had a dead look in her eyes, with lines of agony etched in the wrinkles on her face.

"No. You don't understand, Mina." Minako tried to wrench away from Rei's grip, but could not get away. "If you say one more word about this issue. One more word. I will scalp you with a pen." She stared unblinkingly into Minako's eyes. "One more word, and that is what happens. And no judge in the world will convict me. They will understand that I did the right thing."

Minako scowled, then rolled her eyes. "Whatever...fine." Rei released her and sat back.

"Oh, thank God," Makoto groaned, laying back flat on the floor and looking up at the ceiling. "Finally!"

"I'm going to be dreaming about Minako talking to Ami for the next month," Usagi complained, setting her book down. "There's no more room in my head for school stuff, it's all filled with...Minako."

"Maybe I should just...go," Minako grumbled, standing up. "Go back to my house...which you are now banned from, Ami, just to...reiterate."

"Yes I am," Ami said, still not looking up from her sheet of paper.

"And...that includes the...property, just so we're clear." Minako nodded. "So the...front yard, back yard, all that...off-limits."

"Mmhmm," Ami grunted.

"The sidewalk in front of the house is kind of a grey area, I'd prefer you didn't, but...I understand that sometimes...shit happens," Minako added. "We can work out some sort of agreement on policies regarding...a life-or-death situation that requires you to—"

"GO. AWAY." Rei glared up at Minako, grabbing her pen from the table and wielding it dangerously.

Minako turned away from the table and trudged over to the door, sliding it open. Instead of an empty hallway, however, there was instead a sweaty, well-built young man, hand out in front of him where the door handle had been just a second before. Still without his shirt, Nobu quickly withdrew his hand as Minako jumped back.

"O-oh!" Minako gasped. "Hi, sorry!" She gave an awkward little wave.

"N-no, it's okay, I..." he peeked into the room. "Is...could I talk to...Rei Hino? Is this a bad—"

Rei leapt to her feet, the anguish and irritation immediately leaving her face as she flew over towards the door, sweeping Minako to the side. "Oh...there's never a bad time!" She propped her right hand up on the door frame, putting a pleasant smile on her face. "Uh...what's up? Nobu?"

"No, I can...I can come back," he said, voice deep and commanding.

"No, no!" Rei shook her head. "Well, you _can_ come back, but...what's going on? Everything okay out there?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's great...I was actually wondering if...and I'm not saying right now, but I'm just wondering if you'd be okay with this in the future..." he licked his lips, "I didn't have time to say anything when we met this morning, but...I actually kind of need your help with something."

"Well, I'd love to, but...none of my shirts are going to fit you," Rei joked, putting her all into a good first impression.

"Oh." Nobu looked down at himself, as if suddenly aware of his appearance. "Yeah, I...not really appropriate for a place like this, I guess, I'm...sorry—"

"Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that!" Rei nodded. "Of course it's fine, we don't...judge based off appearance in here!"

"Right. Well, so...y'know, obviously I'm gonna be here a few weeks, helping out...happy to do it, by the way, but..." he nervously licked his lips, "there's actually a...second reason why I wanted to do this."

"Oh...lay it on me!" Rei enthused.

"Well, basically...I grew up in a very...rigidly devoted household when I was younger, and...you have those angry teenage years where you just kind of...stray the path and lose your faith." He shrugged. "You...you might not know about that, but...it happens to a lot of us. Anyway, I'm looking to...maybe...re-devote myself to the faith, but...I just want someone to talk to about it, to help me out with it. Was wondering if we could maybe...and if you don't do this kind of thing, that's cool, but...have some private sessions to explore things."

"Absolutely!" Rei said loudly.

"Waaaaay too enthusiastic—" Minako butted in, quickly silenced by Rei stomping on the top of Minako's foot.

"Yeah, we can do that!" Rei insisted. "Uhh...just...whenever you're done outside or...whatever, swing by, my schedule is...freeeee. Yeah."

"Cool." He gave a small smile. "Alright, I better...get back out there. Good to see you, and...thank you. We'll talk again soon." Slowly, he turned around and headed back down the hall.

Rei stuck herself out into the hall, waving at his retreating back. "Yeah, uh...see ya!" She stood there for several seconds, watching him disappear around the corner.

"Just uh...have your money on the desk by tomorrow morning, m'kay?" Usagi came up to Rei's side as she pulled herself back into the room.

"Hey," Rei said, snapping her glare over to Usagi. "You're not getting off that easy."

"No, but you're gonna get off pretty easy tonight," Usagi said airily, grinning to herself as she skipped back over to the table. Just as she was about to retake her seat, she stopped, then reached down for her hip.

"What part of 'discipline may as well be my middle name' did you not understand?" Rei retorted. "Not even phased, trust me."

"My condolences, Rei," Makoto teased. "Looks like you'll have to sell off a couple of those windchimes out front."

Usagi checked her phone, then deposited it back in her pocket. "Alright, I'm gonna bounce, he's here to pick me up."

As soon as the sentence was out of her mouth, a pair of quick beeps sounded from out front.

"He texted you _and_ honked his horn?" Rei glanced over at the window that provided a view out into the street in front of the shrine, then walked over to it. "He's gonna scare off all the birds and...what the fuck?!" She stopped in front of the window, eyes widening.

"What?!" Makoto quickly jumped to her feet and ran over to the window, peering up over the top of her head. "Whoa!"

"Usagi," Rei said in a slightly raw voice, spinning around to face her friend and pointing over her shoulder with her right hand's thumb. "What the hell?"

Minako ran past Rei and peeked over the windowsill, gasping. Down on the street, parked in front of the shrine's steps, was a metallic green vehicle, sleek and low to the ground, Mamoru Chiba seated in the driver's seat.

"What's the problem?" Usagi asked, picking up her purse and heading for the door.

"That's an Aventador!" Makoto babble. "That is a motherfucking Lamborghini Aventador!" She turned around, wide-eyed, and looked over at Usagi. "You better get out there fast, because the cops are probably gonna be here any second!"

"Oh, yeah. Sweet ride. Very nice kick to it," Usagi said casually.

"Usagi." Rei crossed her arms over her chest. "Why is your boyfriend driving a Lambo?!"

"Because he has a small penis?" Minako suggested.

"N-no!" Rei shook her head. "I mean...why is your orphan, busboy, med-student boyfriend driving a car that goes for forty million yen on a _good_ day?!"

Usagi shrugged. "Good question. Doesn't make any sense, does it?" She skipped over to the door. "Anyway, catch ya later!"

Rei grinded her teeth together, unconsciously reaching over towards her bedside table and crushing an origami swan with her palm. "Augh, that...freaking..." She stomped over towards the bedroom door that Usagi had left open. "Yeah, see ya later! Enjoy my sloppy seconds!" she shouted, sticking her head out of the bedroom doorway and looking down the hallway that Usagi had just trotted down.

A second later, Usagi's head re-appeared from around the corner, giving Rei a surprisingly effective death glare. Rei grimaced, catching herself and realizing what she had just said.

She put her hands up towards Usagi, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. "Okay, okay. Low blow. Inappropriate. I'm sorry."

"And you call yourself a miko," Usagi grumbled, disappearing back around the corner. Rei pushed herself back into her room, shutting the door behind her.

"A freaking lambo!" Rei grunted, frowning. "What is _up_ with that guy? I feel like...there's gotta be some Walter White-type shit going on with him!"

"Yeah, it's a mystery," Minako agreed.

"Still, though...sloppy seconds...uncalled for," Makoto chided.

"Yeah, I know..." Rei grumbled. "Still...if I didn't move to the side and let her have him, Mamoru totally would have been mine."

"Uh-huh," Makoto said, leaning up against the wall by the window. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Come to think of it though...Mamoru is already pulling some Walter White-type shit that we know about," Minako thought out loud. "Like...Tuxedo Mask is like Heisenberg." She sighed, wrinkling her forehead in thought. "I mean...is Usagi Jesse, or Skyler? That's tough...Mokoti would definitely be Hank—"

"Weren't you leaving?" Rei asked.

"Actually, I gotta run too," Makoto said, reaching her right hand towards Rei. Rei reached forward and gave her a quick slap. "Good times, see you girls later. Rei, I'll expect the money on your desk tomorrow morning."

"In your dreams," Rei retorted.

"I actually have to go as well," Ami said, standing up and gathering her books and notes into her bag. "Thank you, Rei, see you tomorrow."

"Oh, you're...still there," Rei said suddenly, looking over at the table. "Talk about a church mouse—"

"Well, I had to get _something_ done today," she insisted, heading for the door. "See you all!"

"Just so you know, this is _far_ from over!" Minako shouted at her back.

"

0 weeks, 0 days, 21 hours, 01 minutes, 02 seconds...

Arms out at her sides, pushing down towards her body, Ami propelled herself through the water, surfacing for a breath as she thrusted forth. Legs kicking with a hurried, yet measured, pace, she submerged again for a brief moment as she quickly got her hands back up level with her shoulders for another violent push.

It was the most difficult of all the swim styles used in typical competitions. Any beginner could handle the breaststroke, front crawl, and backstroke within minutes, but the slightest error in method on a butterfly stroke would result in only feeble forward movement. Ami enjoyed the mental aspect of the technique. Here, strength didn't matter quite as much. You either did it right, or you went nowhere fast.

She repeated the quick process all the way down the lane of water, swiftly getting to the end wall and going into a perfect flip, which turned into a wall kick, that sent her back the other way. Using the markers on the pool bottom, she thought she was making good progress in getting each of her strokes to cover more ground, a definite-must in preparation for the competition in a few weeks.

Mentally humming a little rhythm in time with her strokes, she quickly cut to the wall, fingers finding the ridge. She immediately looked up at the wall in front of her behind the pool, eyes looking for the timer to get a rough idea of how she had done.

"Hey there!"

Inbetween her and the timer, however, was a fellow swimmer. Or at least presumably, he was at least dressed for the occasion. He was crouched down, looking directly at her, a warm smile on his chiseled face. Ami had opened her mouth to berate him for ruining her lap by blocking the wall clock, but her mouth just hung slightly agape, the words not quite managing to get out.

He pointed down at her. "You're Ami Mizuno?"

"Uh..." Ami managed to shut her mouth and swallow down a sudden buildup of saliva. "Y-yeah."

"Perfect!" He reached down towards her, hand out. "Can we talk for a second?"

Ami was frozen for a moment. Whoever this guy was, he looked like an ancient Greek sculpture. Not an actual person, but rather some absurd fantasy of an idealized person that real life could never hope to match.

But not made of stone or clay, somehow.

After a couple moments of awkward silence, she reached forward and took his hand. He easily pulled her out of the water and set her down on the edge of the pool, then sat down next to her. She still hadn't quite gotten over his chest. It looked like a sheet of human flesh pulled over a 55-gallon barrel.

"You're real good," he said, pointing out at the water. "I like the way you move."

"...yeah," Ami said, going bright red as she forced her eyes away from his torso, settling for staring out across the water in front of her.

"So, I'll make this quick, I know you're busy...I was told you're the woman to talk to about help with integral calculus." He gave a dry little laugh. "I know, I know...my dad is driving my ass about these AP classes, won't stop talking about them...believe me, if it was up to me I'd wait until college to take that shit." He shrugged. "But gotta do it. Anyway...none of the tutors here can really help, and most of the students don't even know what an integral is, so...you know that stuff?"

"Yeah," Ami said, blinking rapidly and keeping her eyes trained on a point on the wall across the pool.

"Well...if you don't want to, or can't, I get it...but basically I just need some help. I did fine with...differentials, but this is tough, so...any chance?"

"Yeah," Ami repeated, voice cracking a bit. She gripped the ridge around the pool tightly with her fingers.

"Really?" He grinned. "Thank you so much!" He gave her a light shove in her side which nearly toppled her over. "Uh...what works for you, I could do...monday after school, or wednesday during lunch."

Ami blinked a few times. "Yeah."

He stared at her awkwardly for a moment. "So...monday...or wednesday?"

"Yeah," Ami nodded quickly, knuckles turning white as she squeezed the edge of the pool.

"So...either?" he assumed.

"Yeah," Ami said, voice cracking even more. She swallowed down hard.

"Okay!" He stood up. "I'll let you get back to your swimming. Thanks so much, see you Monday...say...in the library!" He departed, taking large strides towards the sauna, Ami now daring to look up and follow his movements. Her entire face was bright red, eyes wide and mouth slightly open as she watched him disappear into the small heated chamber.

"Holy shit!"

Ami jumped and turned to look over her left shoulder. In the lane right next to her, another fellow swimmer was staring at her, eyes as wide as hers. Eiko, another expert swimmer who represented Juuban in competitions, one of Ami's teammates.

"O-oh..." Ami trailed off, fighting the losing battle of getting color out of her face.

"Do you know...who that was?!" Eiko hissed, leaning towards her, then glancing around to make sure nobody else was around. "Do you...you know, right?"

Ami blinked a few times. "Uh...I...a student?" she blubbered.

Eiko gave a little exasperated sigh. "Seriously? That...Ami, that was Masahiro Isao!"

Ami could only summon a blank look.

"You know...as in...Masahiro _Nakai_?!" Eiko raised an eyebrow. "You know who _that _is, right?!"

Ami took a quick moment to think, clearing her mind. "U-uh, yeah, the...singer...SMAP and Utuban and...all that, yeah."

Eiko pointed towards the sauna door. "That's his son!"

Ami's mouth fell open slightly yet again, as she turned back around to look at the closed door. "Masahiro?" she repeated, voice squeaking.

"Yes!" Eiko said, nodding. "And, as an impartial observer...he was _totally_ into you!"

Ami looked back at her for a moment, then turned back to look at the far wall across the pool.

She desperately searched her large intellect for an appropriate response or action.

Nothing sprung to mind.


	3. Party Hard

Chapter 03: Party Hard

"

0 weeks, 0 days, 21 hours, 17 minutes, 34 seconds...

"

With great force, the man landed hard into the thickly-cushioned wall on the south side of the gym, quickly falling into a haphazard heap on the matted floor. He laid there for several seconds, then slowly forced his head up.

Makoto stood there, hands up in a guarded position, wearing a stark white gi with a black belt around the waist.

"Come on!" Makoto said energetically. "Up!"

"Ugh..." the man slumped back down to the ground. "I think I'm tapping out."

Makoto immediately slacked back into a straight standing position. "Oh, come on!" she whined. "We just started! You'll never get any better if you tap out after taking a couple licks!"

"I'm thinking...getting better might not be so high on my priority list," the man muttered. Makoto could only put her hands on her hips in resigned frustration.

A second man came up behind Makoto, holding a clipboard. "God, Mako!" He shook his head, stopping next to her. "Just because everyone has to sign waivers before they fight in here doesn't mean that you're allowed to kill them!"

"I'm not gonna kill anyone!" Makoto turned to face the dojo proprietor. "If people just used the proper techniques, there'd be no problem!"

"Well, they're not, so could you please...maybe...go easy on them?" he insisted. "The last thing I need is to become known as the...the dojo where amateurs go to get their ribs broken."

"I am going easy on them," Makoto said. "Okay, I'm...I'm sorry Mister Mori, it's just...I'm really liking this whole Wing Chun thing."

"You know, you're lucky," Mori chided. "Male enrollment around her has dwindled to a trickle thanks to you. Shock and awe, men just aren't interested in getting the crap kicked out of them by a girl."

"Yeah, well...maybe if they did things right," Makoto said, turning to watch her adversary limp towards the locker room door to his left. "Just rub some dirt on it, buddy!"

"Good thing for you that female enrollment is through the roof," Mori added. "Apparently, you're something of a draw. Not for that, I'd have to kick you out."

"Uh, no, you'd...try to kick me out," Makoto replied haughtily.

"Oh, you got a mouth on you too." Mori shook his head. "Either way...nice work with those blocks. Textbook. Exactly what you want to do."

"Thanks."

The main doors across the room swung open, drawing Mori's attention away.

"Ah. Speak of the devil." He pointed his clipboard over towards the door, getting Makoto to look over as well. "The only two male enrollments I've had in a month."

Makoto slowly turned around, jaw going slack as the two came into her view.

Such a sight in Japan was so rare, it was almost thought to not exist at all. They may as well have been unicorns. And yet, the two men dispelled any doubt of their un-natural gifts when they needed to bend down just to make it through the threshold of the doorway. By the Gods, they were massive. Towering behemoths of men, tall simply not enough of a word to describe them.

"Yeah. Big boys, huh?" Mori said, looking over as the two. "Two and a fifth meters each! Three bills. Don't know what they've been putting in their juice boxes, but I could use some of it."

Makoto just watched in a daze as the two giant men quickly shed their clothes, revealing that they were wearing a gi underneath. A bit unusual, but hardly the most unusual thing about them.

"They wanna be...movie stars, y'know?' Mori continued. "And I'd bet this whole damn building they make it. They're just here for a couple months to stay sharp, need some place to train before they make it big and can afford installing a dojo in their own house." He gave a little smile as the two made their way over to one of the blue mats on the west side. "Until they do...hopefully they'll be a nice little draw."

The two wasted no time or energy in any sort of preamble, seemingly quite satisfied to get right to business. They took their positions opposite each other in the little arena, bowed to each other, and then began an obviously well-practiced fight routine.

"Twins," Mori added. "I guess it's kinda obvious, but..." he turned to look at Makoto, only to find her completely uninterested in anything he had to say. She stared, wide-eyed at the two giants battling across the room, mouth slack. He waved his hand around in front of her eyes a few times, getting no response. "...uh...alright, sure, you...bye."

They moved with the grace of a ballet dancer, somehow overcoming their massive frames and bulk to nevertheless swiftly move about. It was as if they really were aliens. It seemed impossible that people so large would be so comfortable in those large bodies, but they moved just like a normal-sized human would.

Makoto slowly lowered herself to the ground, seating herself down with her legs crossed in front of her, not taking her eyes off the scene for a second. One of the brothers swung in with his right fist, the other deftly blocking it with his left forearm. It was definitely a fight between two people who knew each other very well.

Makoto just kept her eyes trained on the scene, captivated.

"

0 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 3 minutes, 23 seconds...

"

Ami grimaced, shuffling the thin blanket around on top of her before kicking it off entirely, onto the other side of the bed. She laid there for a few seconds, then grabbed the sheet back and draped it back over her body, letting her lower legs and feet stick out at the bottom.

She flipped her body over onto her left side, tangling herself up in the sheets. No, that wasn't good either. She glanced up at her bedside clock, noting with annoyance that it was now past one thirty in the morning.

"

Rei stared up at her ceiling unblinkingly, counting the ridges in the wood. Her fingers gripped the edge of her blankets tightly, knuckles white. She tried to relax her mind, but every time she tried her train of thought just kept on going.

So much for all those years of meditation training. She shut her eyes, puffing a sigh from her nostrils, trying to think of nothing but the dull black of the insides of her eyelids.

"

Makoto tossed herself over onto her stomach, laying there for a second amid a messy tangle of sheets, head turned to the right. Grunting, she rolled back over onto her back, kicking her blanket off the bed entirely as she did so.

She wormed herself downwards on her bed, feet nearly hanging off the edge as she got her head off of her pillow, trying to lay flat on her back. When this failed to bring any comfort, she groaned and rolled onto her side.

"

Minako laid limp in a sea of cotton blanketries, a blissful smile on her face, eyes shut and brain cycling through REM patterns.

"

Usagi wrapped her arms tightly around her spare pillow, lightly snoring, body sunk several centimeters into her soft mattress.

"

0 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 37 minutes, 53 seconds...

"

"I have some very good news, Ami."

Ami lifted the coffee cup up to her lips, taking a quick sip of the steaming hot beverage before turning her attention back to the large math book on the table in front of her. Her eyes flashed over to her right, up to where Minako was. "Okay?" She gave a small smile.

Minako leaned in towards Ami. "Well...I've put a lot of thought into it lately, Ami." Minako gave a small nod. "I've been thinking about it. And...I've decided to...lift the ban on my house." She smiled warmly. "You know, after really, really thinking about it, it occurred to me that...with all we've been through...everything we've done together, it's kind of...silly to have something as petty as a house ban."

"Thank you very much, Minako," Ami said earnestly, giving a small nod of her own. "I appreciate it." She returned her focus back to her book of equations.

Minako stared at her for several seconds, still smiling, but the pleasant expression quickly melting into an icy glare as Ami could offer up nothing else.

"So," Minako said, forcing the smile back up on her face. "In light of what I just said, do you have anything you'd...like to say to me?"

Ami looked back up at her. "I already said thank you, I think that...basically covers it."

"Oh, come on!" Minako whined, shoulders dropping as she frowned. "Ami, it's been nearly a week, you can't possibly still be irrational enough to—"

"Mina, it's not my ban!" Ami insisted. "For the last time, I can't even lift the ban, so please just stop pressing me on it!"

"Oh, stop with the bullshit!" Minako sneered, leaning back against the beanbag chair behind her. "You know damn well that you could get the ban lifted if you talked to your mom!" She shook her head. "All the stuff we've been through, and you're seriously gonna let a little something like this drive us apart—"

"No!" Ami interrupted. "We are still friends, Mina! Very close friends! I assure you, nothing can change that, I'm not even angry about what you did, we're totally fine!"

"_Allegedly _did," Minako corrected. "And if we're totally fine, then why am I banned from your apartment?" She sat back up, glaring at Ami.

"That has nothing to do with our friendship! You were banned because you were unable to maintain a minimum acceptable level of proper conduct when you were inside my apartment!" Ami said.

Minako rolled her eyes. "Oh, well heil Hitler, bitch!" She put her right hand's index finger up on her upper lip to roughly simulate a small mustache, putting her left hand up in the air in mock salute.

"Okay," Ami said exasperatedly, holding her palm out towards Minako. "Stop. Just please accept the way things are and—"

"If this conversation subject doesn't change in the next sixty seconds, I will kill you both," Rei menaced, on the verge of cracking her coffee mug in her iron-fisted grip.

Ami turned back to Minako, grimacing. "Mina, please. The ban really means nothing, I mean it! It's really just...a way to placate my mother, nothing more, it doesn't affect us at all! You've been over there maybe...ten times in your life, if that, so what does it matter? Besides..." she leaned in slightly towards Minako, "as we both know, Mina...nothing good happens when the two of us are alone in my apartment. Right?"

Minako returned her glare for a second, then slumped back against the beanbag behind her, still frowning. "Okay," she finally relented, giving a languid nod. "Yeah, I...guess you're right." She shrugged. "Fine."

"So you're done talking about it?" Ami asked, raising her eyebrows at Minako. "You promise?"

Minako lazily extended her right hand out towards Ami. "Cross my heart and hope to die," she said, Ami taking the hand and shaking it. "I'll let you off the hook on this one."

"Oh thank God," Makoto moaned. "Finally, it's over!" She thrust her hands up in the air.

"For now," Rei said dubiously, taking a drag from her own cup of coffee. "So...anyway, on a somewhat similar topic...status update?" She looked over at Makoto. "Hm?"

"What's that?" Makoto looked over at her friend.

"You still with us?" Rei raised her eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh, yes," Makoto said, raising her own cup of coffee up in front of her. "Still master of my domain. You?"

Rei raised her cup back at Makoto. "Lady of the manor," she replied. "Usagi?"

Usagi gave a wry smile before lifting her cup up into the air. "Queen of the castle."

With that, Usagi, Rei, Makoto and Minako all turned to look at Ami, who had re-dedicated her focus to the textbook.

"Well?" Rei asked. "Ami? You're still in?"

Ami looked up, eyes flashing annoyance. "Yes, I'm still in!" She immediately returned her focus to her book. "Of course I'm...still in, and I'd prefer no more reminders that this is even happening, thank you."

"Hey, if you don't wanna be a part of it, just drop a five-spot on the desk on your way out." Makoto pointed over at the desk by Rei's bedroom door.

"If I do have to...drop out...and I assure you, I'm not going to...you will know," Ami said confidently. "I would just prefer to not be reminded that I'm actually...doing this."

"Whatever," Rei grunted, shooting Usagi a side-eye for a couple silent moments. "Well, props to everyone...tonight makes a week."

"Been much, much longer than a week for me," Ami said quietly, turning a page in her textbook.

"Okay, you're the prettiest!" Makoto hissed. "Gosh, Ami."

Fortunately for Ami, nobody noticed that her knuckles had gone white, so tight was her grip on her book.

"

1 week, 1 day, 2 hours, 31 minutes, 12 seconds...

"

"So we, human beings, are the children of these Kamisama," Rei said slowly, both her and her new student sitting in front of the roaring sacred fire in the middle of the large, mostly bare room. "And the idea is, when we step off this mortal coil...we go back to them."

"I gotta say, thank you so much for starting from the beginning for me," Nobu said gratefully, giving a small smile. "It must be so very much...babytown frolics for you, must be painful to have to explain all of this."

"Oh, no, no! Not at all," Rei said comfortingly, giving him a warm smile. "Happy to do it."

"This fire is...it's soothing," Nobu continued. "Like, obviously...it's fire, so it's a very dangerous and lethal thing, but I just don't feel in danger when I'm next to it. I feel...relaxed."

"Yeah, that's...that's the idea," Rei explained. "It's not just a normal fire."

"It's also making me feel warm, uh...do you mind?" He pointed down at his torso, indicating his thin blue t-shirt.

"Oh, uh...yeah, go ahead," Rei said uneasily, grimacing slightly as Nobu quickly made to pull his shirt up over his head. She looked into the fire for a moment, giving a low whistle and exasperated sigh.

"R-right...now...where were we?" Rei asked as the garment was flung into the corner of the room.

"

1 week, 1 day, 18 hours, 7 minutes, 44 seconds...

"

One of the two identical brothers flew through the air, leg out, lancing it right at his counterpart. The other neatly sidestepped it. Somewhere in Makoto's scrambled brain, she could think about what she had just witnessed rationally. A roundhouse kick. Sloppy, telegraphed, not at all an effective move in a fight against someone with decent experience. Only with the complete element of surprise would such an attack have any chance of success.

But it played nicely in the movies. Movie audiences loved a good roundhouse kick. Some action movie stars built their entire career off of the ridiculous move, and they would always win the crowd over. Not a smart move physically, but a very smart one fiscally.

Makoto was aware of these things, but right now was only able to process the sight in front of her on a superficial level. Two giant men, moving like gravity was significantly diluted in their little zone, engaging in a combat that looked so crisp and professional it could only come from over a decade of practice. That's what Makoto was digesting. And the sight was putting stars in her eyes and was practically making her mouth water.

"Hey, Mako!"

Makoto's neck did not turn so much as a fraction of a degree. She just barely made out the hail, and chose to ignore it.

"Mako?"

It was the dojo owner. She continued to keep her eyes on the brothers.

"Hey, we've got some people over here who are interested in...seeing your moves, so any chance you could take a few minutes and—"

"Go away," Makoto replied, voice flat and without emotion.

"Er...just...just a minute or two, really, it would be a big—"

"Go away," Makoto repeated, unwilling to invest her cranial resources into coming up with a better reply.

The voice stopped pestering her.

"

1 week, 2 days, 16 hours, 3 minutes, 9 seconds...

"

"The thing to realize is that...that, uh...some of these problems can take hours to solve," Ami said quietly, leaning over the table in the library, eyes on the large textbook in front of her, trying to keep her breathing under control.

"Even for someone like you?"

Ami winced. Even his voice had a way with her.

"Yeah," she whispered, tapping her fingers against the desk loudly.

Seconds ticked by, Ami battling tidal waves of emotions and feelings warring within her, trying desperately to focus all of her senses into integrals, but finding herself just barely able to hold onto the basic teachings of the subject.

"You okay?" Isao leaned down towards her.

"Y-yeah," Ami muttered, giving her head a little shake. "A-anyway, it can seem like a bit of an...inexact science sometimes, because there are...multiple methods of integration, and some work best in certain circumstances, so you just need to understand all of them. We've already gone over...u-substitution, a-and...partial fractions, now. So that's a good start."

"You're a lifesaver, you know?" Isao said, smiling down at her. Ami chanced a look up at him, immediately both relishing and regretting it at the same time. She could get lost in those eyes of his. "All this help you've been giving me over the last week, it's...it means a lot to me."

Ami looked back down at the table. "Yeah," she squeaked.

"Hey, tell you what..." he leaned in close to her ear. "As a thank you...how about you come by my place tomorrow after eight? I'm hosting a...party, kind of a big deal."

Ami froze, eyes going completely unfocused, pupils dilating.

"It's not just...any party, not just anyone can go. I don't mean to sound like an asshole, y'know, but...I got a pretty sweet place, and my dad's out of town...so the parties are pretty sweet. Throw them a few times a year, special invitation only. You gotta get permission to show up from either me or...well, I guess you'd call them my entourage." He chuckled to himself. "Sorry, you know...dad's in show business." He shrugged. "It actually ends up being several dozen people, people from other towns come over. Definitely a place to be, if I do say so myself. How about it?"

Ami just sat there, blinking heavily, mouth open a centimeter or two.

"I got a big pool, house is three stories...show business has been good to us, y'know. I don't know if parties are your thing, but...you might like it."

"Yeah," Ami finally said, voice still strained.

"Alright then!" He stood up. "I actually gotta head to class, thanks a lot, Ami." He bent down and embraced her with his massive arms, drawing her into an awkward little hug. Ami's breath hitched and her heartrate nearly doubled, eyes going as wide as saucers as he pulled her into his chest. "You're really saving my behind here!"

With that, he set her back down and departed, leaving her there to try to piece her tattered thoughts back together and settle her racing heart. Ami closed her eyes, swallowed down hard, and let a deep, calming breath go.

"What a jerk!"

Ami looked up, finding one of her classmates sitting down in the seat that Isao had just vacated, frowning in the direction of his back. Hanako.

"Huh?" Ami mumbled out, eyes flickering back and forth between her casual friend and Isao.

"You know, you should report him for that!" Hanako hissed, leaning back in the chair as Isao went into the hallway across the room. "He's know you, what...a week? And he's giving you a full-body hug?" She shook her head, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. "Inappropriate. In. A. Propriate. Not okay. If I were you, I'd report him. You didn't ask for it, he didn't get permission for it. That's just a meathead thinking he can...take whatever he wants."

Ami looked back down at her textbook. Her eyes remained unfocused. She couldn't even make out the paragraphs. She squeezed her eyes shut hard for a moment, managing to re-calibrate her eyes. "Yeah," she squeaked out.

"Well, I'll tell you something. Just because your dad is a big shot, does _not_ mean you can just behave like that and expect to get away with it!" Hanako reached down into her school bag and pulled out a book of her own. "And inviting you to a party? Please." She rolled her eyes. "Does he even know the first thing about you? As if you've be caught within ten miles of a...party like that."

"Yeah." Ami finally relented, closing the book, giving up on comprehending it rightr now.

"Nothing but...underage drinking, obnoxious bass beats, and other absurdities. It's like he doesn't even realize what kind of person you are!" She scoffed. "You're a saint, you know...saying yes to him like that. Don't wanna hurt his feelings, I get it...course, tomorrow night he'll be getting a surprise."

"Yeah," Ami said, voice cracking.

Hanako looked over at Ami, eyebrow raised. "Wait...you're _not_ going to that party, right? Seriously, it's basically a frat party, trust me, I've heard. I mean, I understand you don't want to be rude to his face, but...that's no place for you."

"Yeah."

Hanako leaned in towards Ami, an accusing look on her face. "Ami? Are...are you..."

Ami quickly swept the large textbook under her right arm, taking her schoolbag on her left shoulder, then turned away from her friend and marched off, moving with a sense of urgency.

"

1 week, 3 days, 23 hours, 56 minutes, 18 seconds...

"

Dead silence. Quiet as a church mouse. Muted as a grave.

It wasn't often that a room with Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto, and Minako could be described with those phrases. Today was one of those rare days. Crowded around the table in Rei's bedroom, with all manner of academic paraphernalia scattered around them, not a one of them dared to make a peep. Only could the most perceptive of ears perhaps pick up on their breathing, and every now and then a page might get turned. Other than that, nothing.

At first, Usagi and Minako had attempted to treat this study session as any other, bringing up assorted topics and idly chatting, but had been met only with stone cold silence and a series of death glares that would have caused most dogs to wet themselves. Even Minako, usually oblivious to such things, found it to be a smart move to fall silent for the time being.

And so silent they had been, for some time now. To an outsider, they looked focused on studying. But in truth, they were anything but.

Suddenly, without warning, and with tremendous speed, Makoto picked up one of the science books from the table, lifted it up high over her head, and started repeatedly slamming it down onto the table in front of her, generating enough force to shake the entire surface and threaten to cause the legs to buckle. Everyone else jumped back in surprise as Makoto continued to beat savagely with the heavy book.

"What the hell?!" Rei snapped, falling back to the carpet and shuffling away to avoid getting in the attack zone.

Makoto was not satisfied until she had struck the table at least a dozen times. Somehow, it held against her beating, testament to the strength of it's construction. Makoto still held it up over her head threateningly, looking down at the table.

"M-Makoto?" Usagi mumbled, eyes wide with fear as Makoto offered no explanation.

Finally, she casually tossed the book back down on the table, then went back to reading her own. "Horsefly," she grunted.

Slowly, the four other girls crowded back around the table, looking around for what was most certainly going to be a very much flattened fly corpse.

"I don't see it," Rei snapped.

"Well, I did!" Makoto retorted, scowling heavily.

"But I don't!" Rei hissed. "And you're _going_ to find it, or I'm going to hold you responsible for damage to my table!"

"U-uh, I think the table is fine," Usagi said meekly, giving it a little shake with her hands.

"I—" Rei turned to accost Usagi with another trademark death glare and retort, but didn't quite get to the second part. She looked at her blonde friend for a few moments, eyes harsh, carefully examining her. Usagi timidly went back to her book.

"Usagi," Rei said, voice terse. "Anything you want to...tell us?"

"Uh..." Usagi furrowed her brought for a moment. "Well...oh, yeah, uh...I'm helping Mamo-chan re-decorate his apartment!" she said brightly. "Y'know, at first he was dragging his feet, couldn't get him to really involve himself int he process, but...I'm proud of him, he's starting to really...put himself into it. I'm proud of him. And of course, I'm spending...a lot of time over there lately, so I'm pretty excited about getting to fix things up a bit."

Rei just trained her eyes on Usagi, glaring right into her face, watching Usagi slowly shrink away from the menacing gaze.

"Alright," she finally muttered quietly. "Whatever."

A sudden light scritching sounded from the other side of the table. Ami had taken to trying to write out something on a sheet of paper. Emphasis on the words 'trying' and 'something' for her hand was shaking to the point of completely ruining her typically picture-perfect handwriting.

Minako glanced over at the attempt at kanji, scooching over to watch as Ami's pencil practically vibrated as she brought it along the surface.

"What language is that?" Minako asked. "You sure you should be trying to learn how to write a new language with the exams coming up?"

"I'm fine," Ami muttered, bringing her left hand up to try to grab the pencil more firmly, but found it did nothing to stop the shaking.

"Do you need more coffee?" Minako asked. "Or maybe much less coffee—"

"I'm FINE!" Ami snapped, the pencil snapping into five pieces in her hands, the wood finally giving under her futile attempts to steady herself.

Minako pursed her lips as Ami quickly swept the broken pencil pieces up, looking quite angry at the writing tool for succumbing to her pressure. "Right. So, tonight—"

"Have plans," Ami said through gritted teeth as she tossed the broken pencil pieces over her shoulder.

"Hey!" Rei leaned over the table towards Ami. "This is my room, you don't litter here!"

"If you have a problem with it, deal with it yourself," Ami said, scowling down at her math book.

"Yeah, I will, maybe I'll use your big mouth as a vacuum cleaner!" Rei said, standing up suddenly.

"What is wrong with you people?"

Rei looked down, gaze finding Usagi, still kneeling at the table. She was looking up at her, eyebrow raised in confusion, face reflecting a touch of fear.

Rei regarded herself with a quick glance, suddenly catching herself. She closed her eyes and took in the deepest, longest breath she could, then slowly let it out.

She forced a rather unpleasant smile to her face, then kneeled back down at the table. Gripping her robes tightly for a moment, she looked over to Ami. "I'm sorry, Ami. It's just a few...pieces of a broken pencil. Doesn't matter. Don't worry about it," she forced out, voice dripping with honey.

Not to be outdone, Ami clasped her hands together in her lap and inhaled her own large breath, finally getting her arms to stop shaking. She gave a strained smile of her own. "No...I'm the sorry one, Rei. Throwing trash around in your room. I should be...ashamed of myself. I'll go pick it up."

She turned around and crawled over to the remains of the pencil, quickly scooping the pieces up.

Makoto took this moment to settle herself as well, bowing her head and smacking her knuckles against her temple a couple times. "My apologies about the table, my good friend. I really did think I saw a horsefly." Her face was contorted into what looked like a cheap mask of her actual face.

"Well...I hate horseflies too, so...apology accepted," Rei said, turning to face Usagi with that tortured grin. "Nothing is wrong, Usagi." She put her hands out to her sides. "All is well."

Usagi continued to give Rei a puzzled look. "Right."

"

1 week, 4 days, 2 hours, 21 minutes, 56 seconds...

"

"You're so lucky you ended up with me and not any of my friends," Usagi said under her breath, leaning up close to Mamoru. The two lovers were seated on a park bench, about half a dozen blocks from Mamoru's apartment, just at the edge of the large field of grass and ponds. "Those girls are crazy, let me tell you."

Mamoru stroked the top of Usagi's head. "I sure feel lucky." The sun was just a few minutes away from setting, casting a final bright light over the proceedings beneath it before it disappeared for the evening.

"Yeah...some people just can't control themselves." Usagi sat back up, holding the folded-up magazine in front of her. "So anyway...I was thinking that this one would be great." She pointed her index finger at a dark red couch on the bottom left corner of one of the pages. It was L-shaped for positioning in a corner. "I was thinking that this would go great near the big window opposite the door."

Mamoru blanched slightly. "Well...what's wrong with the sofa we already have?"

Usagi gave him a dry look. "Is that a serious question?"

Mamoru glanced back and forth nervously for a few seconds until Usagi chuckled.

"I'm kidding!" She flipped the page. "I'm not gonna make you buy a new sofa."

"Good," Mamoru said, leaning back and placing his arms along the top of the top of the bench. "I happen to like mine, thank you."

Usagi snorted. "I wouldn't go that far, but...anyway, let's talk coffee tables."

Mamoru's eyes were off the magazine for the moment, however, instead following the slow gate of a young woman walking in front of the couple. Momentarily forgetting his position, Mamoru let his gaze linger over the woman's exposed legs.

Usagi snapped him out of it with a light tap of her magazine on his forehead. "Eyes over here, Mamo-chan!"

Mamoru quickly turned back to her, blinking rapidly a couple times. "S-sorry...halter tops, haven't seen those in a...a-awhile."

"Yup," Usagi murmured. "That time of year. But you _weren't_ looking at her top."

Mamoru gave a small smile. "Sorry. Okay, so, coffee table...I'd like something glass. Like, the surface of the table, if it was glass, I think that'd be nice."

Usagi quickly skimmed the catalog as Mamoru pulled out his vibrating phone.

"Yeah, I like glass too," Usagi commented.

"Oh boy," Mamoru said, pocketing his phone. "Party started."

"What's that?" Usagi asked, finding one of the coffee tables listed that boasted a pure glass surface.

"The party, y'know...the Masahiro party, down by 98th and Onyx," Mamoru explained. "Isao and his boys."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that," Usagi mused.

"Couple of my friends got invites, they just sent me a couple pictures, it's already...man, these people, they're nuts." Mamoru shook his head. "We should head back, getting dark." He got up, draping his right arm around Usagi's back, slowly leading her beyond the park border, strolling down the sidewalk. "It's like the...party of the year."

"You didn't get invited?" Usagi asked.

"I did," Mamoru said, grimacing. "Turned it down, it's...well, a certain kind of party."

"Awww," Usagi said, blushing. "You'd rather spend time with me than go to a party! That's so sweet!"

Mamoru gave a half-hearted nod. "Yeah...sure, let's...go with that." The two began the short trek back to his apartment. "And really, it's...one of those frat parties, really." He shrugged. "Not my scene. Just...if I may toot my own horn...no place for an intellectual."

"

Ami sat on the plush couch, eyes unfocused, body slack as she stared at the opposite wall. The deep bass beat from the massive subwoofers just outside was enough to nearly jitter her right out of her seat, each and every pulse of music felt through her entire body. She was only dimly aware of the actual sound the speakers generated, however, as her mind was very much elsewhere.

The initial stimulation of the party environment threatened to overwhelm her. This was not at all something she was used to. She had been to parties before, of course, but typically they were restrained affairs with a handful of people and some degree of organization. Though this party was only technically a few minutes old, several dozen had already showed and it was clear this would be little more than a haphazard frenzy of eating, drinking, dancing, and swimming, with whatever else came to one of the party-goers on a whim thrown in.

Ami had frantically searched for a room with a lower population density, having found the front entrance and main living room overly crowded and active, driving her senses into a mad frenzy. She had had quite enough of that over the past week, and this threatened to send her over the edge.

She had stumbled through a flood of bodies, sweat and alcohol already invading her nostrils violently. The heat of the sun still held it's sway over the temperature inspite of it's departure moments ago, meaning virtually everyone was wearing little. And as the cherry on top of the sundae, there wasn't a single male in attendance, that she had seen on her unsteady trek to this little side room, who wasn't absolutely delicious to view.

It was horrible. Her emotions and feelings were being tossed about like clothes in a washing machine, her senses were firing off like a christmas tree, and the loud music seemed to be trying to push her brain cells out of her ears.

This was not her. This was oil and water.

And you would have needed multiple tasers to drag her away from it all.

"Alright, you made it!"

Ami threw a quick glance to her right as someone entered the room. Isao approached her, arms out at his sides, a smile on his face. Ami quickly turned back to face the wall.

"Good to see you!" Isao greeted. "So, anyway, there's not a ton of organization or anything, you can come when you want and leave when you want...got all kinds of food, help yourself...you can swim, I know that's kind of your thing." He sat down next to her, crowding up right beside her.

Ami gave a tiny, inaudible little moan. "Yeah," she managed to choke out, hands gripping the edge of the couch tightly.

"Are uh...are you okay?" Isao asked. "I mean, the whole house is open of course, but there's not exactly much going on in here, action's outside."

"Yeah," Ami repeated, giving a tiny nod.

"Hey, Isao, what're you doing in here?"

Ami didn't bother looking up at the newcomer as he entered the room from her left, eyes trained on the wall, giving a thousand-yard stare that was supposed to come from an extended service in the military.

"Who's this? I don't think I've seen her before."

Ami took the quickest of glances over to her left, just enough to make out three people, before going back to the wall.

"This is Ami. She's helping me with calculus, so she's here on my invite," Isao answered. "So...play nice."

"Huh," a voice from her left said. "Like Mick Jagger holding a warm glass of milk."

"Hey, she's here, isn't she?" Isao countered. "Night is young, she'll come around."

"Doesn't look like she's having much fun." A red plastic cup was placed in her peripheral vision. "Want a drink?"

Without thinking, Ami took the cup and immediately placed it to her mouth, vaguely aware of Isao yelling 'no' just as the liquid within breached her lips.

Her taste buds protested violently and Ami quickly dropped the cup, spewing what had entered her mouth out in a fine mist in front of her, buckling over slightly and coughing.

"Oh, you...idiots!" Isao got up and quickly swept the three out of the room. "Get the hell out of here!"

Ami softly pounded her chest a couple times as the final remnants of the beer flew from her mouth, tongue complaining of the bitter aftertaste.

"I am...so sorry." Isao sat on her right side now, a concerned frown on his face. "Those guys...they're not so bright, they just...do things without thinking." He shook his head. "I'm really sorry, if you...I totally would understand if you...y'know...wanted to go."

"It's fine," Ami said meekly. "It's okay."

Isao patted her back. "I'm glad, really. God, I'll get into those idiots a little later, really."

"Hey, Isao!"

Ami looked up to see yet another person enter, holding a small bundle of white t-shirts in his arms.

"Who you got there?" he asked, gesturing his head over towards Ami.

"A friend from school," Isao answered, cuffing the back of her head gently. "Real nice girl, she's helping me with calculus."

"Oh, nice." He flung one of the garments at her, the shirt draping itself around Ami's head. "Hey, we're gonna have a wet t-shirt contest, want in?"

Isao gave a small chuckle, removing the shirt from atop Ami's head and holding it out in front of him. "I don't know if she's...that kind of girl."

"What's that?" Ami asked, staring up at the shirt, eyes slowly focusing in on the item of clothing.

Isao laughed. "O-oh, well...uh, it's basically, a bunch of girls put on white t-shirts, get sprayed with a hose, and...well, a bunch of guys pick the winner."

Ami stared at the shirt for a long moment, then swallowed down hard. "What's the...the judging criteria?"

Isao busted up with laughter, keeling over slightly. "Judging criteria, that's...that's actually a good question!" He shook his head. "Uh, y'know, that's kind of hard to say, it's...they just kind of take a look and decide what they like."

"Yeah, the idea is that the girls...aren't wearing anything underneath the t-shirt, y'know?" the other pointed out.

It was the stupidest thing she had ever heard of. There may have been no more banal or absurd thing in all of existence. This contest was surely where brain cells were sent to die.

Is what she would have thought had her brain been functioning even close to normally.

In a swift motion, she took the t-shirt from Isao's grip and walked over to the opposite wall. A single closet door was there, so she pulled it open, stepped inside the private, dark chamber, and shut the door behind her.

"

1 week, 4 days, 5 hours, 34 minutes, 7 seconds...

"

Ami stared at her computer screen, whole body shaking, jaw slack and pupils dilated.

It had been quite an evening for her. She still hadn't fully recovered, even after being home for a good twenty minutes. She might never recover, truthfully. It was both the most wonderful and most horrific experience of her life, that duality threatening to rip her into two pieces on the spot, even as she sat in the comfort of her room.

Something had possessed her to participate in what may have been the most ridiculous contest in the history of documented human existence. There hadn't even been a winner crowned, making even the usage of the term 'contest' dubious at best. At some point in the night, amidst all the sweat and bass, she had been goaded into doing some swimming to impress a crowd.

Other than that, everything was a blur, each event melting into the next one until her evening could be remembered as little more than a whirl, the only constants being what seemed to be a neverending supply of six-pack abs. Oh, those she remembered. They had etched themselves onto her eyeballs. And, above every other emotion she was going through, those memories affected her most of all.

She reached over with a shaking hand to the glass of water by her keyboard, picking it up, nearly spilling some of the cold liquid as she brought it to her lips and took a small sip. After setting it down, she desperately tried to get her mind back on track, placing her hands on the keyboard. She began typing up a report, hoping to bury herself in something besides memories of six-pack abs.

Her entire body felt hot. She had taken a cold shower on getting home, only to find the flush that invaded her entire body remained even after this treatment. Her heart was still beating faster than typical.

And her loins ached.

Oh, they ached.

Her eyes focused on her computer screen and she realized she had been writing gibberish. With a grunt of frustration, she quickly erased evidence of her caveman-like attempts at writing and gave her head a mighty shake, flecks of sweat going every which way. Suddenly, after a moment's thought, she threw herself out of the computer chair and went over by her bed, ripping open her school bag and yanking the books from it as she fell to her knees by it.

She cracked open her math book, quickly opening to a chapter near the beginning and attempting to read it. She stared in horror. It may as well have been an alien text! Though she could understand individual words, and maybe phrases, she found herself unable to tie these things together into a meaningful collection that actually taught something. Concepts that she had mastered months, if not years, ago! Not only could she not sift them from her brain, she could not even utilize her books as a reference.

In a building panic, she quickly opened up her biology book. A frantic two minutes spent reading the same sentence over and over again confirmed her fears. She quickly browsed a chemistry book, desperately trying to find a foothold, but only tossed it only her bed in frustration after a moment.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she reached up and grabbed her hair, tugging it harshly. This had never, in her life, happened before.

She was..._dumb._

This was hell.

She looked up, over at her computer, and forced herself to her feet. She could not abide by this. She could not take another minute of this. She would not allow this degrading madness to continue. She would not, and could not, stand to find the simplest of academic readings to fly over her head.

The bank was foreclosing. The electricity and water had been turned off.

It was time to pay the rent.

Lurching back towards her computer, painfully aware of the intense throbbing between her legs, Ami stopped along the way at her bookshelf. She grabbed one of the smaller ones, a poetry book on the top shelf, and opened the front cover. A small silver key fell into her hand. Armed with this, she quickly got back in front of the computer.

On the front of the computer desk, there was a small drawer with a silver keyhole in it. With shaking hands, she managed to jam the key in and twist it. Inside was a modestly-sized white tube, about the size of a healthy cucumber. She took it in her hands, shutting the drawer as she sat down.

She never dared keep the vibrator anywhere else, completely unwilling to face the line of conversation that she would be forced to have with anyone who ever found it. Oh, she could only imagine the neverending taunts from Minako if she knew that Ami possessed a...

...wait.

Her friends. The contest. The bet.

Ami roughly slammed the pleasure toy down on the desk by her mouse. No. She was stronger than that. She took in a deep breath, puffing it out emphatically, slowly removing her hand from the tool.

She winced a couple times, then nodded to herself. She would not give in. She couldn't. All she needed was a few hours to recover from that ridiculous party, and all would be well. Still shaking, she managed to partially clear her head. Yes. She was going to be fine.

She was about to turn and head off to bed, hoping to sleep her bizarre reaction off, when her computer gave off a soft beep. Quickly arming herself with the mouse, she clicked through her desktop to find the source.

She gasped. A half-dozen friend requests. Apparently, she had gotten the attention of some people at the party.

Every fiber of her being was yelling at her to ignore it, to go to bed, to deal with it in the morning. Nothing good could come of this.

But it would be..._rude_...right?

Obediently, she quickly accepted all six of her new friends with a series of clicks. Unfortunately, just as she was about to make this her last computer-related activity of the night, her eye just barely managed to catch something that drew her attention.

She focused in on it. It was a picture of her swimming in the Masahiro pool.

A few clicks later, she found it. One of her new friends had taken what must have been three hundred pictures of the party and posted them all online. Feeling about half-a-dozen conflicting emotions, she quickly scanned them. They seemed to document just about everything that had happened over the few hours that night.

Her body began shaking again.

It was enough when it was just her memories recalling what had happened. But now to have concrete, solid, indisputable, pictorial evidence?

Her eyeballs refused to peel themselves away from the computer screen. They simply would not let her turn around and go to bed. They were liking what they saw far too much, and did not particularly care of their pleasure came at the expense of the brain.

Her right hand found the handle of her vibrator again, pulling it over towards herself.

_No._

_Don't do it._

_After everything you said to them?_

_They'll make fun of you for the next ten years._

_Do you really want to face them tomorrow?_

_You're better than this._

As she stared at the collection of pictures before her, her vision started to swim.

The eventual death of the universe was being simulated inside her brain. The black holes had evaporated, and all matter had disentegrated. Photons, neutrinos, electrons, and positrons were flying about inside of there, hardly ever encountering each other, unable to fire off anything resembling rational thought.

Ami raised the vibrator up in her hand.

She was trapped inside an inescapable labyrinth.

And the only way out was to knock down the walls.

The tool buzzed to life violently in her hand, and she slowly inched it downward.

"

1 week, 4 days, 7 hours, 3 minutes, 41 seconds...

"

Rei's bloodshot eyes tried to bore a hole in the ceiling for a few moments, then she violently rolled over, doing a full three-sixty. She grunted in frustration, kicking her blanket away. Without thinking, she reached over and grabbed her bedside water glass, then poured it on her crotch. She gasped at the cool sensation this afforded her, even as her shorts and bedsheets were stained.

"

Makoto scowled, squeezing her spare bed pillow in her large hands tightly and wrenching it about. She set it down next to her and punched it a few times, driving it down into the mattress a bit, then rolled over on top of it. It took only a second for her to roll back off, then toss the poor pillow across the room, sending it crashing into the window blinds.

"

Ami was practically in a coma, so deep was her slumber. She was so exhausted, not a single muscle in her body so much as twitched. If you looked closely enough, you could just barely make out a faint, self-satisfied smile on her lips.

"

Usagi absentmindedly stroked the top of Luna's head with her finger, a reflexive action that she had done so much over the years she would do it even in the midst of her sleep. Giving a soft, satisfied moan, she gently tossed her head to the right.


	4. Monkey Wrench

Chapter 04: Monkey Wrench

"

1 week, 4 days, 21 hours, 45 minutes, 15 seconds...

"

"You're not even trying to hide it!" Rei snapped, hands on her hips, leaning forward, scowling down at Usagi. Usagi shrunk back underneath the accusing gaze, leaning back on Rei's desk chair. "It's incredibly obvious, Usagi, just come clean!"

Usagi shook her head. "I...I don't know what you're talking about," she said meekly.

"Oh, give me a break!" Rei said. "It couldn't be more obvious! You're cheating! Stop insulting my intelligence and just admit it!"

Usagi suddenly stood up from the desk chair. "Rei, back off," she said. "Look, we all agreed on the honor system, which implies that you're willing to take my word for it when I say that I'm still in!"

"Pinky swear is sacred," Minako commented from the corner of the room, where she was leaning up against the wall. "She's got you there!"

"Shut up!" Rei ordered, turning around to point at Minako. "This doesn't concern you!" She turned back to Usagi, but looked up behind Usagi's head, instead focusing her gaze on Makoto. "Mako, anything you want to say?!" She gestured both her hands at Usagi. "She may as well be advertising it!"

Makoto was seated on the floor on the other end of the room, arms crossed over her chest and scowling. "An explanation would be nice," she said, voice terse and clipped.

"Yeah, Usagi!" Rei leaned back in towards her. "Explain yourself!"

"Explain what?" Usagi asked, raising an eyebrow at Rei.

Rei sighed. "Explain how you're going around as if nothing's wrong after close to eleven days!"

"Because nothing's wrong!" Usagi protested. "I feel fine!"

"You mean to tell me that, after eleven days without masturbation, you're no worse for wear?!" Rei's eyes narrowed. "You expect me to believe that?!" She pointed downwards. "Because I've got the fires of Hades going on down here, and this is me we're talking about!"

"I don't masturbate anymore!" Usagi said. "It...it doesn't work anymore."

Rei scowled. "What does that even mean?!"

Usagi grimaced, then slightly turned away from Rei's accusing glare. "I...it doesn't...rev the engine anymore," she explained. "Ever since me and Mamo-chan started having sex, it's...well, it's kinda like...trying to drink watered-down, store-brand cola after drinking Coca-Cola." She shrugged. "Just doesn't cut it anymore, so I...stopped doing it."

Rei closed her eyes. "Usagi. I thought I was very clear about this. You can't have sex with Mamoru either! So—"

"I haven't!" Usagi insisted. "We only have sex once a month!"

Minako pushed herself back up into a standing position from the wall, eyes on Usagi. "Seriously?"

Usagi put her arms out to her sides. "I thought you guys knew that, I always tell you guys all about it after every time."

"I thought you were only telling us about the really good ones," Minako muttered, slightly taken aback.

"No, I tell you guys about all of them," Usagi said. "I mean, Mamo-chan...some of this stuff is a little tough for him, I have to bring him along slowly. If I come on too strong with some of this stuff he'll get scared. Plus he's...piss-his-pants terrified of my father still, so there's that." She grimaced. "Had to fight like hell just to get the once-a-month arrangement."

"So...you're telling me that you only...get off once a month, and...you're just okay with that?" Rei asked, still frowning deeply and carefully appraising Usagi.

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Go downtown and find a male prostitute?" Usagi asked. "And to be totally honest...it's not so bad. Yeah, the first couple months were rough, but then my body adjusted, and...actually, it makes the release a lot more satisfying and fulfilling. Like, there's the anticipation factor now. Yeah, the garbage piles up on the sidewalk a little bit, but...as long as I know the garbage man is gonna come at a certain time, it's fine. So yeah, my body has totally adjusted to this schedule, and I'm gonna let Mamo-chan ease into things slowly."

"Huh," Minako mused. "Fascinating. I wonder if that'll happen to me one day." She pursed her lips. "I actually hope not. Don't get me wrong, I'm down with a capital 'D' for sex, but there's just something...satisfying about being able to pleasure yourself, hope I never lose that—"

Rei pointed a finger directly at Usagi's forehead. "You're disqualified," she hissed in a low whisper.

"Uh, no, I'm not," Usagi countered. "I've explained myself, so—"

"You lied!" Rei snapped, again leaning up close to Usagi's face. "You weren't truthful about yourself, you're disqualified!"

"I didn't lie!" Usagi retorted. "I...omitted certain truths. The way in which my body works is not your concern anyway, so...deal with it."

"No, no, I'm not standing for this!" Rei roared. "If you've mutated yourself into some kind of dead-libido freak, that's something that you needed to tell us!"

The door to the room slid open gently, revealing Ami, who walked in as quietly as possible.

"Oh, good, you're here!" Rei said, turning to Ami as she made her way towards the computer desk. "We have a very serious problem here with Usagi, I need your backing here!"

Ami, however, had no ears for Rei. Expression flat and unreadable, pupils dilated, she went over to the desk and placed her purse on the corner of it. Quickly, she rummaged through it, then pulled out a single rectangular piece of paper. She dropped it onto the desk, then grabbed her purse and walked off, letting the bill flutter down.

Rei was distracted from her tirade, eyes now tracking Ami as she retreated towards the bed in the corner of the room. Her eyes flickered over to the bill, now resting on the desk, a pristine-condition five-thousand yen note. Usagi stared down at it as well, then turned to look at Ami. She sat down on the bed, opening a book and pressing it up to her face, shielding it from view. It was so close to her face, there was no chance she was actually able to read it.

Minako came over as well, silently staring at the five-thousand yen note. Even Makoto momentarily forgot her own pains of denial and got up to look at the money Ami had just put down.

The room was just quiet for a few seconds, everyone taking several moments to assure themselves that, yes, Ami had just forked over five grand. They then looked over to appraise Ami, who looked determined to be as ignored as possible by her friends.

Slowly, the edge of Minako's mouth twitched, then curled into a small grin, as the initial surprise wore off and the lightbulb came on.

And then, there was silence no more.

"Oh SHIT!" Minako yelped, smacking her palms down on the desk, then putting her hands up on her head and bouncing up into the air. "NO! NO! That is NOT happening right now!" She sprinted over to Ami, cackling like a madwoman. "Oh my GOD, that...that..." She sat down heavily right next to her friend, placing her hands up on Ami's shoulder to support herself, leaning against her and releasing the most joyous laughter imaginable.

"Wow," Rei said, looking over at Ami, who continued to conceal her face behind her book as Minako nearly tackled her to the bed. "So much for that."

"You...you..." Minako gasped between laughter, fighting to speak coherently. She started lightly smacking Ami's shoulder as she fought with hysteria, but Ami maintained her defensive position. "You talked...you talked all that shit...you talked all that SHIT...and you...you're the second person...oh my GOD!"

"Sup, Lionel Messi?" Makoto asked wryly.

"Well, she sure scored last night," Usagi joked.

Minako pushed herself back up and lurched over to the wall by the bed, still laughing her head off. "NO! NO! This is the best thing ever!" She reached forward and put her fist through one of the paper frames that made up the wall, instantly drawing Rei's wrath.

"HEY!" Rei quickly went over to Minako. "Dammit, Mina, not again!" She grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her back into the middle of the room, looking at the ripped square of paper. "God..."

Minako stumbled towards the door, pushing her way past Makoto and Usagi, nearly falling over due to sheer breathlessness. Her hands lashed out for the knob, but she ended up tearing up another wall section, using the wooden frame as a handhold to yank it open.

"Mina!" Rei shrieked, scowling again as she went over to the door. "These are _not_ easy to fix!"

"Yeah they are," Makoto muttered as Minako lurched into the hallway, keeling over, practically in stitches.

"Well, I don't need her knowing that!" Rei said through gritted teeth.

Minako finally looked up, glancing down the hall way. "Hey, hey, buddy, c'mere!" she shouted, motioning down the hall. A moment later, Yuuchirou appeared, looking a little wary of the highly energetic blonde. "Yo, Yuuchirou, up high!" Minako raised her right hand up high in the air. Yuuchirou raised his own up nonchalantly, allowing her to violently smack them together in a vicious high-five. "Oh, oh man, Yuuchirou, I..." she pointed into Rei's bedroom. "Ami masturbated!"

Yuuchirou just stood there, face wrinkled in confusion. "What?"

"Yeah!" Minako nodded. "Ami Mizuno MASTURBATED!" She leaped past Yuuchirou, skipping along the wooden floor, nearly rocketing up to the ceiling as she went into a high-energy singsong. "AMI MASTURBAAAATED! AMI MASTURBAAAATED! AMI MASTURBAAAATED!"

Her voice slowly faded as she began to traverse the depths of the shrine, Yuuchirou left to scratch his head. Slowly, he turned and leaned into the bedroom, peering at the blue haired girl over on the bed, head still hiding inside of a book. He turned to Usagi, Rei, and Makoto in hopes of some clarification.

"Well, she's...not lying," Usagi said, a tiny grin on her face.

Yuuchirou looked back over at Ami. "Like...just now?"

"No, no...last night, probably," Makoto answered.

"Oh." Yuuchirou glanced back down the hall where Minako had disappeared.

"_Ami masturbaaated! Ami masturbaaated! Ami masturbaaated!_"

"Well, why is that such a big deal?" Yuuchirou asked.

"It's kind of a long story," Usagi said.

"Uh...I kinda wouldn't mind maybe...hearing this long story—"

"Oh, get out of here!" Rei ordered, pointing down the hall. Yuuchirou scurried off, Rei's fiery gaze following him. "Pervert..." she turned back to the room. "If any of you tell him about this contest, I'll have your guts for garters, by the way."

"_Ami masturbaaated! Ami masturbaaated! Ami masturbaaated!_"

"So. Anyway." Makoto turned to look over at Ami, slowly making her way across the room. "Anything to say for yourself? Hm?"

Ami didn't budge a centimeter, book held up over her face like it was a shield protecting her from certain death.

"Didn't think so," Makoto said, shaking her head in mock disappointment and walking away.

"Y'know, I was giving you a hard time at your place to...rile you up," Rei said, giving Ami a wry look. "I didn't you'd actually...do it."

"_Ami masturbaaated! Ami masturbaaated! Ami masturbaaated!_" Her chant was starting to become louder and louder as she began moving back closer to the bedroom.

"Alright, I think that's quite enough from _her_," Rei muttered, turning around and going towards the door. Makoto put her arm out to her side, blocking her path out of the room.

"Ah, let's...give her a couple more minutes," Makoto said, smirking over at Ami.

Suddenly, another rice paper panel right above the bed burst inwards, Minako's hand stabbing through, pointing emphatically at Ami's back as Minako continued to laugh herself to death. She had made her way out into the backyard.

"Fucking, God—" Rei snapped, running over towards her bed and leaping across the room, just barely missing grabbing Minako by the wrist, Minako pulling out just in time. Rei faceplanted into her mattress next to Ami, who still refused to react. "Minako! We have three-year-olds who come to this temple every week and _never_ tear the walls!"

Minako ignored Rei, however, turning around and swinging her limbs about with extreme over-exaggeration, casually making her way out into the field surrounding the main structure of the temple. "Amiii massturrrbaaated! Amiii massturrrbaaated! Amiii massturrrbaaated!"

Rei just watched her through the newly-made window, eyes narrowed as Minako shrunk into the distance.

"Yeah, I think she's...gotten enough mileage out of that one," Rei said, pushing herself up into a standing position. "I'm going to...oh, _shit!_" Rei spun around and took off for the door, blowing past Usagi and Makoto, yanking the door wide, and sprinting down the hall.

"What, what?!" Usagi took off behind her friend, Makoto deciding to give pursuit after a half-second.

After a quick jaunt down the hall, the three girls burst out of the back door and into the yard. Rei skidded to a halt at the edge of the wooden deck, however, seeing that she was already too late.

Across the yard, Grandfather Hino was standing in front of about fifteen people, apparently giving some sort of lecture. Or at least, had been. His attention, as well as the attention of his would-be audience, had been stolen by Minako, who was now dancing through the rows of prospective Shinto worshippers.

"Amiii massturrrbaaated! Amiii massturrrbaaated! Amiii massturrrbaaated!" Minako continued, weaving back and forth between the collection of people.

"God...dammit," Rei grunted, not even bothering to try chasing her down at this point. Usagi and Makoto both peered over Rei's shoulders.

"Well...nobody can say she doesn't deserve that apartment ban now, I guess," Makoto said.

"I am so..._incredibly _embarrassed," Rei moaned, Minako now running around and trying to farm high-fives from the group of people, who only stared at her in return. Minako didn't seem to particularly mind being left hanging, however, still giggling with unbridled glee.

"For the shrine, or for the Senshi?" Usagi asked.

"Both." Rei grimaced. "Plus the entire human race."

Finally, Minako sprinted over towards the three girls, still snickering and snorting away. Rei opened her mouth, preparing to berate her as she got closer, but Minako simply dashed by her, back into the shrine, no mind for anything but enjoying this moment as much as she possibly could.

"Mina!" Rei shouted, giving hot pursuit as Minako ran back into Rei's bedroom. Usagi and Makoto followed quickly. Sure enough, a quick journey down the hall later, Minako had plopped herself down right next to Ami on the bed, still laughing, but finally beginning to wind down. She wrapped her arms around Ami, embracing her in a tight hug. Ami held stiff, refusing to expose her face.

"Oohhhh man!" Minako said in a high-pitched tone. "Oh man oh man!" She patted Ami on the back.

"Minako, reel it in a bit," Rei ordered sternly, hands on her hips. "Seriously, that's enough."

"Oh...okay! Okay!" Minako nodded, still grinning from ear-to-ear. "Okay, I'm...I'm cool now. Sooooo...Ami. What were ya 'researching' last night, huh?" She looked at Ami expectantly. Minako's grin suddenly vanished as her nostrils twitched a couple times. "Whoa!" She rocketed up to her feet, looking down at Ami in shock. "Holy crap!"

"What?!" Usagi asked, worriedly looking at Ami.

"She...she smells like she's been in an orgy with a soccer team!" Minako exclaimed. "Oh, whoa!" She recoiled back from Ami slightly.

"And...how do you know what that smells like?" Makoto dared to ask. "W-wait, don't...actually, don't answer that, please."

"Yeah, yeah..." Minako studied her intently, crossing her arms over her chest. "Oh yes. She tried to hide it underneath a long, hot shower and some perfume...but I can tell...something's up here!" She leaned in close to Ami. "Something is up!"

"What, Mina, are you...what are you saying?" Usagi asked, watching her two friends. "Did Ami...last night, did she..."

"No, no, no," Minako muttered. "If she did, I'd be able to tell...this one's still a virgin. But something happened last night...last night..."

Ami gave away nothing, pressing her face up to the paper pages of her book.

"Wait, wait...last night...oh my GOD!" She nearly jumped up to the ceiling. "The Masahiro party! Yeah, that was last night!" She leaned in next to Ami's face. "Oh my God, you were there! You went to the Masahiro party!"

Slowly, millimeter-by-millimeter, Ami brought the book downwards, finally exposing her face, which was revealed to have gone the color of a cooked lobster.

"Oh-HO!" Minako yelped. "This gets better and better by the minute!"

Ami dropped the book into her lap, letting it bounce to the floor. She wore the most frustrated of scowls.

"Soooo...so...so..." Minako leaned in close to Ami's face. "How did you get in? That's the question." She walked a little half-circle around Ami, not taking her eyes off of her. "Tanaka, maybe? Yeah, he's a swimmer. Maybe you got an invite through him?"

Ami blinked a couple times, fingers twitching at her sides.

"No...no...that's not it." Minako shook her finger towards Ami a couple times. "No. You're a high-roller, Ami! You don't show up for the undercard! You're all about the main event! You went straight to the top! You got into that party as the personal guest of Isao Masahiro himself!"

Slowly, Ami tilted her head up to look at Minako, focusing a flame-broiled glare right at the blonde's forehead.

"Ohoho!" Minako clapped her hands together violently, skipping around in a little circle. "You! No, you didn't!" She spun back around, wrapping her right arm around Ami's shoulders. "So, when's the wedding?!"

Ami appraised Minako with a look that was difficult to describe. It was like a look a serial killer would give to a person they had just decided would be their next victim.

"Well, no freaking _wonder_ you gave in!" Minako continued, letting Ami go and standing at her side. "Lot of carrots in that stew!" She continued to chuckle and giggle to herself. "The biggest man cave in town, and Ami went spelunking! Man, I am gonna _comb_ facebook later and pray that there's a picture of you there!"

"Huh, finally," Makoto said under her breath. "I'm finally starting to feel a little bad for Ami."

"Oh, I can just picture it now!" Minako said dramatically, putting her hand up in the air. "Ami Mizuno, deep in the heart of the Masahiro Manor, surrounded by the finest young men in all of Japan! And, right smack dab in the center of it all, the crown jewel of Juuban High himself!" She patted Ami on the shoulder faux-sympathetically. "Oh, yes, do I _ever_ understand your plight!" She put her hands together up underneath her chin and began speaking in a high-pitched, spot-on Ami imitation. _"Oh, oh, Isao Masahiro, you magnificent beast, just take me upstairs and ravage me! Make me feel like a woman, please!"_

Ami's hands were shaking now, balling into fists.

Minako cackled yet again. "And then, oh man, I can just picture it in my head, you must have just _sprinted_ home, loins all aquiver, lips all moist, just _throbbing_ with the purest, most intoxicating pull of lust!"

Now, Ami's entire body shook, rage threatening to consume her.

"I guess it doesn't really matter that I'm banned from your apartment now, huh?! Because the moment you slammed that bedroom door shut, you must have unleashed forty days and forty nights all up in there!" Minako giggled. "Oh boy, I'll bet you just _barely_ managed to get into your bedroom before the levy broke!"

Ami stepped forward, both of her hands lashing out violently, giving Minako a two-palmed shove right in the chest. Minako was knocked back a step, then fell back to the floor with a thud, sliding back a couple inches on her back. Ami, still frowning, and still a dark red, pointed at her chest.

"WELL, **YOU** WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN MADE IT HOME!" she growled in her lowest, most gravelly voice. With that single proclamation, she turned towards her other friends and made a beeline for the door, shoulders constricted tightly at her sides, arms stiffly swinging back and forth. Usagi quickly got out of her way, allowing her free passage out of the room. A few seconds later, she was out the door, shutting it behind her.

All the while, Minako remained laying on the carpet, chortling, looking for all the world like the happiest girl who had ever lived.

"Ohhhh man," Minako snickered. "Someone's jimmies are rustled."

"Literally and figuratively," Makoto added.

The room was just silent, save Minako's giggles, for a few seconds. Finally, Makoto turned around to look at the perfect-condition money note on the desk. "Well...anyway..."

Rei looked over at the money as well, then over to Makoto. "And then..."

Usagi popped up between the two girls. "There were three."

"Uh, two," Rei corrected, sternly pointing at Usagi. "You're disqualified."

"Nope," Usagi replied, smirking.

"Yes, you're out! You weren't honest to start!" Rei snapped.

"Well, you didn't ask about my sex habits, so tough titties!" Usagi said, a triumphant grin on her face. "Now, Rei, I know you're just now starting to realize you have no chance to beat me, but that doesn't give you the right to throw a tantrum about it."

Rei opened her mouth to reply, but quickly closed it. She squeezed her eyes closed in frustration, then popped them back open, glaring at Usagi. "Very well, Usagi. I guess I'll just beat you even with your cheating!" She leaned in closer to Usagi's face. "And when I do, everyone will know which one of us is the _truly_ disciplined one around here!"

"Good luck with that," Usagi said, reaching up to tap Rei on the cheek a couple times. She skipped past Rei, humming to herself as she made her way over to the table in the corner. Rei tracked her across the room, a fierce glare on her backside. "Nothing's gonna stop me from winning this thing."

"

1 week, 6 days, 17 hours, 15 minutes, 16 seconds...

"

"What's wrong with you man?" Motoki asked, face wrinkled slightly in concern as he looked at what appeared to be a very, very rattled Mamoru. The two friends were enjoying lunch between classes in the far corner of the cafeteria, the room sparsely populated, rush hour having not quite hit yet.

Mamoru glanced around nervously, face dripping with sweat. He leaned in closer to his friend, eyes wide and face twitching. "I think I'm losing it!"

"What happened?" Motoki asked. "Something the matter?"

Mamoru looked around again, then leaned in even closer. "It's these halter tops! I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't take this, I'm dying here!"

Motoki pursed his lips, reaching up to tap his fingers on the table surface for a few seconds. "What, is this your first summer here? Come on, this happens every year around this time, what's the big deal?"

"I know!" Mamoru said through gritted teeth. "It's...I...I don't know!" he moaned. "I'm going nuts! Didn't hear a word of lecture in either of my classes this morning, and my afternoon class is like eighty percent women!" He winced. "You know me, I don't...I don't get like this!" He stopped for a moment as a trio of students walked by, but leaned back right in close to Motoki as soon as they passed. "I'm harder than a priest at a playground! If this lasts much longer I'm gonna have to call a doctor!"

Motoki raised an eyebrow. "And...what do you want _me _to do about it?"

Mamoru scoffed. "Well, you asked what was wrong with me!"

"Okay, so, I guess the Wizard of Oz finally gave you a penis," Motoki said dryly.

"Hey!" Mamoru scowled. "I know what I like! I've always known what I like! But I've always been able to control myself...but this...something's happened to me!"

"Well, it's called...puberty. Nice to finally see you, we've been waiting ten years," Motoki replied.

Mamoru gave an exasperated sigh, glaring at his friend.

"Look, at the risk of stating the obvious, why don't you just...go home after school and...take care of it?" Motoki suggested.

"No, no, I tried that last night," Mamoru said under his breath. "This happened to me yesterday too, so I...did my thing last night, and it's just not getting it done! It's worse today!"

"Uh...by doing your thing...what are you talking about?" Motoki asked, picking a celery stick up from his tray and putting it in his mouth.

Mamoru's shoulders fell slightly. "You don't know? And in your world, I'm the one who just went through puberty?"

"No, look, it's...if you did the solo act, then what I'm saying is...maybe you need to upgrade to first class. Your days of jerking off in the shower are supposed to be over!"

Mamoru sat there silently, folding his arms together on the table, staring at Motoki.

Motoki sighed. "You do still have a girlfriend, right?"

"Oh, oh, no, that's not an option either." Mamoru waved his hand dismissively. "It's not sex night."

Motoki pursed his lips. "Sex night?"

"Yeah, sex night, it's not sex night. Me and Usako have sex once a month, I have it marked on my calendar and everything."

Motoki could only summon a flat stare at his friend at this.

"So...yeah, that's off the table—"

"Hey, buddy," Motoki said. "I'll check later, just to be sure, but I'm almost positive that there's no law concerning...sex night."

"Well, it's our thing, it's what we do. Sex once a month, it's our system," Mamoru explained.

"Well, maybe it's time to change the system," Motoki said. "Look, I know that there's the...age difference, and I respect your discretion, but...times are a'changing!" He leaned in towards him. "She's eighteen now, go a little nuts, you don't gotta be a gentleman all the time. Not that I know for sure, but based off what I know about Usagi...I don't think she's gonna mind if you up the dosage."

Mamoru blinked a few times, furtively staring down at the table in front of him, deep in thought. "But it's not sex night," he said lamely.

"Buddy, you've got a fiancee, _every_ night is sex night!" Motoki jumped up, standing up tall over his friend, hands on his hips. "Now come on, I don't like seeing you like this! You gotta bring the ruckus to that ass, tonight!"

"I don't know..." Mamoru mumbled. "That just doesn't seem right to me."

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I know she's adorable as hell. But she's not that fourteen-year-old junior high student who threw a test paper at you anymore!" Motoki shook his head. "That's a bona fide woman you're engaged to! So, if you're feeling it between the legs, the only solution is to run that ass into the ground!"

Mamoru grimaced. "I dunno if...I'm into...running asses in the ground, Motoki—"

"Running asses into the ground is what men do!" Motoki hooked his arm under Mamoru's armpit and hauled him into a standing position. "Since the beginning of time, that's how this works! Man runs that ass into the ground. Now look at me!" He pulled Mamoru's face close to his. "I don't wanna hear this whining tomorrow. You got a perfectly good girl a phone call away, you got nothing to complain about!"

Finally, Mamoru nodded. "Well...yeah, I guess...okay, I'll—"

"No no no, you gotta sound like you mean it!" Motoki insisted. "Mamoru, you've got an ass to run into the ground, you gotta be into it! Come on, you don't need to play the prude anymore! That is _your_ woman, you claim her the way men have claimed women for thousands of years!"

Mamoru put his hand up to his bottom lip. "Yeah...yeah...that's right!" He started to smile. "Yeah, I got this! Yeah!"

"Alright!" Motoki smacked his back a couple times. "You do whatever you gotta do to get through the day, head on home, and piledrive that ass into the ground until you hit the mantle!"

"

1 week, 6 days, 23 hours, 43 minutes, 56 seconds...

"

Usagi pushed the apartment door open, sauntering in, quickly removing her shoes as she scanned the main room. "Yo!" She took a few steps across the foyer and looked over the recently re-organized living room. "Yeah, it's like I said, Mamo-chan, that rug totally brings the room together—"

She glanced over to her left, down the hall, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight. Mamoru was leaning against one of the walls, arms crossed over his chest, wearing a smirk and a plaid tie.

And absolutely nothing else.

"Heeeeey," Mamoru said whimsically.

Usagi just stared in bewilderment, looking her fiancee up and down.

"And I disagree," Mamoru added, slowly approaching her. "Personally, I think the room needs a little something else. Like say, maybe...your clothes scattered all across the floor."

Usagi raised an eyebrow. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'll be feeling a lot better in about five minutes," Mamoru said suggestively.

"Uh...wow," Usagi said, glancing down at the floor next to her. "Did you get brainwashed again?"

"Okay," Mamoru said sternly, stopping right next to her and pulling the tie off of his neck. "I really don't have any patience right now, so I'll just get to the point." He leaned in close to her face, eyes wide. "I wanna fuck you."

Usagi recoiled slightly from him, taking a half-step back. "What?"

Mamoru gave a little sigh. "Do I need to write it down? I wanna have sex with you!" He put his hand on her shoulder. "In fact, I wish that sex had an alternative plural form so I could use it, to make it abundantly clear exactly how _much_ sex I wanna have with you! Got it?"

Usagi blinked a few times. "But it's not sex night—"

"And tonight's the night that we say, to hell with sex night!" Mamoru finished, grinning again. "A new era begins tonight, Usako! So, let's hit the bedroom, I've got six different flavors of edible lingerie for you to try on!"

Usagi's mouth fell open a couple inches, eyes going wide as she glanced out the window to her right. Mamoru just stood there, looking quite proud of himself.

"Errr..." Usagi stammered.

"Did I stutter or something?" Mamoru asked. "C'mon!"

"Look, Mamo-chan," Usagi said, looking back at her beloved. "I am...incredibly thrilled about this development, I really am...I've been waiting for it for awhile, honestly, and I truly can't wait to begin this...new era." She grimaced. "Buuuut...I actually can't help you right now." She quickly sidled past him. "Sorry, really, but it's not a good time. I should probably just...get out of here," she said uneasily, pointing at the front door over her shoulder with her thumb.

Mamoru took a moment to get his bearings back after Usagi dropped that one on him, but quickly shook it off as Usagi tried to back towards the door. "Usako!" he snapped. "Look, I love foreplay as much as the next guy, but I don't have time for this right now!"

"I-it's not foreplay, Mamo-chan," Usagi said. "S-sorry, but...it really is just bad timing."

Mamoru put his right hand up against his forehead. "I checked, you're not supposed to be on your...thing yet—"

"You can just say period," Usagi interrupted. "And no, that's not it, I'm...look, I'm...I'm in a contest right now."

Mamoru put his hands on his hips. "A contest," he repeated.

"Yeah, a contest."

Mamoru tapped his foot on the ground a couple times. "I don't get it."

"Uh...look, me and...me and the girls, we're having a contest to see who can go the longest without orgasm. We're two weeks in, and I'm running away with it, so...yeah, sorry, can't help." She shrugged, then turned to walk towards the front door.

Mamoru just stared at her backside for a moment, then shook his head and ran across the room, jumping in front of her just before she got to the door. "I'm sorry, I must have seriously misheard you, Usako, because I could have sworn you just said—"

"No, you heard right!" Usagi protested. "Me, Ami, Rei, Mako and Mina. Only three people left and I'm winning it, so...yeah, sorry—"

"This is what you girls do in your spare time?!" Mamoru exclaimed. "My God!"

"Look, I think I should just...leave, this is already pretty awkward." She tried to duck past Mamoru, but Mamoru simply put his hand up on the upper corner of his apartment door, holding it closed.

"Usako." He leaned in closer to her, scowling. "If this is a joke, I am _not_ laughing."

"It's not a joke, really, I'm...I'm in a contest, okay?" She pointed at the door. "Now please, just let me go and I'll...take a rain check for about two or three weeks from now—"

"Rain check? Do I look like a car wash to you?!" Mamoru grumbled. "Rain check? No, no, Usako, I..." he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "Usako. I _need_ sex. Now. Like, really."

Usagi sighed. "Well, I'm real sorry, just go...jerk off in the shower," she said, sweeping past him and grabbing the knob and twisting it, trying to pull it open.

"My days of jerking off in the shower are over!" Mamoru protested, holding the door shut. "Come on, who cares about a stupid contest?! You get to have sex! Isn't that better?"

"We will have sex!" Usagi said, reaching up and slapping at Mamoru's hand. Reluctantly, reasoning that he could not be justified in holding her prisoner, he dropped his hand back to his side. She cracked the door open and turned back to him. "We'll have as much sex as you want in a few weeks after I've won!"

"I don't have a few weeks!" Mamoru whined. "Usako, I'm a man! I have needs!"

Usagi sighed. "Look, I...okay, compromise." She held her right hand up towards Mamoru. "Handjob?"

Mamoru scowled. "No! I'm better at them than you anyway!"

"Then we've got nothing to discuss," Usagi said, slipping through the open doorway, turning around to look back up at her fiancee. "Look, believe me, I really really hope you've still got this positive attitude in a few weeks here, nothing would make me happier, so...just try to hold onto those thoughts. And in the meantime...old people and baseball."

She slammed the door shut with a dulled thud, leaving a truly confused and irritated, not to mention naked, Mamoru standing there, hands on his hips.

"What the hell?!" he snapped, to himself more than anything.

"

2 weeks, 0 days, 21 hours, 59 minutes, 07 seconds...

"

"I just think that 'Rice and Beans' implies some degree of balance." Usagi picked through the plate of food in front of her. "I mean, this is like...you should put the 'Rice' in giant bold text and 'Beans' in fine print. I dunno, this is totally askew, the ratio is way off."

"Well, the rice is supposed to be the actual dish," Ami said, looking over at Usagi's plate. "The beans are flavoring."

"No, that's not right," Usagi said quietly, scooping up a forkful of the food. "I didn't order rice and rice and rice and rice and beans. Obviously you want more rice, but...this is like 'Rice and Bean'." She shrugged.

Minako picked up her plastic water cup, a small grin on her face. The three friends were seated in front of a cafe, around a small circular table with an umbrella blooming from the center, enjoying the outdoor seating amidst the beautiful afternoon, waiting for Makoto to show up so they could make the block-long trek over to the Hiwaka Shrine.

Minako brought the almost-full cup of water out to her right side, then tipped it over slightly. A tiny stream of water began to pour down to the concrete pavement below, quickly being swept into the tiny sewer grate right beneath her seat.

"What are you doing?" Usagi asked. Ami, however, quickly reached down into the bag by her side and pulled a book out, opening it and burying herself in it, wearing a scowl.

Minako continued to slowly spill the water down into the sewer. "Pouring out a forty to remember the recently deceased."

"Wait, who died?" Usagi asked, leaning over the table to look at the water flow. Ami gave a small groan from the book.

"Oh, we've had quite a few unfortunate accidents lately," Minako said wryly, looking at Ami out of the corner of her eyes. "Let's see here...the body count includes, but is not limited to...Ami Mizuno's self-righteousness, Ami Mizuno's dignity, Ami Mizuno's self-image..."

Ami growled, lips curling down even further.

Usagi couldn't help but let out a little chuckle, looking over at Ami. After a second, however, she looked over at Minako. "C'mon, Mina, that's enough."

"No no no, respect for the dead is what separates us from the animals," Minako replied, slowly letting the final drips of water slip from the small container. Ami closed her eyes, reaching up with her right hand to rub the bridge of her nose.

"Where's Mako anyway?" Usagi turned to look down the sidewalk. "Should we just go to the shrine?"

"Give her another minute," Minako suggested.

"

_Twenty Minutes Prior..._

"

"Yeah, that's basically the long and short of it," Makoto finished, bringing the small teacup up to her lips. It looked even more comical in her massive hands. "Pretty intense stuff, high stakes, the whole nine yards."

On the other side of the small, luxury patio table, a towering, bronze-skinned woman sat, elbows on the armrests of the chair, face pulled taunt to express a combination of disgust and confusion. Setsuna, the mysterious elder of the senshi, master of time and possessing an ageless elegance that even this subject matter couldn't quite take away.

"So, you get me?" Makoto asked, setting the tea cup down with a slightly shaking hand.

"...I have...no idea what possessed you to think that I would have any interest in hearing about this," Setsuna said uncomfortably, glancing to her right, back into the large mansion that she called home.

"W-well, I actually was hoping to get your help," Makoto said, voice a little strained, smile clearly forced. "It's getting really, really intense, and...I don't think I can take it much longer. So anyway, last night, I was thinking about how long I've gone without an orgasm, and then it hit me...y'know, time! That's why I'm here. Basically, what I need is for you to...uh...basically create a little...time bubble. Size of a soccer ball, easy stuff. Freeze the passage of time inside this bubble, and just put it..." she gestured down towards her crotch, "y'know...down around the butter boat."

Setsuna just sat there, stock-still, blinking every few seconds, staring at Makoto.

"I mean, not that I'm an expert, but...I really think it would work." Makoto nodded enthusiastically. "At least worth a try, right?"

"

"Come on, it's one tiny time bubble!" Makoto protested as Setsuna gripped her right forearm, pushing her through the living room, back towards the front door. "You could do it in your sleep!" Haruka and Michiru watched the pair silently from the living room couch.

"Kindly leave my house," Setsuna instructed, voice still flat and calm, betraying nothing.

"Setsuna, please!" Makoto pleaded. "You have to help me out here!"

"I really don't have to," Setsuna replied, continuing to lightly push her along towards the door.

"Okay, okay, listen," Makoto said, as she was forcibly pushed onto the foyer. "How about you create two time bubbles in which time is sped up, and then place those in...two certain, strategic locations? Better?"

"Go do your homework, please," Setsuna said, voice weary, releasing Makoto as the two came close to the door.

"Oh come on!" Makoto whined, Setuna opening the door in a single motion and beckoning her to leave. "You owe me!"

"No, I do not," Setsuna countered simply.

Makoto growled, but stomped outside nonetheless. "You'd do it for Usagi or Ami if they asked you!" she grumbled.

Setsuna shut the door behind Makoto, standing there for a moment, hand on the knob. Slowly, she shook her head.

Haruka looked up from the couch, glancing out the window as Makoto marched down the stone path, back out to the sidewalk. "What were they doing? A...masturbation contest?"

"Yeah," Michiru replied. "We need the forces of evil to attack again, those girls clearly have far too much free time."

Setsuna slowly walked back to the living room, remaining silent, crossing to the single-seat chair to the right of the couch and settling back down. She picked up a small book from the end table and opened it up in her lap.

"A masturbation contest..." Haruka mused to herself. "That sounds like fun!"

"What's a masturbation contest?"

Both Haruka and Michiru jumped at the sound of the meek-sounding voice, quickly spinning around, both going wide-eyed at the sight of Hotaru sitting by the steps near the opposite hallway, holding a large doll in her arms.

"Uhh, uh..." Haruka stammered. "H-how long have you been sitting there?"

"Awhile," Hotaru answered nonchalantly.

Michiru jumped to her feet and quickly scampered around the couch, briskly walking over to Hotaru. "Why don't you, uh, go play upstairs?" She moved her hands in a sweeping motion.

"Okay," Hotaru agreed, standing up and making her way up the wooden planks. "But what's a masturbation contest?"

"It's...it's a contest to see...who can eat the most ice cream!" Haruka said frantically as Michiru herded Hotaru upstairs. As soon as Hotaru was out of side, Haruka grimaced. "Oh, fuck me."

"Ice cream?" Michiru repeated, spinning around and walking back over to the couch.

"Sorry, I panicked!" Haruka said, averting her eyes and spinning back around on the couch.

"Now we won't be able to have ice cream around here until she turns eighteen," Michiru groaned.

"Eighteen?" Haruka repeated. "What is this, a nunnery?"

Michiru just rolled her eyes and plopped back down on the couch next to Haruka. "Also, I...don't think that the...masturbation contest is what you're thinking it is."

"Oh." Haruka bit her lower lip. "Well, what else could it be?"

"I think it was...the _opposite_ of that," Michiru stated, crossing her right leg up on her left knee. "Like a...no-masturbation contest."

"Huh." Haruka squinted. "That sounds like the...opposite of fun."

Setsuna turned a page in her book, the only sound marking the silence of the next few seconds.

"Well...guess it might be interesting," Haruka admitted to herself. "Hey Michiru, wanna have a no-masturbation contest?"

"No," Michiru replied, grabbing a magazine from the armrest of the couch and opening it in front of her.

Haruka stared at her partner for a few seconds, then looked over at Setsuna. "Setsuna—"

"No."

Haruka pursed her lips, reaching her arm back to rest against the backrest of the couch. "Huh. Then I guess I win."

"Good for you," Setsuna said, voice low and clipped.

Haruka gave a tiny smile. "Cool." She got to her feet. "I'm gonna go celebrate by masturbating."

"You do that," Setsuna replied, flipping to the next page in her book.

"

2 weeks, 0 days, 22 hours, 12 minutes, 46 seconds...

"

"Where were you anyway?" Usagi asked, the four girls walking down the sidewalk. Makoto, the new addition to the group, was holding a stress ball in either hand, aggressively squeezing them violently as she walked with her friends.

"Why, are you taking a survey?!" Makoto snapped, one of the stress balls popping in her fist. "Ugh! Cheap American-made crap!" She threw the remains of the ball into the street.

"Sorry I asked," Usagi grumbled as the four walked up the steps to the holy shrine. As they went upwards, however, a cacophonic stream of yelling became evident. As they moved closer, getting to the top of the steps, they could make it out.

"—should just take you to the fucking zoo and trade you in for a chimpanzee, nobody would ever notice the difference, and at least then I'd expect it when the chimpanzee fucks up everything I ask him to do!"

"Oh, no," Minako muttered, eyes levelling towards the main structure of the shrine. "I know that tone."

Usagi, Minako and Ami took off into a jog towards the building, Makoto considerably less interested in the proceedings and hanging back, maintaining her pace.

"Look at you, you're fucking pathetic, you stupid piece of shit! You call yourself a man, you're the sorriest excuse for a man I've ever seen in my god damn life! The best part of you slid down the crack of your mother's asshole and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!"

The three girls screeched through the front entrance of the temple and made their way through the wooden halls, coming to a halt when they came to the hall in front of Rei's bedroom. Sure enough, Rei was standing there, giving her trademark scowl and targetting her wrath at a well-used target. Yuuchirou stood right in front of her, body stiff as a board and eyes wide as saucers, looking for all the world like an army recruit being berated by a drill sergeant.

"I am disgusted to be part of the same species as you! You're a cock. sucker. mother. fucker!" Rei continued. "Go make yourself useful and throw yourself into the sacred fire!"

With that, she spun around on her heel and stepped back into her room, slamming the sliding door shut violently behind her. Yuuchirou just stood there, body starting to shake slightly as soon as Rei had left his sight.

"Ooooooh," Usagi said under her breath. Quietly, she made her way down the hall. "Hey...buddy, Yuuchirou, so...that was awful, but...well, she doesn't mean it." She went up to his side and patted his back gently. He still hadn't moved, facial expression still frozen in a mask of sheer terror.

"Yeah, hang in there," Minako said sympathetically. "She's not mad at you, she's mad at...well, she'd kill me if I told you, but...trust me, she's not mad at you—"

"That was the most unpleasant experience of my life," Yuuchirou said, voice soulless and flat, slowly turning down the hall the girls had just come from, shuffling off. "I feel nauseous." Dejected and miserable, he stiffly walked away, head hanging.

Ami sighed. "Usagi, could you maybe—"

"Yeah yeah, I'll go talk him off the ledge," Usagi said, following him down the hall and falling into stride by his side. "Hey, come on, you know she'd never actually mean any of that, it's okay..."

"Thank you," Ami called out to Usagi's back. Mina pulled the bedroom door open, revealing Rei sitting on the floor by her bed, holding a large icepack on her crotch. She was panting, face covered in sweat and beet red, legs twitching.

"So." Ami stepped into the room, crossing her arms over her chest. "Proud of yourself?"

"Shut up!" Rei hissed through gritted teeth, pressing the ice into her crotch. "This isn't your business!"

Minako closed the door behind her as she stepped in. "What the hell did he do?"

Rei stood up. "That...you...that...he cleaned the windchimes and...stupid fuckhead got the spacing wrong when he re-hung them!" she spat. "The spacing was all messed up, the shrine looked like a goddamn funhouse, and...I swear, he does that shit just to...to piss me off!" she lurched across the room, every step an effort for her. "He does it just to get on my nerves, I just know it, I...I..."

Ami pursed her lips. "Do you have _any _idea how big your apology is going to have to be, Rei?"

"Yeah, I know!" Rei yelled, sitting down at her desk chair, squeezing the ice bag between her legs tightly. "I'll deal with it after I win this contest!"

"No, Rei, now!" Ami insisted.

"I'm not apologizing to anyone for anything right now, I'll do it later!" Rei re-iterated, leaning back against her chair heavily and trying to settle herself.

"Yuuchirou is not a computer that you can stick in the garage for a month before you fix it!" Ami protested. "There might not _be_ a later, he might leave!"

"I said, I will deal with it later!" Rei grunted, reaching underneath the chair and grabbing the lever, lowering the chair towards the floor.

"And on a related note, Rei," Ami continued, looking at the blue bag on Rei's privates. "If you can't handle being in the contest, you need to get out of it."

"That's not your concern!" Rei growled, pushing her sweaty hair out from her face. "I'm perfectly capable of handling being in this contest!"

"You are _literally_ holding a bag of ice on your crotch!" Ami pointed out, indicating the pack. "You can't just go around treating people like this!"

"For the last time. I will deal with it _later_!" Rei frowned deeply, smacking her fist down on her desk.

"That's not how this works!" Ami insisted. "It's not fair to the people around you, it's very inconsiderate!"

"No, _you're_ inconsiderate!" Rei countered. "I'm not dropping out of the contest, so stop bitching about it already!"

"You people are weird," Minako muttered, sitting down on the floor and stretching out. "That five grand I paid to get out was the best five grand I ever spent in my life. Guess how many times I did it yesterday?"

Ami sighed. "Rei, I will _pay_ you five thousand yen to drop out of the contest!" She took her purse off of her shoulder and held it out towards Rei. "Literally, right here, right now, I will give you five thousand yen!"

"I don't give a shit about the money," Rei growled, standing up.

"No seriously, take a guess how many times I—"

"SHUT UP!" Rei screeched, turning to look at Minako's now prone figure.

Ami stared at Rei for a couple seconds. "Then why is this just the most important thing in the world, exactly?"

Rei cleared her throat, slowly approaching Ami. "Okay. Look. I get it. Usagi gets to have the perfect husband, gets to be Queen of the Earth, gets to be the most powerful being in the galaxy...fine, fine! That's all dandy! And I have to abandon all my hopes and dreams to serve by her side as a guardian, yeah, sure! I accept that! Fine! More than happy! She wins, I get it!" She got right up close to Ami, leaning in close to her face. "But...this? This right here? This is _mine_! This is my domain, and I am not letting her take _this_ from me! Discipline is my corner! And whatever I have to do, whatever it takes, I am not losing a battle of willpower and discipline to Usagi! I will not live with that shame for the rest of my life!"

Ami stared at her, mouth dropping open slightly in disbelief. "T-that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! None of us are even going to remember we had this stupid contest in three months, so—"

"I don't care if I have to chop my hands off," Rei interrupted, speaking through gritted teeth. "I don't care if I have to self-induce a coma. I don't care what it takes!" Her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "I am _not_ losing to Usagi."

"Rei, you sound like a crazy person," Ami insisted. "This contest doesn't matter at all, if you don't care about the money, you really need to just do what you need to do so you can act like a normal human being! Besides...you're clearly going to lose to her no matter what you do, so you may as well get it over with—"

Rei reached forward, grabbing Ami by the collar, and yanked her close. "One more time, Ami. I will say it just one more time."

She looked deep into Ami's eyes.

"I—"

She pulled Ami a fraction of an inch closer, their noses practically touching now.

"—am _not_—"

Now, their noses were actually pressing up against each other, Ami frantically trying to avert her eyes, slightly scared of what she saw in Rei's.

"—losing—"

Their faces were sandwiched right up against each others now, foreheads tightly pushed together.

"—to Usagi."

Rei released Ami, letting her quickly back off as the door slid back open to admit Usagi. "Alright, I talked to him, I think he'll live..." she didn't sound especially sure of herself.

"Where'd Mako go?" Mina asked, looking up and surveying the room.

Amid the sudden silence, the group was able to make out a hacking cough from outside the bedroom, on the other side of the wall. The group looked over and saw a shadow being cast against the paper wall, in the rough shape of a human.

Usagi's nose twitched a couple times. "W-wait a minute..."

"Oh, for the love of..." Ami spun around and sprinted through the door, followed quickly by Usagi, Rei, and Minako, the foursome racing down the hall and out into the backyard court area. Ami was out first, and froze in horror at what she saw.

Makoto stood there, a few dozen steps from the back entrance to the shrine, back turned to her friends, holding a lit cigarette up to her mouth and inhaling deeply.

"Mako!" Ami yelped, putting her hands up by the sides of her head. "What are you doing?!"

The other girls stopped beside Ami, looking over at their friend, who was exhaling out the polluted smoke, all the while sounding as if she was coughing up a lung.

"Writing a broadway musical, what does it look like I'm doing?!" Makoto snapped as soon as her hacking cough had passed. She flicked some little chars off the tip of her cigarette, then brought it back up to her mouth.

"Oh my _God_," Usagi said, mouth wide open in shock as Makoto took a long drag from the little tobacco stick.

"Takes the edge off," Makoto said throatily, again trying to smoothly bring the smoke into her lungs and push it back out, but again succeeding only in irritating her throat and throwing her into a whooping cough. "Helps me relax. Gotta have it!"

"Where the hell did you get cigarettes?" Minako asked, Ami quickly making her way across the yard over to Makoto, a look of determination on her face.

Makoto pulled a worn cigarette carton from her front pocket. "Found it in a dumpster behind my apartment building," she explained, voice ratty and scratchy.

"Okay, Mako, this isn't a request," Ami said sternly, holding her right hand up and beckoning towards the carton. "Hand that over, and—"

Makoto shoved it back in her pocket, scowling back at Ami. "From my cold, dead hand, bitch," she grunted.

Ami held her hand out towards her. "Mako. Now."

"Are you prepared to kill me?" Makoto put the cigarette back up to her mouth. "Because that's what it's gonna take." As she went into yet another round of coughing, Ami smacked herself in the eyes and slowly shook her head back and forth helplessly.

"

2 weeks, 4 days, 0 hours, 20 minutes, 21 seconds...

"

"Usako, this isn't funny!" Mamoru hissed, hunching over, right hand on his kitchen counter, glaring over at his girlfriend.

"I never intended it to be funny," Usako protested, sitting on the barstool behind the kitchen counter. "Come on, it's gonna be a few more days at most, you should see Makoto and Rei these days."

"Usako." Mamoru slowly moved around the counterspace. "I'm worried for my _health_!"

"Don't be a big baby," Usagi chided. "Now, are we gonna have dinner or not?"

Mamoru sighed. "Usako, I...really answer me here, what is such a big deal about a contest with your friends?!"

"It's a thing we're doing, what do you mean?" Usagi raised an eyebrow. "Like, whoever wins gets...bragging rights, it's pride, don't tell me you don't understand that!"

"Who gives a rip about pride?!" Mamoru protested. "Come on, don't you like having sex?"

"Yes, very much so," Usagi said. "And there_ is_ actually a money element here, it's a money bet too."

Mamoru's shoulders dropped slightly. "Money?"

"Yeah, we made it a money bet. We each put in five thousand yen, winner takes it all, so...there's that too." She shrugged. "Y'know...mad cheddar."

Mamoru rolled his eyes, reaching down towards his front left pocket and pulling out his wallet. "Okay, look!" He pulled the leather pouch open and removed a five thousand yen bill, holding it out towards her. "Here is five thousand yen, I will _give_ it to you if you have sex with me!"

Usagi stared at the bill for several seconds, Mamoru just holding it up in front of her. Finally, Mamoru's expression softened, and he brought the bill back to his side.

"Oh my _God_, I am _so_ sorry," Mamoru said, sounding slightly fearful.

"Yeah, you better be," Usagi replied, giving Mamoru a judgemental look.

"I wasn't thinking, I—"

"Gonna have to do a lot better than that," Usagi added, looking down at the single bill in his hands.

"I...wait, what?" Mamoru looked down at his wallet. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you're gonna buy me off, buy me off," Usagi said. "It's not just about what I put it, it's about what I'm getting out. Like I said, winner takes it all."

Mamoru looked down at the bill in his one hand and wallet in the other, mentally debating the morality of the decision he was contemplating.

It didn't take long.

He threw the bill down on the counter in front of Usagi, then re-opened his wallet and pulled out three thousand yen bills, casting them down next to her as well. "Eight thousand."

"Puh," Usagi said, rolling her eyes. "Just because I barely get by in math doesn't mean I don't understand negotiation leverage, sweetie-pie. You're gonna need to go all the way if you want me to go all the way."

"I am _not_ paying you twenty five grand for sex!" Mamoru said indignantly. "Come on, that buys you out of this contest _and_ pays for two afternoons at the arcade! Plus, again, you get to have sex!"

"Please, darling, you're good, but you're not _that_ good," Usagi said dismissively. "Twenty thousand, and only because I love you."

Mamoru frowned at her passive little dig, but quickly re-focused on his objective. "Okay...I understand your position, so...against my better judgement...I can make it ten." He threw two more thousand yen bills down. "Come on, that's five figures!"

Usagi looked down at the pile of bills on the counter in front of her, contemplating it, then giving Mamoru an appraising look. He leaned up close to her, eyes wide and pleading.

"Usako. Don't make me beg," Mamoru said, sounding desperate.

After a few more seconds, Usagi slammed her palm down on the counter. "Deal!"

Instantly, Usagi was swept off of the barstool, taken into Mamoru's strong arms. She gave a little shriek as Mamoru turned around and raced toward the hallway behind them, Mamoru frantically unbuttoning his shirt with one hand as he made off with her.

"

2 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 51 minutes, 30 seconds...

"

Rei tossed and turned atop her bed, modified to suit her desperate needs. She had rounded up everything she could find in the house that could be used as an icepack and had filled them all, laying them beneath her atop the sheets, keeping her entire body cold. Even with this, comfort eluded her, as she frantically tried every single sleep position she could think of.

"

Makoto grabbed the edge of her bed blanket and absentmindedly tore a large rip in it, pulling the thin sheet in two all the way down it's length. As soon as the blanket had been separated into two roughly equal pieces, she took one of them and began shredding it with her strong fingers, tossing slivers and chunks of cloth and fabric left and right, reducing her blanket to ribbons.

"

"And I thought...it was good before..." Usagi panted, laying flat on the right side of Mamoru's bed, looking up at the ceiling, huffing and puffing. Mamoru gave a satisfied moan from the other side of the bed, stretching his back out.

"Oh yeah," he muttered. "Ooohhhh yeah."

The couple looked at each other, exchanging a short silence.

"Again?" Mamoru asked.

"Again!" Usagi said excitedly, allowing Mamoru to climb back on top of her.


	5. Queen of the Castle

Chapter 05: Queen of the Castle

"

2 weeks, 4 days, 21 hours, 8 minutes, 21 seconds...

"

"I'm thinking about writing a novel," Minako said casually, laying back on the floor in Rei's bedroom by the study table, looking up at the plain white ceiling, right ankle resting on her left knee. It was only her and Ami in the room, Ami sitting cross-legged on the floor at the table, examining an open book in front of her while writing on a notepad to her right.

Ami did her very best to completely ignore her, pencil scritching across the paper pad.

"Yeah, a romance novel. It's gonna be about this female, straight-A high school student who pretends to be immune to sexual desire, but then begins a torrid secret love affair with the hunkiest guy in school, the son of a show-business star."

Ami's eye twitched, and her handwriting received a rare hiccup as she brought her pencil tip down a few centimeters more than needed, but quickly recovered.

"The girl's name is gonna be Jamie," Minako added, glancing down towards Ami without picking her head up. "And she's gonna keep a vibrator in a locked drawer under her computer desk, the key to which is hidden in a poetry book on her bookshelf."

_Crack!_

The top portion of Ami's pencil toppled over, having been snapped off, leaving only a small stub in Ami's fingers. Ami's face went dark red, unable to suppress her reflexive reaction, looking over at Minako. She looked positively murderous, fingers clenching around what was left of her pencil in a tight fist, the corners of her mouth twitching as she fought to find the best response.

Minako gave a naughty little snicker as Ami frantically reached into her bookbag to pull out a new pencil.

"I'm gonna call it 'Fifty Shades of Blue'—"

"OKAY! Okay!" Ami shouted, putting her palms down on the table and looking over at Minako. "I surrender! I give!"

Minako put her hands up behind her head, returning her gaze to the ceiling.

Ami sighed dramatically, then forced a pained smile on her face, eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Alright, Mina, I...I think I understand what's going on here, and...you know, I'm not even mad." She gave a small nod. "In fact, I...I respect the strategy, honestly." Ami forced her eyes open, looking down at her friend with what she hoped was a warm gaze. "Alright, Mina, you win. If you promise to stop making fun of me about this...whole Isao and contest business, I will speak to my mother, and get her to lift your apartment ban—"

"Not even close to being worth it," Minako snickered.

Ami's faked smile immediately fell from her face, and after giving a frustrated groan, she slumped forward onto the study table, upper body splayed on top of her studying materials.

The bedroom door was flung open violently, Rei marching in with a small wooden plank in her hands, supporting two food items. She quickly made her way over to the table and threw the platter down next to Minako. She gave an over-exaggerated bow in Minako's direction. "Anything else, your majesty?!"

Minako gave a mildly glum look at the wooden platter. The large serving tray supported a loaf of sandwich bread, sealed inside a clear plastic bag, and a sack of chocolate chips. "Uh...maybe a little effort?"

"What, you have a problem with the way I choose to feed my guests?!" Rei snapped. "That's what I have, that's what you'll eat!"

Minako sat up, grabbing the neck of the bread bag. "I mean, I get it, sometimes the fridge is a little light, but...the least you could do is take the bread out of the bag so it looks better." She lifted the bag up off the platter, eyes widening in mild shock. "Oh my God," she muttered, getting to her feet in a smooth motion, standing up next to Rei.

"What?!" Rei hissed, Minako standing at her side and holding the bread bag up in her right hand.

"This...this weighs like five pounds!" Minako said, placing the bag into her left palm to feel the weight. "W-what is this? Rei, you eat this? You put this in your body?"

Rei snatched the bag from Minako's hand. "Yeah, it's good bread, it has no yeast in it!" She ripped the tie off the bag and reached her hand down into the mouth, roughly grabbing a handful of bread slices.

"Uh, pretty sure yeast is a key ingredient in—" Minako started, only to be cut off as Rei shoved the ball of food into her face.

"Try some, it's good for you, God knows someone needs to start thinking about your eating habits!" Rei said, shaking the clump at Minako.

"Uh, not really that hungry, actually, I'll—"

Rei tackled Minako to the floor, spilling the sack of chocolate chips to the floor as she did. She placed her left hand on Minako's right shoulder to keep her pinned, raising her bread-filled right hand up in the air and emphatically shoving it down towards Minako's mouth. Minako quickly sealed her lips shut, leaving Rei futilely pressing the bread down into her face.

"YOU'RE GONNA EAT THIS FUCKIN BREAD!" Rei roared, reaching her left hand up and grabbing Minako's mouth, trying to pull her lower jaw down to admit the food. Minako wrapped both of her hands around Rei's right wrist, attempting to lift the appendage off her mouth.

After a few seconds, Minako was able to jerk Rei's arm off to the right. Rei responded by forcing her left hand's fingers into Minako's mouth and attempting to force it open. Before Rei was able to leverage this small opening into a target for bread-shoving, she was suddenly pushed from her perch atop Minako, unceremoniously hitting the floor at Minako's side, looking up to see Ami standing above the two of them.

"Rei," Ami said sternly, placing her hands on her hips. "I've had enough of this."

"Oh, you wanna go?!" Rei launched herself up to her feet and quickly got up into Ami's grill, using her couple extra inches of height well. Ami quickly flinched back as Rei scowled down at her. "You wanna go, bitch?!"

Ami glanced away, shrinking back slightly. "Uh, I-I think maybe you...misinterpreted me there," she said nervously. "I—"

The bedroom door slid open, relieving Ami of the responsibility of talking her way out of danger. Usagi skipped in, humming to herself, a content smile on her face. Suddenly, Ami and Minako were the last thing on Rei's mind.

For a moment, Rei contemplated launching herself across the room and tackling Usagi into the wall for having the nerve to hum in her bedroom. But her train of thought was violently derailed as Usagi went over to the corner of Rei's computer desk, pulled her purse off of her shoulder, and reached inside of it.

Rei's eyes widened slightly and she stood up straight, mouth slightly open as Usagi, after a moment of searching, pulled a series of ruffled bills from the bag and set them down on the surface. Still smiling and still humming, Usagi obliviously dropped her purse to the floor by the desk and skipped over to the study table.

Rei dashed over to the desk, staring down at the quintet of yen notes. She bent in closely to them, examining them. She turned to look at Usagi, who seemed quite ignorant of the fact that all three girls in the room were regarding her as if she was an alien. The blonde sat down at the table, finally looking up.

"Hey, girls," she said casually. "Something on my face?"

The south-facing wall suddenly tore open, several rice paper panels and thin wooden beams making way for a tall brunette, who had apparently decided doors weren't good enough a method for providing access from the outdoors to the indoors. Rei didn't even react to this, still giving every bit of her attention to Usagi.

Makoto saw Rei out of the corner of her eye, just enough to draw her attention to the contents of the desk. Her scowl quickly melted as she realized what was sitting there, the logical conclusion coming to her as she saw Rei staring dumbfoundedly at Usagi. The pain in her loins momentarily forgotten, Makoto waited whatever other shoe would be dropping.

Minako and Ami also fixated their attentions on her, waiting for her to explain herself.

"Usagi." Rei pointed her right hand's index finger over at her friend. "If you're trying to jerk me around, I'm gonna give you one..._one_ chance. Right now. To come clean. And if you...you don't take it, so help me God—"

"What are you talking about?" Usagi asked, looking over at Rei. She gestured over at the small pile of money. "Does that not speak for itself?"

Makoto slowly walked over behind Usagi, towering over the sitting girl, eyes still wide in mild shock. "Usagi, are you...really?"

"Do I have to draw a picture?" Usagi asked. "I'm out. The bet was five grand, right?"

"U-uh...out of the...the contest?" Rei babbled, slowly coming over from the desk as well. "The masturbation contest?"

Usagi fought to not roll her eyes. "Yes! Are we doing any other contests right now that I forgot about—"

"SPILL!" Minako suddenly leapt across the table and over to Usagi, grabbing her shirt collar and pulling her close to her face. "SPILL IT! Something juicy happened last night, I can feel it!"

Usagi quickly scrambled backwards, away from Minako, then stood up. "Gosh, you people—" she accidentally backed into Makoto, harmlessly bouncing off of her sizable chest and nearly falling over. "What do you think happened last night, I had sex!"

"Oh my GOD, it finally happened, she's cheating on him!" Minako gasped.

"W-what—"

Minako put her hands up toward Usagi, palms out. "N-now, Usagi, don't get me wrong, while I strongly disapprove, your secret is safe with me! I mean, he brought it on himself anyway with these ridiculous sex rules."

Usagi shook her head emphatically. "N-no, Mina, I—"

"_However_, I know from experience we have a blabbermouth here, soooo..." Minako twisted her body around to the right, placing herself on top of Ami's notebook, staring directly at her blue-haired companion. "Ami, keep your trap shut on this one, or there _will_ be consequences!"

Ami gave Minako a deadpan stare in reply, but was spared a verbal response by Usagi.

"Mina! I didn't cheat on Mamoru last night!" Usagi snapped, frowning.

"Uh...what happened to once a month?" Makoto asked, raising an eyebrow at Usagi.

"Good question," Usagi conceded. "Something happened...not gonna question it though. Just gonna enjoy it."

Rei continued to stare at Usagi as if a second head had just sprouted from her neck. "But...but...I don't get it," she said dully.

"What don't you get?" Usagi asked. "What's not to get?"

"You...I mean, it...it _kills_ me to say it, but...you were winning." Rei stood at Usagi's side. "You...you could have won. And you...yeah, you...you could have won."

Usagi looked back over at Rei with a mildly vacant look. "So?"

"I...you...you could have won," Rei repeated, mystified. "He just asked for...for sex and you just...said okay?"

"Well...I mean, don't get me wrong, it wasn't quite that simple," Usagi admitted. "I was...compensated."

"Wait." Makoto put her right palm out towards Usagi. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Compensated, what...how do you mean?"

"Yeah, he gave me ten thousand yen, so...all good, y'know?" Usagi nervously glanced back and forth between Makoto and Rei, who still seemed to be quite fascinated with her revelation.

It took several seconds of silence, that might almost have one believe the conversation was over, for Rei to speak up. "Usagi. Say that again."

"He...Mamo-chan gave me ten thousan yen," Usagi said, shrugging. "And then we had sex."

After a beat, a small smile broke out on Rei's face. "So...he gave you money...and you...you had sex with him."

"...yes," Usagi said slowly, giving Rei a curious look. "Yes, that's what happened."

"So, there was an exchange, in which he provided you money, and you in turn provided a service of a sexual nature," Makoto said, starting to crack a little grin herself for the first time in many days.

"Uh, yeah!" Usagi's face wrinkled slightly in agitation. "What's up with you people today?"

"Usagi." Minako jumped up from her prone position on the table, eyes wide. "So he...he paid you...to have sex with him? That's what you're saying?"

"Yes! Yes, that's what I'm saying!" Usagi said exasperatedly. "He paid me to have sex with him, I...I..." Slowly, the revelation dawned on her, her thought process defined clearly by her irritation melting away. "Oh."

"Yeah," Rei said, giving Usagi a knowing look made possible by the temporary relief of pain in her crotch. "Yeah."

"I know your grades aren't great, Usagi, but...you're not even out of your teens yet," Makoto chuckled, reaching up to pat her on the shoulder. "Jumping the gun just a bit on the hooker career."

Usagi gave her head a quick shake. "No, no, no, it wasn't like...like that!" she insisted. "He...he didn't pay me for sex, he paid me to...to compensate me for my lost entry fee to the contest, which freed me to have sex with him! Completely different, I'm not a hooker!"

"Ah." Rei nodded. "Right. So that was the first five thousand yen. Only the _second_ five thousand was for sex!"

"Which makes you a _cheap_ hooker," Makoto added. "I guess Mamoru gets some sort of frequent customer discount?"

"Ha. Ha." Usagi pushed Makoto's hand off of her shoulder. "We came to an agreement that both of us were happy with, that's all that happened."

"Uh-huh." Rei reached over, wrapping her arm around Usagi's shoulders and pulling her closer, giving her a very wry grin. "Well. You, my friend, have crossed the line that divides woman and prostitute." She nodded knowingly. "You are now...a prostitute."

"Yeah, well, this prostitute just got paid ten grand to have sex, so nyeh," Usagi said, sticking her tongue out at Rei and sitting back down on the floor.

Minako frowned, sitting back down at Usagi's side. "You got paid _and_ got to have sex? God, what am I _doing _with my life?"

"Five thousand for one screw...don't worry Usagi," Makoto continued to jeer. "You'll be able to charge more as you get better, things will pick up."

Usagi rolled her eyes. "You people really need to get laid...and also, it wasn't one screw, just for your information." She looked up at Makoto.

"W-what?" Minako snapped back into focus, pressing her nose up near Usagi's face. "Wait, wait, don't tell me!" She started sniffing, slowly moving her head around near Usagi, seemingly trying to pick up a scent.

"Mina, what are you doing?" Rei asked. "And what does that mean, Usag—"

"Buhbuhbuh!" Minako raised her hand up towards Rei, index finger up. "Hold it...hold it..." She finally leaned back away from Usagi, face twitching with thought. "Okay...okay...I'm gonna go with...seven."

"Nine," Usagi corrected.

"Guh!" Minako grunted, pursing her lips together tightly and jerking her head down. "I knew it was more, don't know why I went conservative."

"What?!" Rei squatted down at Usagi's side, looking mildly terrified. "P-please tell me I totally misinterpreted that!"

"You had sex nine times last night?!" Makoto gasped, looking down at her seated friend. "How are you still alive?!"

Usagi held her hands out in front of her, all five fingers on her right hand and one finger on her left hand pointed out. "Well...no, not quite..." she ticked one of her left hand's fingers up. "It was...it was seven last night...two this morning...I think."

"Wow," Rei muttered. "I...uh...wow."

"Ami, stop pretending like you're not intently listening to everything," Minako said without looking over at Ami, who had taken to hiding her face behind a schoolbook yet again.

"Man, you're lucky he didn't snap you in two," Makoto murmured.

Usagi laid back on the floor, putting her hands behind her head and smiling blissfully. "Nah, he was stellar. I mean, we're talking...sexual napalm here, really!"

"Huh," Rei said before expelling a large breath. "Okay, so...anyway..." she turned back to look at the pile of money on her computer desk. "Usagi's out."

"And then..." Makoto slowly extended her right hand out towards Rei as the shrine miko turned back to face her lone remaining competitor.

"...there were two." Rei reached her own hand out, clasping it around her palm and giving it a quick shake, a slight grin on her face still.

"No." Ami pulled the book from her face and closed it up, setting it down on the table, finally at peace with the fact that everyone knew her face was dark red anyway. "No, this contest is over!"

Minako snorted a couple times. "Hey Ami, your Darth Maul halloween costume could use some work."

Ami tried to rub her cheeks with her little fingers, failing to work the coloration from them. "Rei, we talked about this, so please end this nonsense."

"Mind your own business, Ami," Rei said, voice containing a surprising amount of patience. "Two woman race."

"Rei!" Ami hissed. "You told me that you didn't want to lose to Usagi! Usagi is now out of the contest! So, please, just bow out gracefully, because I can't take this anymore!"

Rei sat down at the edge of the study table, swallowing down hard.

"Rei, please!" Ami begged. "I mean it, this has gone on long enough! You said this was about beating Usagi, so please end this!"

"Wait." Usagi lifted her head up and looked over at Rei. "She didn't want to lose to me? What? Why?"

"Because she's insane!" Ami answered quickly. "Now, Rei?"

Rei gave a sheepish little grimace, looking over at Makoto. "But...but I'm so close now!"

"Auuuugh," Ami groaned, again slamming her face into the surface of the desk.

"No, really, I...I think I'm getting my second wind!" Rei insisted, an optimistic smile on her face. "Really, I think...I think I'm gonna be much better from here on out!" She nodded, Ami still splayed out on top of the table. "I feel like a new woman! I'm gonna..."

A quick burst of wind caught her attention, eyes quickly finding the massive hole in the wall. Quick as a flash, she stood up, storming towards the damaged property with a scowl.

"Oh, what the FUCK?!" she shouted, looking at the Makoto-sized hole. "Oh, you fucking dumb gorilla! Look at this!"

"Well, _maybe_ there wouldn't be a problem if you had another door built into the yard over there!" Makoto retorted hotly.

Ami could only give a strangled groan, face still buried into the desk.

"

2 weeks, 6 days, 18 hours, 3 minutes, 56 seconds...

"

Makoto used the still-lit tip of what remained of one cigarette to light a second one, discarding the remains of the first in a coffee cup to her left.

"Mako, could you at the very least, please, please, PLEASE do that outside?!" Ami pleaded, watching her friend lift the cigarette to her lips and take in a long puff.

Like clockwork, Makoto began an extended series of hacking coughs, sounding for all the world as if she was dying. It took several seconds for it to pass. "Try and make me then!" she dared.

Ami looked over at Rei, seated opposite her at the table. "Rei, she's filling your bedroom with secondhand smoke, don't you—"

"Oh, no, I welcome it!" Rei grunted out, looking like a horror movie villain, skin blotchy and eyes veiny. "Secondhand smoke, can't get enough of it, really gets me through the day!" She inhaled a deep breath as Makoto continued to fill the room with tobacco smoke.

Ami gave a groan of defeat, lifting up a small handheld fan, the handle approximately pen-shaped, in the hopes of keeping her little section of room unpolluted. "Swear to God, one of these days I'm going to move in with Setsuna," she grumbled under her breath.

"Yeah, be nicer to Ami," Minako said, giving her a sly look. "She prefers to only indulge in cigarettes immediately following orgasm. So like three a day."

Ami stood up, slamming her book shut and making a beeline for the bedroom door.

"Damn, pretty early in the day for a semen-and-nicotine double dip!" Minako taunted. "Oh well, heart wants what the heart wants!"

Ami quickly escaped out into the hallway, practically ripping her cell phone out of her right pocket and bringing it up in front of her. A handful of finger taps later, a call was transmitted. She placed the electronic up to her ear.

A loud crashing sound caused her to wince and jump slightly, spinning around and reaching for the knob before deciding that she's rather live in ignorance of whatever was going on within the room for the time being. Finally, the repeated ringing ended.

"Hello?" Usagi hailed.

"Usagi, it's me, look...we expected you here half an hour ago, and...look, you can't leave me alone with these people, are you going to be here soon?" Ami quickly reeled off. "I'm serious, I need some degree of sanity here before I lose my mind, you're the only—"

"HA!" Usagi yelled through the phone. Ami pulled the phone a few inches away from her ear, wincing at the unexpected burst of volume. "Voicemail! Leave it at the tone."

Ami grimaced, grip on the phone tightening as she glared down at it. A loud, long beep emitted from the speaker just as Ami ended the call.

"

Mamoru tapped the pause button on the small remote control in his right hand, setting it down on his bedside table and looking over at Usagi. "You've seriously never heard that song before?"

Usagi shook her head. "No, I...I don't think I have." She pulled the blankets up her torso a little bit, covering her chest, laying back against the propped-up set of bed pillows behind her.

"Wow." Mamoru gave her a bewildered look. "That's legitimately amazing. Who hasn't heard _Stairway to Heaven_? Like, it's practically impossible!"

Usagi shook her head. "No, I really think I haven't heard it before."

"Man." Mamoru shrugged, picking the blankets on top of him up and peering down at his lower body. "They've played that song so much, you're not even allowed to play it in guitar stores anymore."

"Maybe that's why I haven't heard it," Usagi mused.

"Huh. I got a lot of stuff I need to show you, I guess," Mamoru mused. "Anyway, looks like I'm hard again, so..."

"W-wait," Usagi said, reaching over and grabbing her phone from the the table on her side of the bed. "I gotta return this call, give me a second."

As Usagi placed the call, however, Mamoru's arms snaked across his bed and wrapped around his fiance, ensnaring her and pulling her closer to the middle of the bed. Usagi gave a little yelp as Mamoru pulled her close and started frenching her left temple.

"Oh c-come on, just gimme a second," she giggled, feeling a telltale prod down on her thigh.

"Usagi, where are you?" Ami immediately questioned as the connection was made.

"U-uh...I'm doing stuff," she gasped as Mamoru started running his strong fingers through her hair, reaching down into her scalp and sending sparks of pleasure through her nerves. "Busy!"

Ami gave an audible sigh. "Usagi, we're at the shrine, waiting for you! When are you getting here? I seriously need you here, I can't be alone with these people!"

"U-uh...I dunno, I've got some pretty important things to take care of today," Usagi said quickly, Mamoru now nibbling on her left earlobe, then slowly moving down her jawline, leaving tender kisses on it as he made his way down to her chin.

There was a small pause on the line as Mamoru slowly began to pull Usagi's small figure on top of him, delicately moving her into position as he continued his erotic work.

"You're at Mamoru's, aren't you?" Ami said accusingly.

"Uh, well—ah!" Mamoru's ever-roaming hands had made their way down her body. "Y-yeah, yeah, we're—"

"You've been having sex all afternoon," Ami continued, agitation evident in her voice. "You're having sex right now, aren't you?"

"No," Usagi gasped out, unable to hold back on some little giggling titters as Mamoru bent down and started kissing the nape of her neck. As she released a few sensual moans, Mamoru slowly made his way south. "Okay, okay, y-yeah, I am," she admitted, chuckling. "It's seriously awesome."

"Usagi—"

"C-can you give me a few minutes?" Usagi interrupted, setting the phone up on the top right corner of the bed as Mamoru moved his trail of kisses past her belly button.

"

Ami sat in the hallway of Rei's shrine, holding her cell phone at her side, scowling deeply. A series of primal grunts and moans were erupting from the small speaker, Ami opting to spare her eardrum the full brunt of it. Behind her, she could hear Makoto's violent cough mixed in with Rei yelling at her math textbook. Slowly, she shook her head.

"Madhouse...it's a madhouse..." she said under her breath.

The howls of lust crescendoed from the other side of the phone connection, culminating with Ami getting treated with a clattering crash. She fumed to herself as a dual set of loud panting came through the device. After a few minutes, she heard a quiet scraping noise, followed by heavy breathing.

"O-okay, I'm back, you there?" Usagi asked.

"Unfortunately," Ami said tersely. "Usagi, I really don't want to leave, but I'm seriously contemplating it, can you _please_ just get over here?!"

"Y-yeah, okay," Usagi relented. "I'll be there in about twenty minutes—ah!"

Ami was barely able to make out a series of throaty chuckles from the other end.

"Make that forty-five," Usagi said naughtily, followed immediately by the dull extended tone of a terminated phone connection. Ami scowled, then started slamming the top right corner of her phone down onto the floor repeatedly.

"

3 weeks, 2 days, 23 hours, 45 minutes, 13 seconds...

"

Rei sat in a seiza position, staring deep into the sacred fire, sweat pouring from every orifice she had, heart pounding in her chest. She forced herself to focus on the dancing licks of flame before her, trying desperately to think about anything else but the hell happening inside of her loins.

Ice no longer did her any good. Just a half-measure. There was nothing left for her to fall back on but her meditation techniques. She fought to shut down the intense pains of denial coming from her lower half, trying to find some degree of solace in the peaceful act of exploring one's spirituality.

A gentle scrape from behind distracted her. She twisted her head around to see the door into the room sliding open. To both her delight and frustration, Nobu slipped through the opening in the wall, gently shutting the portal behind him.

She grimaced, but forced a rather ugly smile to her face. "Hey!" she said.

"Evening," Nobu replied, slowly approaching. "How are you tonight?"

"Oh, just fantastic!" Rei answered, turning back to the fire, ripping her eyes away from her student. "Just awesome!"

"You don't look so good," he commented, stopping behind her. "In fact...no offense...you look like hell."

"Yeah, but I feel great!" Rei said loudly. "S-so, Nobu, where were we from last time? Do you remember, I'm having a bit of a hard time—"

Nobu kneeled down behind her. "Y'know, Rei...just to put the offer on the table for you...I mean, the stuff you've taught me recently, it's really, really helped me find inner peace and relax, and I really do appreciate it."

"O-oh, it's...just doing my duty!" she said, voice cracking slightly.

"Sure, but I'd love to get a chance to return the favor," he added. "I'm actually going to school to become a physical therapist. You know, for like, athletes and celebrities, pretty lucrative."

"Yeah, I-I think you...mentioned that awhile back," Rei said.

"So I can tell a highly stressed-out person when I see one," he continued. Gently, he placed his hands on her shoulders, causing her to tense up. "Maybe I could help you relax."

Rei went deathly pale, heart-rate increasing as she felt his firm, yet pleasant grip on her shoulders.

"I'm at the top of my class," he added. "How about it?"

Rei gave a high-pitched little whine, body starting to shake.

"

Makoto threw the hinged lid off the top of the large green dumpster, then immediately threw herself into the large container. The smell she released could have been weaponized, but she barely even noticed as she started frantically digging through the massive pile of trash.

Her vision was starting to shake and blur as she fought with the pains of both orgasm denial and nicotine denial. She scooped an armful of trash out from the container and tossed it out onto the ground, eyes lighting up at the sight of a cigarette carton. She grabbed it, only to find it empty. She tossed this out of the container as well, then resumed digging through the rubbish.

Grunting in frustration, Makoto sifted through the dumpster's contents, legs slowly sinking into the garbage until she was knee-deep. She could feel some unsanitary liquid on her feet, her shoes now soaked in some unholy watery mixture. She ripped open a black plastic bag, spilling out the contents in front of her, then frantically digging through it. Another pair of cigarette cartons exposed themselves, but again, they were empty.

After several minutes, she gave the back side of the dumpster a mighty punch, groaning in defeat, then reluctantly pulled herself out of the container. Her lower half was drenched in an unspeakable mix of water fit for a sewer. She jumped back down to the ground, amid a large pile of garbage that she had tossed from the dumpster.

She gave a low hiss, then started beating her fists into the brick wall on the opposite side of the alley repeatedly, bruising her knuckles and causing little flecks of mortar to fall to her feet. She growled and moaned as she futilely beat on the building for a good minute, then finally gave a heavy sigh and stopped.

She turned to look out at the street. An elementary school boy stood there on the sidewalk, eyes on the brawny schoolgirl, horror and disgust on his face as he regarded her wretched state.

Makoto thought about saying something, but instead just leveled a nasty scowl at him, then turned around and stormed off down the opposite end of the alley.

"A-are...are you gonna clean this up?" the boy asked timidly, pointing at the pile of loose trash. "Because...because this is littering, and I'll have to report you—"

Makoto spun around, reaching down to grab her crotch, giving it a good shake towards the boy as she walked backwards away from him. "REPORT _THIS_!" she shouted, spinning back around and quickly walking off.

"

3 weeks, 3 days, 17 hours, 12 minutes, 16 seconds...

"

"It's been thirty-six hours since my last smoke," Makoto moaned, walking bow-leggedly down the sidewalk. "What kind of shit city is this, nobody throws away cigarettes anymore! It's bullshit, what it is!"

"Maybe I can cop a few from my father," Minako offered. "Y'know, for the right price."

"No, I can't cut into my profits when I win this contest," Makoto replied, practically limping to keep up with her friends.

"Oh, well, too bad. Offer's open anyway—"

Makoto reached forward and roughly grabbed Minako by the shoulder. "I didn't say no."

"Yeah, well, if you can't pay me, I'm not gonna take on that risk," Minako insisted. Makoto spun her around, gripping both of her shoulders and pressing her nose close up to her face.

"Mina, don't make me beat you til your legs don't work!" Makoto threatened. "You get me those cigarettes or—"

Ami forced her way inbetween the two, using her body to force them apart. "God, Mako, listen to yourself! Stop!"

"You might wanna stay out of this," Makoto said menacingly. "Unless you think _you_ can get me cigarettes."

"Mako, when this stupid contest is over, promise me you'll join a help group," Ami pleaded. "Because, seriously, this is a problem—"

"The only problem here is that I'm out of smokes!" Makoto interrupted. "So if someone here doesn't—"

"_Skyyyyrockets in flight!_"

The three girls looked up the sidewalk. Usagi, oblivious to their little scuffle, had skipping ahead, cheerfully singing to herself.

"_Afternoon delight!_"

Makoto released Minako's shoulders, quickly sweeping past Ami and Minako. "Stop singing! Now!"

Usagi quickly skipped up the steps leading to the Hiwaka shrine, Makoto taking them three at a time to catch up to her.

"Usagi, stop singing!" Makoto demanded, grabbing her right forearm. "Usagi, knock it off!" She yanked her in close. "Look into my eyes, Usagi. Do you see the animal within?! You wanna screw with me right now?!"

Usagi raised her hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, sorry!"

Makoto released the smaller girl and swept past her up the steps. Usagi gave a small shrug, then followed her upwards.

Minako and Ami caught up after a moment, the four of them gathering back up half-way to the entrance of the main structure.

"So, how many times did you do it last night?" Minako asked, leaning in close to Usagi's ear, trying to shield her conversation from Makoto.

"Three," Usagi replied. "But two of them were on the lake in a rowboat."

"Nice!" Minako clapped her on the back. "That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!"

"We listened to a lot of music," Usagi explained. "I dunno, it's weird, he's...he seemed really offended that I didn't know who this Steely Dan guy is." She shrugged again.

"It's the name of the band," Ami said quickly under her breath, adjusting the strap of her schoolbag on her shoulder.

"Huh?" Usagi turned to look at Ami as the friends entered the building's front entrance.

"Steely Dan is the name of the band, not the person," she explained rapidly, eyes still on Makoto's back. "They named the band after a...a..." she caught herself. "N-nevermind."

"—completely unacceptable for me to behave like that, really, and really, when I behave like that, call me out."

Makoto stopped dead in her tracks, Usagi, Minako and Ami nearly colliding into her back. All four of them fell deathly silent, eyeing the right turn just a few steps in front of them in the hallway.

"H-hey, actually, it didn't even bother me that much, I'm not even...thinking about it anymore—"

"No, no. Yuuchirou, no, you can't...I can't act like that, you can't let me act like that. Seriously, I mean it! When I get like that about something, speak up! Hold me accountable!"

The four girls slowly crept up to the corner in the hallway, ears perked up for the pair of voices coming from the other side of the right turn.

"A-anyway, I don't want this to be about you, this is...it's about me, and...I can't be like that. So, from the bottom of my heart, I'm...I'm sorry you had to experience that. Really, I can't, and I'm incredibly sorry!"

"Hey, hey, forget it, it's nothing, I...I kinda deserved it—"

"No, you didn't! That's the thing, you didn't. You never deserve that, because...because you're great and we love having you here. Really, we really appreciate all the good stuff you do for us, you have no idea how much we appreciate it, and...I think sometimes I'm less-than-clear on that. And I'm sorry for that, really."

Minako dared a slow peak around the corner, sticking her head out slightly into the hall, just in time to see Rei embrace Yuuchirou in a hug. Yuuchirou tensed up at the physical show of affection.

"I...I actually feel really bad about that whole stupid business, so...look, I don't know what it's gonna be, but...but I really wanna make it up to you. Like really make it up to you," Rei continued, gently patting Yuuchirou's back. "Just don't let me forget, really, because...that was so not cool of me, and you're great, and...I don't wanna be like that. So really, don't let me forget, okay?"

Makoto, Usagi and Ami stuck their heads around the corner as well, watching the scene play out in front of them.

"Y-yeah," Yuuchirou said, nodding as Rei pulled away from him. "Sure, uh...y'know, don't go too crazy, I'm really totally fine."

"Alright, see you later," Rei said, giving him a small bow as she ducked back into her bedroom. Yuuchirou stood there for a moment, then turned down the hall and skipped off, humming to himself.

The four girls all exchanged meaningful looks between each other. Even Makoto's hands had stopped shaking. Carefully, the group turned the corner and made their way down the hall, almost as if they were afraid they could break the moment if they didn't treat it like an eggshell.

Usagi pulled the door open. Rei was sitting at the foot of her bed, cell phone in her hand, looking down at the screen, fingers playing across it. She was humming a little tune to herself, just barely audible across the room.

"So, that was sweet," Usagi said, as the four girls entered the room.

"Yeah, I...I hope that's how it played," Rei replied quietly.

"W-what are you gonna do to make it up to him?" Minako asked, walking over to the study table in the corner.

"I'm not sure yet," Rei said softly.

Minako sat down on the floor. "What's he in to?"

"Uh...music...I think he likes baseball. Probably something in there—"

"No, no, I mean...what's he _in_ to?" Minako pried. "Like, really, you said you really wanted to make it up to him, so...is is a breast man? Ass man? C'mon, you've known him for awhile."

Rei looked up from her phone, shooting Minako a tired look. "W-what are you babbling about?"

Minako laid back on the floor. "Not that it's any of my business—"

"Yeah, it's not," Rei cut her off.

"...but, you really did kinda mess up with him, so I think you need to go above and beyond with this." Minako gazed over at Rei. "So really, what's he into? Come on, you wanna make it up to him, give him what he _really_ wants!"

"Mina—"

"Maybe he's into feet, then it would actually be really easy for you to—"

Rei held her hand out towards Minako. "Okay, enough, stop talking! Please!"

An extended silence hung in the room, everyone just staring at each other, waiting for someone to say something.

"So." Ami went over to the bed, sitting down next to Rei. "Anything you want to say?"

Rei gave a curt nod, setting the phone down. "As a matter of fact...yes, I do." She gestured over towards Makoto. "Mako, if I may, are you still...Queen of the castle?"

Usagi sat herself down next to Minako. "We've been at school with her all day. Trust us, she's still in."

Rei gave a little sigh, but stood up from the corner of the bed never the less. "Very well then." She grabbed a small tin box from behind her on the bed, and made her way over towards her taller friend. "I suppose this is yours then."

She opened the top lid of the little box, revealing a pile of assorted yen notes and coins. Makoto reached forward and took the container, looking down at the currency within.

"All yours. Twenty thousand yen." Rei gave a nod. "Spend it in good health."

A shaky, thin smile came to Makoto's face. Ami came over from the bed and placed her hand on Rei's shoulder.

"Well, Rei, I've hardly been the biggest supporter of your actions in recent times, but let me say, in this moment...I'm proud of you," she said, giving her a little pat before walking over to the study table.

"So...you're out?" Makoto asked, scooping the money from the tin.

Rei nodded. "Yeah. As of last night. I lost, fair and square. You're the winner."

Makoto slipped the money into her purse's opening. "Official and final?"

"Yeah." Rei reached her right hand forward towards Makoto. "Congratulations. You're too much for me."

Makoto took her hand and gave it a quick pump. "Alright." She nodded to herself. "I win. Cool." She stood there for a moment, then tried to step past Rei. "Alright, I gotta use your bathroom."

It took Rei half a second to react, reaching up to grab the front of Makoto's school uniform. "NO!" she snapped, pushing her back in front of her, putting her body between Makoto and the door. "Absolutely not!"

"W-what, I need to pee, what's the big..." Makoto again tried to go around Rei, but Rei slid over to keep in front of her, again reaching forward to grab a fistful of her uniform.

"No, in fact, you are not leaving my sight until you leave later!" Rei insisted. Makoto reached down and tried to pry Rei's fingers from her shirt front. Rei shoved her back, away from the door. "I am not an idiot!"

"Oh, for the love of...I need to pee, just—" Makoto suddenly charged into Rei's chest, knocking her over, but Rei was able to wrap her arms around Makoto's torso and bring her down to the floor along with her. Makoto struggled to get up, but Rei refused to let her go, wrapping her legs around her waste in an effort to keep her down.

"I...wasn't born yesterday!" Rei snapped, trying to flip over so she would be on top of Makoto. Makoto reached up, grabbing at Rei's face, trying to force her to let her go. "You're not going anywhere near that bathroom!"

The three girls watched from across the room as the two tussled about.

"Should we do something?" Usagi asked as Makoto managed to stick her middle and index fingers up Rei's nostrils.

"You can if you want to," Minako said, vague amusement on her face.

"Okay, fine!" Makoto shouted as Rei managed to get her fingers out of her nose. "Yeah, I got business to handle, and you're not stopping me!"

Rei finally managed to heave Makoto underneath her, trying to use every bit of her weight to keep her pinned. She absorbed a knee to the stomach from Makoto, huffing and puffing with effort. "You've...gone three weeks...you can go another few hours!" she heaved, grabbing Makoto's right wrist and pushing it away from her as it attempted to push her off.

"No, I can't!" Makoto yelled. "It's a bathroom, who cares what happens in there?!"

"I don't care!" Rei retorted, Makoto managing to lift Rei up to the side, but Rei keeping her right leg on top of her to keep her down. "You...are _not_...masturbating...in my bathroom!"

"Okay, fine, then now, _this _is happening!" Makoto suddenly plunged her left hand into the waistband of her skirt.

Rei's eyes popped wide, and she desperately reached down to grab her wrist, using every bit of strength in her body to get Makoto's hand from the private area. "NO! NO!" Rei screamed, slowly managing to inch Makoto's hand back out from within the skirt. "NO! Absolutely NOT!"

"Here, or bathroom!" Makoto grunted, gaining the upper hand as Rei was distracted with the task of keeping Makoto's hand from her crotch. "Here, or bathroom!"

"NO!" Rei demanded. Makoto had managed to coil her legs together underneath her, planting her feet into Rei's chest. Rei did the best she could, but Makoto was stronger, and with a mighty thrust from Makoto's strong legs as she uncoiled, Rei was launched halfway across her room.

Immediately, Makoto stabbed her right hand back inside of her skirt, long strong fingers finding the happy zone in short order. Rei landed with a painful crash, but immediately threw herself back across the room, leaping on Makoto.

"NO, NO!" Rei continued to shout as Makoto's body convulsed around from her self-stimulation. Rei quickly mounted her and grabbed her wrist, yanking her hand back out. But it was too late. Makoto's body arched up and her eyes rolled back into her head. She unleashed an orgasmic scream, head bending back and toes curling as she unleashed more than three weeks of painful denial in a few mind-shattering seconds.

Acknowledging yet another defeat, Rei simply collapsed on top of Makoto, panting heavily. Makoto finally collapsed in a heap onto the floor as the pleasure wave washed over her. She released several satisfied little moans and sighs.

Rei groaned, sighing deeply, catching a deep whiff of Makoto's juices as she did so. She rolled over to the side, laying out on the floor. "Oh my God...oh my God...I hate you so much," she moaned.

Makoto replied only with more pleasurable little gasps and sighs. Rei planted her forehead into the ground.

"I...I can't not believe...you just did that," Rei grunted. "Oh my God...I need new friends."

"In about twenty minutes I'll feel pretty bad about doing that," Makoto admitted. "But...right now? Clooooooud nine, baby!"

Usagi's jaw was halfway to the floor, eyes trained on Makoto's finally-relaxed form. "Oh my GOD!" she gasped. Even Minako looked shocked.

Rei just kept on panting heavily. "I'm gonna get you for this. You're gonna pay," she threatened.

"Yup," Makoto replied, chuckling lightly to herself.

The door was violently flung open, Yuuchirou standing there, holding a wooden training katana in his hands. "I-I heard screaming, I...what's...what..."

Yuuchirou lowered the training weapon to his side slowly as he looked down at the sight before him on the floor. Makoto still wore the most pleasurable of smiles on her face, eyes closed, looking as if she was in heaven. Right beside her was Rei, panting.

Yuuchirou's mouth fell slightly open. His nostrils twitched a couple times, picking up the unmistakable strong scent that was fast filling the room.

Quickly, Rei got up into a kneeling position, hands out towards Yuuchirou. "Hey, Yuuchirou, buddy, hey, I...uh...me and Mako were just...just talking about how...about how...this absolutely is nothing what it looks like...and certainly nothing what it smells like, so—"

Makoto reached up and grabbed Rei by the front collar, yanking her up close before she could think to resist. She planted a kiss right onto Rei's lips. Rei's eyes practically bugged out from their sockets as Makoto locked their lips together, and she frantically reached down towards her to push her away.

The two girls pulled apart, Rei looking horrified. Makoto gave her a lidded glare, grinning. "I hope that was as good for you as it was for me," she said seductively.

Yuuchirou's mouth fell the rest of the way open.

"No. Fucking. Way!" he managed to squeak out.

Rei put her palms up towards Yuuchirou. "Y-Yuuchirou, it's...it's really not—"

Yuuchirou's eyelids fluttered a couple times and he slumped to the side, consciousness leaving him and a thin stream of blood beginning to pour from his nose. He hit the floor with a resounding thud.

Rei gave the most pitiful of groans, slumping over next to Makoto again, splaying out on the groan. "Oh...you dick," Rei moaned. "You...you big...massive dick."

Makoto chuckled to herself again. "Yeah." She put her hands up behind her head, sighing in ecstasy yet again.

Usagi couldn't turn away from the scene by the door, mouth still hanging open. "Wow."

Minako turned to look at Ami, who had once again tried to find refuge inside of a schoolbook. "Hey, so...this seems like a pretty good time to come clean. I _did_ actually masturbate in your bedroom that day."

Ami sighed audibly, keeping the book up in front of her face.

"J-just so we're clear, I...yeah." She shrugged. "It had been four days, so...sorry about that, really."

Ami set the book down on the table so she could be freed to glare daggers at Minako, as well as reveal the reddening effect Rei and Makoto had had on her face.

"But hey!" Minako said enthusiastically. "Suddenly I don't look so bad, huh? I mean, at least I waited until you left the room!"

Ami's gazed narrowed into little slits.

"And, in all fairness, you never explicitly told me I _couldn't_ masturbate in your bedroom, so...I mean really...after what just happened over there, I think I handled myself admirably."

Ami closed her eyes and slowly shook her head back and forth.

"So. Yeah, just...just clearing the air. You definitely don't have a squirrel nest on your fire escape or anything, so...you can stop looking," Minako finished.

Ami opened her eyes. "Rei," she called out. "If you ever find those new friends, let me know please."

"Yeah," Rei answered, still too exhausted to get up off the floor.

The room hung in silence, save for the continuing little giggles from Makoto.

"

THE END

Thanks to everyone who read. Sorry this chapter didn't get up sooner, I fell ill for awhile there. Feel free to review or message me with any thoughts you might have.

As a notice to everyone, my next Sailor Moon fanfiction is going to be a massive epic, so I am going to be disappearing 'into the lab' for at least a few months to set things up and write ahead. To those of you who are familiar with The Million Dollar Grant, this next story is going to thematically be similar to that one, and will require me to spend some serious time writing ahead and planning things out before I upload anything. As such, unless I write a random oneshot, I wouldn't expect to see me post anything new for awhile.

Until then, thanks to all who read!


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